Miscellaneous: Today, I went to a bookstore to get "The Grapes of Wrath". I...

By Face fucking palm - 23/07/2014 03:36 - United States - Albany

Today, I went to a bookstore to get "The Grapes of Wrath". I have a problem with controlling the volume of my voice, so once at the counter, I accidentally said quite loudly, "WHERE ARE THE ANGRY GRAPES?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 279

You deserved it 13 432

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Same thing different taste

Staircase wit at the checkout

By Anonymous - 21/10/2024 16:00 - United States - Galveston

Today, while in line at the grocery store, I was going over the witty but caustic things I wish I'd said in an argument earlier. Turns out, I was saying them out loud. The cashier gave me a weird look and said, “Are you okay, ma'am?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 121

You deserved it 444

Supermarket sweep

By Anonymous - 20/09/2024 09:00 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I was using self-checkout at the grocery store, and the machine flipped out and started randomly announcing, "Please wait for assistance." No one came to help, but the machine just kept loudly repeating it until everyone stared at me like I was trying to steal grapes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 432

You deserved it 73

Overreaction

By sadie - 01/04/2021 23:00

Today, my mom yelled at me in the store so loudly and for so long, a crowd began to form. The reason? I didn’t know how much milk we had left at home. I don’t drink milk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 166

You deserved it 110

By people suck - 28/03/2015 04:16 - United States - Oakland

Today, while at work, a customer refused to speak louder, despite me asking her to do it several times. As a result, I took her order incorrectly. The customer then finally decided to raise her voice, but only to yell at me about my poor listening skills. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 382

You deserved it 2 518

By whatthewoah - 02/09/2010 18:10 - United States

Today, I went to the bookstore. While I was in line, I heard everyone talking about how a book cart had gotten loose and rolled down the parking lot into a car, smashing the front. It was my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 136

You deserved it 2 235

Stars of CCTV

By Anonymous - 07/07/2024 12:00 - Australia

Today, I went grocery shopping and tried the self-checkout for the first time. I managed to scan everything except a bag of grapes, which I then dropped, causing them to scatter all over the floor. As I scrambled to pick them up, I slipped on a grape and fell flat on my back. The security footage must have been comedy gold. FML

I agree, your life sucks 421

You deserved it 129

Classic non-ironical Ironic

By Karen - 21/11/2022 18:00

Today, I had a shift at my job at a grocery store that was full of rude and impatient customers. Someone dropped a bottle of wine and it shattered next to me. I found a half-eaten packet of sushi behind some magazines. The scale on another register broke. "Ironic" by Alanis Morissette played on the store radio at the end. FML

I agree, your life sucks 880

You deserved it 117

By Anonymous - 15/11/2012 19:47 - Ireland

Today, I had to stand next to my wife at the supermarket, beet-red and pretending not to exist; about half an hour into our shopping, she completely lost her shit at the advertising on the loudspeaker, turned to another patron, and screamed into his face to shut the fuck up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 651

You deserved it 2 485

By rubgy_lover - 27/06/2013 15:02 - Canada - Surrey

Today, at work, I politely asked a patron to be quieter; I was hit in the face. I work in a library. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 109

You deserved it 3 922

By combovercaiti_ - 25/01/2019 12:00

Today, I was waiting in line at the store trying to hold in a fart. I get to the cash register and the lady made me laugh and the fart slipped out. Only it was much louder than it was supposed to be, because I was squeezing my butt cheeks together, so it made a clapping sound. It was heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 290

You deserved it 372

halcyon93 16

Wednesday 23 July 2014 16:51

I bet whoever was working at the time got a bit of a shock then...

llamarrama01 21

Wednesday 23 July 2014 16:52

You know what they say. People like grapes.

Comments

Liiiiiiiiike 15

Wednesday 23 July 2014 17:06

THAT WAS YOU? MAN YOU CRAZY!..... Jk I wasn't there.

gabbywalliscool 5

Wednesday 23 July 2014 17:07

And the duck said got any grapes

vairyhagina 11

Wednesday 23 July 2014 17:20

Knew that was coming

hamzor 5

Wednesday 23 July 2014 19:14

And OP waddled away, waddle waddle

slipstreak 10

Wednesday 23 July 2014 19:45

Til the very next day bum bum bum bum bumpa-dum dum

sward44 9

Wednesday 23 July 2014 17:30

we don't sell grapes.

ihaveasushicat 24

Wednesday 23 July 2014 18:03

I think this is one of the funniest FML's I've ever read.

Ki11erC 18

Thursday 24 July 2014 11:54

You can't of read many then.

kottonkandieee 2

Wednesday 23 July 2014 18:26

this made me laugh out loud

ArgentumAurum 24

Wednesday 23 July 2014 18:27

I'm going with fake on this one.

dabears1011234 27

Wednesday 23 July 2014 18:27

That worker probably couldn't take you seriously when you tried to check out.

JRT98 12

Wednesday 23 July 2014 18:35

I too am fond of the angry grapes, but oh my you got a bit excited... Calm yourself padawan.

CuteFangirl 5

Wednesday 23 July 2014 19:02

This is funny and embarassing at the same time

ifearlife 3

Wednesday 23 July 2014 19:25

If I worked there that would have made my day.

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The Top

Today, I wrote a submission to FML and I realized that I could be doing so much more with my life than this. I mean really, I have real life stuff to deal with, and I don't have the time to be reading these s*itposts, much less making my own. FML

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Today, it's only day three of my annual vacation. Rest and relaxation? Afraid not! For the past days, I've been haunted by the constant thought of how much work will be piled up when I get back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 374

You deserved it 139

The Top

Today, I disconnected and hid the WiFi router and told my kids and husband I wanted an hour together doing family stuff. I failed miserably. Rather than spend an hour together, they spent nearly 2 hours separately tearing the house apart for the router. Now the house is a mess and I’m still lonely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 243

You deserved it 577

Today, my girlfriend told me she was over her addiction and wished to quit cold turkey. I cancelled all my plans to stay home and support her. She didn't mean her tobacco addiction, no no. Her corn chip addiction. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 389

You deserved it 2 875

Today, while at a party, Journey's "Don't Stop Believin'" started playing. For being the only one who didn't know the lyrics, I had beer thrown on me, my shirt stolen, and I was locked outside for half an hour. It's below freezing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 957

You deserved it 37 620

Today, while volunteering at my local animal shelter, I was asked to clean the cat room. This entailed taking each cat out of its cage by hand and cleaning the inside. They forgot to mention that some of the cats were feral. I now look like I belly flopped into a cactus. FML

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You deserved it 2 315

Today, my girlfriend caught me using my T-shirt as a tissue. Again. FML

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You deserved it 3 232

Today, my married life pretty much consists of punching myself in the penis until my libido goes down, since my wife has physical ailments that prevent her from even wanting to have sex. FML

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You deserved it 3 303