Health: Today, I went to a paintball match with a group of friends, one...

By Anonymous - 02/03/2013 18:59 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to a paintball match with a group of friends, one of whom brought his dad along. His dad is a weight-lifting, wannabe alpha male fucknut who thinks that chokeslamming opponents is a legitimate close-quarters paintball tactic. My broken shoulder disagrees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 697

You deserved it 3 409

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Same thing different taste

By iusedprotectionanyway - 21/03/2014 21:44 - New Zealand - Waitakere

Today, I went to a paintball match with my family and the family of my brother's girlfriend. A few minutes into, my brother's girlfriend's dad snuck up on me, unloaded into me from behind, and snarled, "That's for knocking my daughter up." He got the wrong guy. My back is killing me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 238

You deserved it 3 514

By fuck - 21/04/2012 02:48 - United States - Lawrenceville

Today, my girlfriend dragged me along to one of her family's paintball matches. Her father is a former marine, and hates my guts. He kept going well out of his way to hunt me down and pump as many rounds into me as possible without causing a scene. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 923

You deserved it 4 078

By nl4 - 01/11/2013 23:55 - Israel - Tel Aviv

Today, my family got together for a big game of paintball. My grandpa wanted to play too, but I told him he was a bit too old for such a rough sport. He joined anyway, and spent the whole 2 hours hunting my dumb ass down. I'm now in constant pain after being riddled with paintballs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 906

You deserved it 56 268

By LagSwitchFTW - 25/01/2013 22:19 - United Kingdom

Today, I played an intense paintball match, with me and my friends versus my boyfriend and his buddies. When we won, my boyfriend went mental and said he only lost because of "lag". When I pointed out we weren't in a video game, he reacted by firing a paintball straight into my chest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 085

You deserved it 6 016

By Z - 26/11/2012 10:26 - Australia

Today, I played paintball with a bunch of friends. By the end of the day, my girlfriend and I were the only people left on the field. She shot me mercilessly, and I screamed like a little girl. 30 people watched, 4 people filmed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 795

You deserved it 25 012

By Anonymous - 26/12/2014 14:58 - United States - Commack

Today, I went paintballing with my girlfriend and her family. Her dad ended up shooting me, and I doubled over in pain. I thought that was it, until he stepped back and shot me several more times in the stomach. "Just double-tapping," he smirked. More like quadruple-tapping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 805

You deserved it 3 663

Father-son bonding

By Anonymous - 28/02/2024 02:00 - United States - Dallas

Today, I was dragged by my dad to the gun range for his pipe dream of a competitive shooting team. Apparently, plinking away on .22s while he and his ex-military buddies compare guns and trade sci-fi war stories until 7 PM is more important than the two research papers I'd set aside to write. FML

I agree, your life sucks 513

You deserved it 153

Risky

By Josh - 13/10/2023 16:00 - United States

Today, I thought it would be fun to join my friends for a game of paintball. I got shot in the same spot three times in a row. It turned out to be my own team, who mistook me for the enemy because I was wearing… camouflage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 497

You deserved it 207

By AquaRevolver - 25/05/2009 10:35 - New Zealand

Today, me and my girlfriend went paintballing. I made sure we were on the same team, so I could protect her and be manly. The first time she got shot was by me, I shot her finger. It broke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 699

You deserved it 54 449

Sorry

By FailedSniper - 22/03/2011 16:31 - United States

Today, I saw my dad's friend across the street working on my neighbor's roof. To continue the airsoft war we'd been having, I shot at him with the sniper gun I'd bought. I hit him, and he fell off the roof. I ran over to see if he was OK. It wasn't my dad's friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 152

You deserved it 54 001

PenguinBitch 43

Sunday 3 March 2013 1:58

Shoot him in his steroid-shrunken balls.

jkmartinjk 16

Sunday 3 March 2013 1:55

That was an EXTREME amount of adjectives.

Comments

buddy51 23

Sunday 3 March 2013 4:01

Strike back, OP, shoot him in the go-dads and watch him crumple in dad-ly weapon inflicted pain!

crip4life 2

Sunday 3 March 2013 4:07

Bro, do you even lift?

Ashton1214 0

Sunday 3 March 2013 4:19

Actually it can be assault depending on the state you are in. Laws vary from state to state. For example, in New York there is no battery charge in the penal law. The charge is assault.

NickKuiper 8

Sunday 3 March 2013 4:40

Something about the word "fucknut" just makes me giggle every time I read it :)

martin_martian7 11

Sunday 3 March 2013 4:55

At least you can't go to another paintball game with him!

EvaWarrior 8

Sunday 3 March 2013 4:56

@54 this guy lives in the united kingdom tho

fksfsdhfsdfh 26

Sunday 3 March 2013 4:59

Press charges!!!

tjv3 10

Sunday 3 March 2013 5:07

It appears that he is not a wanabe alpha male, but is an alpha male

lulubelles 33

Sunday 3 March 2013 5:09

If he lives in the UK ( I can't see that information) then the legal term would be actual bodily harm, unless the bone broke the skin and blood was spilt, then it's called grievous bodily harm.

junkman6 22

Sunday 3 March 2013 5:10

"My dad can't only kick your dads ass but he can kick your ass too!" Also where I paint ball and airlift anything goes but you aren't out until you're shot. Toughen up sweetheart.