Miscellaneous: Today, I woke up after drunkenly hooking up with a girl who was...

By jibberish - 22/11/2009 00:15 - United States

Today, I woke up after drunkenly hooking up with a girl who was really into Twilight. I felt bruises on the lower end of my neck and so I went to the mirror and checked it out. She bit me, 5 times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 693

You deserved it 39 006

Black Friday: Sales and crazy situations
Shopping stories where discounts aren't the only surprises! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Pelota - 01/07/2009 21:46 - United States

Today, I tried to stop a drunk girl from driving home. She took a couple swings at me, which I dodged. Feeling pretty good about it, I tried to get the keys from her hand. She leaned over, and sunk her teeth in to my bare shoulder. The doctor says I will have a scar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 486

You deserved it 5 231

By shittyemployee - 28/07/2018 19:00

Today, I rushed to work after a night of drinking and partying, and put my hair up on my way in. People started worriedly asking what happened to my head, so I looked in the mirror. I had scratches and a welt on my forehead from hitting the wall during sex last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 846

You deserved it 3 168

By H-B - 28/04/2009 08:53 - United States

Today, I went out with a girl who I really love. We arrived to her house and before she got out of the car, I attempted to kiss her as planned. Still drunk, I grabbed her head and twisted it when I kissed her. She's now wearing a neck brace. Real smooth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 602

You deserved it 88 957

By feartheend511 - 19/08/2010 15:48 - United States

Today, while my friends were over, my mom took too many of her pills and walked around the house nude. She then bit me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 159

You deserved it 3 657

Worst party ever

By Dumbass - 10/01/2019 12:00

Today, I got too drunk at a party and cracked a tooth from opening a beer bottle with my teeth, farted something nasty in a room alone with someone, tried to climb a tree and fell out, and watched my crush make out with his new girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 886

You deserved it 4 037

By permanently scarred - 25/08/2018 15:00

Today, I was assaulted and knocked out by a girl at school for talking to her boyfriend. I woke up in the emergency room. After she knocked me unconscious, she took a knife and carved her initials into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 942

You deserved it 259

By nosey - 08/04/2013 19:20 - United Kingdom - Mountain Ash

Today, I woke up with my face covered in blood. Turns out that yesterday at my colleague's birthday party, I got so drunk that I started yelling "Nappy time!" before falling out of my hammock and face-first onto the concrete ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 667

You deserved it 40 132

Out of pocket

By Anonymous - 12/05/2023 03:30 - India - Kannur

Today, I woke up in my boss’s sofa. I was covered in vomit, my head was hurting too much, and the only thing I could remember from the party the day before was that I was holding hands with my boss. I thought the story ended there but turns out I bit him on the neck, not once, not twice, but thrice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 221

You deserved it 1 094

By RomanceFail - 02/04/2015 12:51 - United States - Crestwood

Today, I woke up my girlfriend up with a cute kiss. She was apparently having a bad dream and headbutted me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 040

You deserved it 3 380

By lehonj49 - 21/06/2013 16:10 - Australia - Burwood

Today, after years of battling my social anxiety issues, I went out clubbing with my friends. A girl started talking to me and we actually hit it off. The next thing I know, I'm on the floor getting wailed on by some bloke for hitting on his girlfriend. She didn't do a thing to stop him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 852

You deserved it 3 688

allmidnighteyes 10

Sunday 22 November 2009 9:26

YDI for hooking up with a Twilight fan. Stupid ******* misogynistic shit like that should NEVER be passed off as actual literature. The whole series can pretty much summed up with, "EDWARD CULLEN WAS SO HAWT I CAME GLITTER" I wish I could be a deranged mormon housewife so I could make millions off a book series - based off creepy sexual fantasies for a sparkling douchenozzle - that glorifies/romanticizes shallow relationships based on lust, stalking, and werewolves falling in love with baby children.

ScaredyCat 2

Sunday 22 November 2009 9:25

you deserve it for not being turned off by a girl into "Twatlight"

Comments

Emperor_Jim 0

Monday 23 November 2009 8:28

YDI for hooking up with a girl who likes Twilight. Don't encourage them.

Ninjaface 0

Monday 23 November 2009 8:41

Lucky for you she just thought she was a Twilight vampire. A REAL vampire would have known that the bitespot with the most blood was quite a bit lower.

loltreated 0

Monday 23 November 2009 9:02

Kinda worn out with the Twilight dissing. If you don't like the books/movies, then fine. My boyfriend doesn't like them, either. But, damn, y'all gotta give it a rest and let the people who do like it enjoy it in peace. There's gotta be shit you guys like that other people think is ******* worthless, and you don't see me judging you and stereotyping you.

Shadow_Phantom 26

Monday 23 November 2009 10:09

What's funny is Sparklepires don't drink human blood or have fangs. And yet all these little girls are running around screaming "OMG IMA VAMPIRE" when they have no freakin clue. Twilight's pretty much on the same boat as the rest of the pop-culture, filler entertainment, such as the Disney Channel stars and 'emo' bands of today; things we've already heard or seen for the 100th time, entertainment that has no soul or though put into it... As Stephen King said, "Stephenie Meyer can't write worth a darn. She's not very good." @147: Nah, I don't think I like anything that fails as much as Twilight. If fangirls can try to shove it down our throats, we have a freedom to retaliate. As for the OP, YDI. Sorry, but you were drunk.