Miscellaneous: Today, I went to the bar I've always gone to after work for the...

By Anonymous - 24/10/2012 10:51 - Australia - Croydon

Today, I went to the bar I've always gone to after work for the past 12 years. On arrival, I got banned for life, punched in the nose and thrown out. The barmaid comes out and says, "Sorry, wrong guy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 316

You deserved it 1 904

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 27/09/2009 04:10 - Canada

Today, I went to the bar to celebrate my friend's birthday party. I gave the bouncer my ID and he kicked me out, saying that I should at least use an ID card with the correct gender. I'm 22 and female, he thought I was an underage boy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 525

You deserved it 3 989

By John - 30/06/2012 05:08 - United States - Watertown

Today, I was fired for using violence and intimidation in the work place. I was a bouncer at a strip club. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 401

You deserved it 3 608

By Anonymous - 04/09/2012 04:03 - United States

Today, I went to my favorite bar after work for a drink. On my way to the porch out back, I didn't realize the sliding glass door was shut, and walked straight into it. I was stone cold sober, but the bartender refused to believe me, and cut me off before my first beer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 474

You deserved it 4 442

By Anonymous - 24/12/2011 02:49 - Australia

Today, I was out clubbing, when some bloke at the bar started trying to pick fights with everyone. Trying to defuse the situation with humour, I said, "I used to be a tough guy like you. Then I took an arrow in the knee." The next thing I know, I have a broken nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 151

You deserved it 41 745

By Anonymous - 01/12/2012 00:31 - United States - Rocklin

Today, I was out clubbing, when I saw a pair of very cute girls sitting at the bar, so I went over, hoping to introduce myself. I swung my leg over the stool, and through no fault of my own, sat on my own balls. I quickly got thrown out for "harassing the ladies." FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 189

You deserved it 21 645

By itstillhurts - 21/12/2009 04:23 - United Kingdom

Today, I was down the pub with a mate and we got onto the subject of bar fights. I said I thought being glassed wouldn't actually hurt that much. My friend looks at me, calmly finishes his pint and then swiftly smashes his glass over my head. Turns out I was wrong. And we got kicked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 568

You deserved it 35 761

By AntSimo - 19/05/2009 07:46 - South Africa

Today, whilst presenting a report to the head of my college, I was arrested by a police officer for assault. I was in a bar the night before and accidentally bumped into a local tough guy on the way to the toilet. I got punched in the face. The witnesses got our names mixed up. That'll look great on my CV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 662

You deserved it 2 968

By Jeff - 25/08/2009 17:09 - United States

Today, I was walking out of a bar when someone grabbed me by the throat, and slammed me against a wall, saying "Stop fooling around with my wife, because next time - I'll kill you." I'm gay and haven't been with a woman since 1985. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 473

You deserved it 7 057

Never do this

By anon - 06/08/2024 16:00 - United States - Danbury

Today, at the local mini-mart, I saw an old friend from high school and decided to surprise her with a hug from behind. Turns out, it wasn't her. It was a complete stranger who screamed, then whacked me with her purse. Now I’m banned from the shop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74

You deserved it 755

Killjoy was hear

By barsituation - 03/01/2022 11:01 - United States

Today, I got kicked out of my favorite pub. I yelled at the group behind me for being annoying. They were extremely irritating, singing songs and cheering, but the manager decided to kick me out instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 327

You deserved it 1 478

kerrywoodwins20 2

Wednesday 24 October 2012 15:52

Ask her on a date for compensation.

SauceySarah 30

Wednesday 24 October 2012 15:53

They better give you a free drink!

Comments

hama806 19

Wednesday 24 October 2012 16:02

They now owe you free drinks for 12 years! Score!

lovepandorasaver 11

Wednesday 24 October 2012 16:06

Where everybody knows your name?

gracehi 31

Wednesday 24 October 2012 16:22

So many people who don't understand this reference. *sigh*

pennies_lane 6

Wednesday 24 October 2012 16:27

Cheers!

center 5

Wednesday 24 October 2012 16:13

So much for good Cheers.

thethingy 6

Wednesday 24 October 2012 16:14

That's extremely bad luck

Scotttles23 2

Wednesday 24 October 2012 16:20

Who pissed in her vodka and cranberry?!?

fordguy302 6

Wednesday 24 October 2012 16:27

Norm! oh wait wrong guy

gracehi 31

Wednesday 24 October 2012 16:44

More like, "Norm!" *blam!* *pow!* *boom!* "Oh wait, wrong guy."

I_iz_B_a_troll 23

Wednesday 24 October 2012 16:38

Three wrongs don't make a right?

joethebiden 8

Wednesday 24 October 2012 16:44

Wow, Australia sure means business. Did the guy who punched you in the nose have one of those hats with crocodile teeth?

bach2121 13

Wednesday 24 October 2012 16:47

How does that happen?

LollipopDragon 4

Wednesday 24 October 2012 16:50

No, they make a left.

Keywords

Miscellaneous Embarrassing Cute Work Christmas Am I overreacting? Cats Holidays Awkward Gifts Shopping Hair Relatable Health Friends Poopoo peepee Education Money Gross Animals Intimacy Sex Cops Neighbours Smells Love Painful First Dates Social Media Grieving

The Top

Today, it was my 21st birthday. I had a simple party with my boyfriend, with just a cake and a bottle of red wine. My boyfriend managed to get so drunk that he danced naked for 10 minutes, then told me I'm hideously obese but that he loves me anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 594

You deserved it 5 768

Today, I reached out to my mom to confide in her about possibly leaving my cheating husband. She said, "I think you need to stay married and do what you want on the side. That's what I did. I don't even know if your dad is your dad." Apparently she was cheating on my dad when she got pregnant with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 560

You deserved it 85

The Top

Today, I saw a spider in my bathtub, so instead of killing it, i decided to bring my dog inside the bathroom to kill the spider for me. Turns out that the spider was a black widow, and my dog was bit. The dog killed the spider. The spider killed my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 90 169

You deserved it 185 638

Today, I told my Dad I was an alcoholic and had decided to seek help. His reply, "Don't stop drinking, you are the life of the party, funny and beautiful when you drink." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 365

You deserved it 3 523

Who will be your champion this week?

I agree, your life sucks 440

You deserved it 129

Today, I was suffering from a persistant, irritating itch on my butthole. Worried, I took a picture with my iPhone to get an idea of what was causing said itch. I never found the source, but my Mum and grandmother did, on the iPad. Thanks, Photo Stream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 922

You deserved it 31 876

Today, I learned that my girlfriend can sleepwalk. She got up, came into the living room where I was laying back against the sofa playing video games. I wasn't really paying much attention, until she stepped on my crotch, after which she left. She doesn't remember a thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 372

You deserved it 6 205

Today, I called up the boy I like to ask him on a date. He said "Haha, thats a pretty good impression Chris. Next time pick someone less ugly and maybe I'd think this is real." He thought I was his friend prank calling him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 90 445

You deserved it 4 991

Same thing different taste

Never do this

Killjoy was hear

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