Love: Today, I woke up and looked in the mirror and noticed that my...

By IB6UB9 - 28/11/2009 17:32 - United States

Today, I woke up and looked in the mirror and noticed that my face was covered in glitter. I asked my wife about it and she said she put it on me while I was sleeping so that I would sparkle like Edward from Twilight when I'm in the sunlight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 169

You deserved it 6 976

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

By chapstick - 09/01/2014 03:23 - United States - San Dimas

Today, my lips were dry and chapped, so I asked if I could use some of my friend's chapstick. She didn't mind, so I quickly put some on. Only later did I notice that my lips were sparkly. Turns out it was glitter balm. Now everyone calls me "princess." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 896

You deserved it 13 695

Not a biology major

By Anonymous - 27/10/2019 04:00

Today, I found out my boyfriend ate glitter. When I asked him why he would do such an insane thing, he replied, "I wanted my jizz to sparkle." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 678

You deserved it 281

By Anonymous - 21/06/2019 04:30

Today, I sparkled because of this glitter bar my mother got me from Lush. I didn't realize until after I got out of the shower that it wasn't just ordinary soap. I tried to wipe off the glitter. It wouldn't come off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 640

You deserved it 282

By miss tomato - 08/06/2012 16:36 - United States

Today, I was really badly sunburnt, so I put on some after-sun. The only type we have has glitter in it, and now I look like a sparkling tomato. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 507

You deserved it 5 672

By hopelessteej - 28/01/2013 13:55 - Australia - Sydney

Today, someone put a whole packet of glitter on the blades of my ceiling fan. Too bad I only noticed when I turned it on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 138

You deserved it 4 096

By titou - 05/01/2009 03:33 - France

Today, well, last night, I told my girlfriend that I'm a light sleeper, and that the slightest disturbance will wake me up. As a result, this morning when I looked in the mirror I noticed a bunch of stuff written all over my body, like "You see, you didn't wake up!", "Nor now!". FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 725

You deserved it 32 652

By Anonymous - 27/04/2011 19:16 - United States

Today, I awoke to make-up all over my face and nail polish on my hands and feet because my daughter wanted "daddy to look pretty." I have a job interview in an hour and none of it is coming off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 536

You deserved it 5 374

By msnewyearseve - 01/01/2012 17:19 - United States

Today, I woke up after a long night of partying. When I went to wash off my face, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. My missing tooth was almost enough to make me overlook my black eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 867

You deserved it 33 133

By Raaar - 26/08/2009 04:29 - United States

Today, I went to a concert. Knowing these concerts usually include a lot of black lights, I decided to wear a black T-shirt so I wouldn't glow. I was having a good time, but about halfway through I noticed someone pointing to my shoulder. I looked down to see my dandruff glowing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 490

You deserved it 17 678

Cute but… TMI

By heytherexo - 05/04/2009 02:10 - United States

Today, while I was showering, my 3 year-old son came to the bathroom and put on all my makeup. Once I got out of the shower, I got a camera I had and took a few adorable shots. Afterwards, I sent the images to all my friends and family. Then I realized the reflection on the mirror was me fully naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 957

You deserved it 93 491

aaaaa2p 0

Saturday 28 November 2009 23:02

Your wife sucks.

TheLoneWolf87 4

Saturday 28 November 2009 23:05

We seriously need a Who Gives A Damn About Twilight feature on FML.

Comments

katatak 0

Saturday 28 November 2009 23:11

Must be payback for turning into a 13 year old and going "honk honk" when you squeeze her boobs. She just wanted you to be in the same age bracket again.

YNasty 0

Saturday 28 November 2009 23:28

win

iGreen_Day 0

Saturday 28 November 2009 23:45

dntknowaname 0

Sunday 29 November 2009 3:31

awesome!

RoseCuba 0

Sunday 29 November 2009 16:44

agreed!

Aliaandraa 0

Wednesday 2 December 2009 3:46

hahaha. nice.

daemonsparta 16

Sunday 16 August 2015 0:03

because you know for sure op does that.....

crudeandrudeguy 29

Tuesday 26 January 2016 21:54

330- All men have done it...

Leethal88 3

Saturday 28 November 2009 23:12

Omg i feel bad for you. I'm tired of all that twilight garbage

leero 0

Saturday 28 November 2009 23:13

http://tinyurl.com/yjss8au seriously FYL

allmidnighteyes 10

Saturday 28 November 2009 23:15

Twilight is the literary equivalent of bands like Nickelback, Millionaires, Brokencyde, 3OH!3, Attack Attack!, Owl City, Basshunter, and Blood On The Dance Floor.

meanie_monday 0

Saturday 28 November 2009 23:34

Marry me :)

Cupffin 0

Sunday 29 November 2009 0:01

Is that a good thing?

perfectwinds 0

Sunday 29 November 2009 1:28

No, not a good thing. Not a good thing at all.

nokillnobeepbeep 0

Sunday 29 November 2009 1:40

Lies, it is a great thing.

Whatsername6353 0

Sunday 29 November 2009 1:44

Yes, finally someone understands how awful they are!

Hudinaddi 0

Sunday 29 November 2009 4:07

Oh, really now? I love Brokencyde, BOTDF, Owl City, Attack Attack!, and Basshunter. They do suck but, equivalent? God dang. They're not THAT shitty.

sarcdude 3

Sunday 29 November 2009 4:29

Hey, I don't even listen to much rock and I don't think Nickleback is /that/ bad, it's actually listenable where Twilight isn't readable. Now if you said the literary equivalent of Soulja Boy...

dirtygurdy 0

Sunday 29 November 2009 18:36

yea they actually are that shitty

bored690 0

Sunday 29 November 2009 21:47

I HATE NICKLEBACK. and twilight,.

melissa_10 7

Tuesday 1 December 2009 8:23

i love nickelback & twilight! =)

mannequiin 0

Sunday 27 December 2009 16:37

fail.

daemonsparta 16

Sunday 16 August 2015 0:04

hey hey. ..owl city and nickelback don't deserve such an insult

Rellich 0

Saturday 28 November 2009 23:15

YDI for marrying a 13 year old.

lostfaithinpppl 19

Saturday 28 November 2009 23:16

YDI for being married to a moron. Your own ******* choice.

FerrariCake 2

Saturday 28 November 2009 23:18

Don't worry... her obsession with Edward will end soon. Next up: your wife will walk into traffic on a busy street and then expect you to save her like Edward would, with your super-human-like-Edward strength. And that'll be the end of her.

rickrolled01 0

Sunday 29 November 2009 0:02

Win

Sunako_fml 9

Saturday 28 November 2009 23:18

god.. people are doing such stupid things such as dumping their boyfriends, slicing open their necks and putting glitter on their husbands because of this stupid book... f our lives