Miscellaneous: Today, I woke up and heard a noise coming from the kitchen. I...

By Karl - 21/02/2011 11:43

Today, I woke up and heard a noise coming from the kitchen. I went down stairs and saw a huge guy in there. I got a vase and hit him over the head, not realizing it was my mom's new boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 752

You deserved it 5 970

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Same thing different taste

By Lilragu97 - 26/07/2012 05:14 - United States - Exeter

Today, I walked into my upstairs bathroom to find my mom's new boyfriend eating soup, naked on the toilet. In shock, I stepped back and fell down a flight of stairs, backwards, and hit my head on wall, leaving a dent in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 369

You deserved it 2 395

Slasher

By Anonymous - 09/09/2013 17:44 - United States - Sylvania

Today, my mom bumped into a table with a glass vase on it. Seeing that the vase was about to fall, I lunged to catch it. Before I got there, the vase fell and shattered, resulting in me diving into the broken shards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 943

You deserved it 5 942

Mistaken identity

By Guess I was wrong - 16/03/2020 06:23

Today, I came home to find a man standing in my living room. Since my mom texted me that her new boyfriend would be coming over, I just assumed it was him. I introduced myself, made us some coffee and I went to my room to study. When I went downstairs after a while, the TV was missing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 750

You deserved it 425

By Chris - 03/04/2011 17:41 - United States

Today, I was awoken by my dad yelling into my ear. In shock, I jumped up off the couch, and came smashing down into the coffee table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 654

You deserved it 4 132

Occam's razor

By anonymous - 12/02/2011 05:48 - Canada

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. Groggy and disoriented, I bumped into several pieces of furniture and made a lot of noise. My dad woke up, mistook me for a burglar, and knocked me out with his fist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 818

You deserved it 4 718

Compassion in action

By annie the witch - 27/09/2023 22:00

Today, my boyfriend died. I was crying in my room when I heard a knock on my door. I thought it was my mom coming to comfort me, but instead she yelled and screamed at me for doing the dishes wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 061

You deserved it 103

Spooked

By awkwardpartybear - 04/01/2014 23:43 - United States - West Palm Beach

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to a figure holding a knife above me. After I screamed in terror, the figure burst into laughter. It was my mom. She did this as payback for me not washing the dishes last night after making food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 854

You deserved it 17 637

By ohfantastic - 25/01/2009 02:47 - United States

Today, I was sleeping with my boyfriend and woke up in his arms to hear him say "Mom, Mom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 696

You deserved it 2 385

By BoomHeadshot - 02/05/2012 02:27 - Australia

Today, I was trying to sneak home from a party. Instead, I head-butted a glass door and woke my mother up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 631

You deserved it 32 852

By Rob - 07/11/2018 03:00

Today, I was in my bedroom with my boyfriend and we were kissing. My mom then came into my room and started shouting at my boyfriend for cheating on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 862

You deserved it 401

Megalomania_fml 0

Monday 21 February 2011 19:11

It's your moms fault for not telling you about her new boyfriend. I'd do the same.

adjacent 2

Monday 21 February 2011 19:13

Mom: hmm I think its a good idea to let this big burglar looking guy in the house without my childrens knowledge, obviously they'll know its my BF!

Comments

LexxyLiime 0

Monday 21 February 2011 20:10

win

SirEBC 7

Monday 21 February 2011 20:13

Karrrrrrrllllllll, you can't just hit random people over the head, Kaaarrrrlllll.

pandabeargirl89 0

Tuesday 22 February 2011 1:18

I love llamas with hats :P

penguinonastairc 0

Tuesday 22 February 2011 3:16

This is a win.

sky22_fml 7

Monday 21 February 2011 20:36

Whoa! Crap! Lol just be happy he lived...

Blue_Barbie 0

Monday 21 February 2011 20:46

Mama is definitely getting some!!

niggsby 0

Monday 21 February 2011 21:10

Karlllllll that KILLS people!

tallybear1403 0

Wednesday 16 November 2011 6:10

Its not nice to copy dude

talktomandybaby 8

Monday 21 February 2011 21:12

its okay,i would have done the same thing:) react before you speak, lol.

wolve86 0

Monday 21 February 2011 21:15

thats what he gets for being a fat and thinking he can just help himself to the food in your fridge... I mean you havnt even been introduced so I think its a little early for the "help yourself to anything in our fridge" stage.

taradeborde87 3

Tuesday 24 April 2012 0:07

Technically, it's the mom's fridge...so she could tell him to help himself, since she probably paid for all the food in it, too!

cdog702 0

Monday 21 February 2011 21:26

dude u did the right thing cause nowa days u dont know wth is going on and if i woulda saw a guy i didnt know in my house i woulda did the same and he legally cant sue u cause u didnt know who he was and 2) its leagal to defend ur self with a intruder in ur house