Miscellaneous: Today, I woke up after drunkenly hooking up with a girl who was...

By jibberish - 22/11/2009 00:15 - United States

Today, I woke up after drunkenly hooking up with a girl who was really into Twilight. I felt bruises on the lower end of my neck and so I went to the mirror and checked it out. She bit me, 5 times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 693

You deserved it 39 006

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Same thing different taste

By Pelota - 01/07/2009 21:46 - United States

Today, I tried to stop a drunk girl from driving home. She took a couple swings at me, which I dodged. Feeling pretty good about it, I tried to get the keys from her hand. She leaned over, and sunk her teeth in to my bare shoulder. The doctor says I will have a scar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 486

You deserved it 5 231

By shittyemployee - 28/07/2018 19:00

Today, I rushed to work after a night of drinking and partying, and put my hair up on my way in. People started worriedly asking what happened to my head, so I looked in the mirror. I had scratches and a welt on my forehead from hitting the wall during sex last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 846

You deserved it 3 169

By H-B - 28/04/2009 08:53 - United States

Today, I went out with a girl who I really love. We arrived to her house and before she got out of the car, I attempted to kiss her as planned. Still drunk, I grabbed her head and twisted it when I kissed her. She's now wearing a neck brace. Real smooth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 603

You deserved it 88 959

By feartheend511 - 19/08/2010 15:48 - United States

Today, while my friends were over, my mom took too many of her pills and walked around the house nude. She then bit me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 160

You deserved it 3 658

Worst party ever

By Dumbass - 10/01/2019 12:00

Today, I got too drunk at a party and cracked a tooth from opening a beer bottle with my teeth, farted something nasty in a room alone with someone, tried to climb a tree and fell out, and watched my crush make out with his new girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 887

You deserved it 4 038

By permanently scarred - 25/08/2018 15:00

Today, I was assaulted and knocked out by a girl at school for talking to her boyfriend. I woke up in the emergency room. After she knocked me unconscious, she took a knife and carved her initials into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 943

You deserved it 260

By nosey - 08/04/2013 19:20 - United Kingdom - Mountain Ash

Today, I woke up with my face covered in blood. Turns out that yesterday at my colleague's birthday party, I got so drunk that I started yelling "Nappy time!" before falling out of my hammock and face-first onto the concrete ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 667

You deserved it 40 134

Out of pocket

By Anonymous - 12/05/2023 03:30 - India - Kannur

Today, I woke up in my boss’s sofa. I was covered in vomit, my head was hurting too much, and the only thing I could remember from the party the day before was that I was holding hands with my boss. I thought the story ended there but turns out I bit him on the neck, not once, not twice, but thrice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 221

You deserved it 1 095

By RomanceFail - 02/04/2015 12:51 - United States - Crestwood

Today, I woke up my girlfriend up with a cute kiss. She was apparently having a bad dream and headbutted me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 041

You deserved it 3 381

By lehonj49 - 21/06/2013 16:10 - Australia - Burwood

Today, after years of battling my social anxiety issues, I went out clubbing with my friends. A girl started talking to me and we actually hit it off. The next thing I know, I'm on the floor getting wailed on by some bloke for hitting on his girlfriend. She didn't do a thing to stop him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 854

You deserved it 3 688

allmidnighteyes 10

Sunday 22 November 2009 9:26

YDI for hooking up with a Twilight fan. Stupid ******* misogynistic shit like that should NEVER be passed off as actual literature. The whole series can pretty much summed up with, "EDWARD CULLEN WAS SO HAWT I CAME GLITTER" I wish I could be a deranged mormon housewife so I could make millions off a book series - based off creepy sexual fantasies for a sparkling douchenozzle - that glorifies/romanticizes shallow relationships based on lust, stalking, and werewolves falling in love with baby children.

ScaredyCat 2

Sunday 22 November 2009 9:25

you deserve it for not being turned off by a girl into "Twatlight"

Comments

xLovey 3

Tuesday 24 November 2009 5:03

This isn't anywhere near an FML. Yeah sucks to slept with some retard bimbo who likes twilight, but biting is hot.

Brey1013 0

Tuesday 24 November 2009 14:09

Twighlight is uber gay

becca_reety 0

Thursday 26 November 2009 1:02

That's not a good FML......... who doesn't like a little biting? a little pain releases endorphins which makes climaxing even better!!!!!!!! plus twilight may not be your cup of tea..... but before trashing it, at least learn how to spell!!!!! :)

COBRAMORPH 0

Thursday 26 November 2009 23:36

She is a drunken *****, you are a drunken idiot. Hopefully you didnt get anything from the drunk ****.

drops_of_Jupiter 0

Friday 27 November 2009 3:39

i think biting's pretty hot honestly.

CalamityStriker 0

Friday 27 November 2009 9:18

rabies... I'd get checked.. Lmao

loserboii 11

Thursday 3 December 2009 0:27

Problem 1: You were drunk Problem 2: A Twilight chick I'd love to give you a YDI, but some of us get drunk at times. Plus how did you know she was going to bite you.. five times. FYL indeed LMAO

itsHannaherex 0

Saturday 26 December 2009 12:40

Twiligtht just had to come as book, and as a movie this time of a year too.

thecirclingskies 0

Friday 1 January 2010 23:03

You'd have to be extremely, dangerously, almost irrevocably intoxicated to make hooking up with a Twilight fangirl acceptable. YDI

050294 0

Tuesday 26 January 2010 13:45

stpanimal - The movie AND book series suck **** and the books are the most atrocious ATTEMPTS at literature. Robert Pattison (sp?) is disgustingly ugly and looks as if he's covered in grime. And, before you whine, yes, I HAVE watched both the two movies and ALL of the books (for lulz). Now **** off, please.