Health: Today, I went to a paintball match with a group of friends, one...

By Anonymous - 02/03/2013 18:59 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to a paintball match with a group of friends, one of whom brought his dad along. His dad is a weight-lifting, wannabe alpha male fucknut who thinks that chokeslamming opponents is a legitimate close-quarters paintball tactic. My broken shoulder disagrees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 692

You deserved it 3 407

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Same thing different taste

By iusedprotectionanyway - 21/03/2014 21:44 - New Zealand - Waitakere

Today, I went to a paintball match with my family and the family of my brother's girlfriend. A few minutes into, my brother's girlfriend's dad snuck up on me, unloaded into me from behind, and snarled, "That's for knocking my daughter up." He got the wrong guy. My back is killing me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 233

You deserved it 3 513

By fuck - 21/04/2012 02:48 - United States - Lawrenceville

Today, my girlfriend dragged me along to one of her family's paintball matches. Her father is a former marine, and hates my guts. He kept going well out of his way to hunt me down and pump as many rounds into me as possible without causing a scene. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 921

You deserved it 4 078

By nl4 - 01/11/2013 23:55 - Israel - Tel Aviv

Today, my family got together for a big game of paintball. My grandpa wanted to play too, but I told him he was a bit too old for such a rough sport. He joined anyway, and spent the whole 2 hours hunting my dumb ass down. I'm now in constant pain after being riddled with paintballs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 903

You deserved it 56 260

By LagSwitchFTW - 25/01/2013 22:19 - United Kingdom

Today, I played an intense paintball match, with me and my friends versus my boyfriend and his buddies. When we won, my boyfriend went mental and said he only lost because of "lag". When I pointed out we weren't in a video game, he reacted by firing a paintball straight into my chest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 080

You deserved it 6 013

By Z - 26/11/2012 10:26 - Australia

Today, I played paintball with a bunch of friends. By the end of the day, my girlfriend and I were the only people left on the field. She shot me mercilessly, and I screamed like a little girl. 30 people watched, 4 people filmed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 793

You deserved it 25 010

By Anonymous - 26/12/2014 14:58 - United States - Commack

Today, I went paintballing with my girlfriend and her family. Her dad ended up shooting me, and I doubled over in pain. I thought that was it, until he stepped back and shot me several more times in the stomach. "Just double-tapping," he smirked. More like quadruple-tapping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 803

You deserved it 3 659

Father-son bonding

By Anonymous - 28/02/2024 02:00 - United States - Dallas

Today, I was dragged by my dad to the gun range for his pipe dream of a competitive shooting team. Apparently, plinking away on .22s while he and his ex-military buddies compare guns and trade sci-fi war stories until 7 PM is more important than the two research papers I'd set aside to write. FML

I agree, your life sucks 508

You deserved it 150

Risky

By Josh - 13/10/2023 16:00 - United States

Today, I thought it would be fun to join my friends for a game of paintball. I got shot in the same spot three times in a row. It turned out to be my own team, who mistook me for the enemy because I was wearing… camouflage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 491

You deserved it 204

By AquaRevolver - 25/05/2009 10:35 - New Zealand

Today, me and my girlfriend went paintballing. I made sure we were on the same team, so I could protect her and be manly. The first time she got shot was by me, I shot her finger. It broke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 694

You deserved it 54 445

Sorry

By FailedSniper - 22/03/2011 16:31 - United States

Today, I saw my dad's friend across the street working on my neighbor's roof. To continue the airsoft war we'd been having, I shot at him with the sniper gun I'd bought. I hit him, and he fell off the roof. I ran over to see if he was OK. It wasn't my dad's friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 151

You deserved it 53 992

PenguinBitch 43

Sunday 3 March 2013 1:58

Shoot him in his steroid-shrunken balls.

jkmartinjk 16

Sunday 3 March 2013 1:55

That was an EXTREME amount of adjectives.

Comments

Drunkenness 9

Sunday 3 March 2013 11:21

Next time you play, tell him that the shiv in his neck is a legitimate close-quarters paintball tactic.

m3lyc 18

Sunday 3 March 2013 11:55

Have him arrested for assault and battery. It's what I would have done.

Jellobomb 5

Sunday 3 March 2013 11:56

I think the fact that he broke your shoulder proves it's an effective tactic.

rangerPat 12

Sunday 3 March 2013 12:11

Yeah 62, he's alpha as **** and proved all doubts wrong with his astonishing show of brutality. He sure knows what it's like to be winning.

Randomxnp 10

Sunday 3 March 2013 13:58

He's British. Here it is either ABH or GBH - assault occasioning actual bodily harm or grievous bodily harm, depending on how serious the injury is. Common assault here is any deliberate bodily contact that does not cause bodily harm but that the perpetrator knows is unwanted.

frackhappens 3

Sunday 3 March 2013 14:55

Lawsuit

bmxbikeco 7

Sunday 3 March 2013 15:29

And that's why steroids are illegal...

yanksby7 6

Sunday 3 March 2013 16:13

Where's DocBastard to say you can't actually "break" your shoulder? You can mess it up in a bunch of ways...breaking isn't one of em...

ibrokethehubble 5

Sunday 3 March 2013 18:16

I have to disagree with you. It is very possible to break your shoulder. My mother broke hers in a particularly bad fall and went through years of surgery and physical therapy.