Intimacy: Today, I woke up and realized I'd experienced my first "nocturnal...

By Anonymous - 30/12/2009 04:58 - United States

Today, I woke up and realized I'd experienced my first "nocturnal emission". I'm a 24 year-old guy who has been married for 3 months. Guess who isn't getting any. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 418

You deserved it 3 109

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Same thing different taste

Inactive

By inbogota - 06/03/2021 15:30 - Colombia

Today, I had the most action in months when I woke up to a wet dream. I'm married, I guess that tells you all about my sex life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 996

You deserved it 162

By brokedick - 12/12/2011 06:23 - United States

Today, after 5 years of no intimate, sexual contact with a woman, I finally got my chance. Unfortunately, I also discovered that I have full-on erectile dysfunction. I'm 23 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 388

You deserved it 4 089

Just once

By Anonymous - 19/02/2020 20:00

Today, at last, my husband instigated sex for the first time since the honeymoon a few months ago when he started fondling me in bed. Then I realised he was asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 973

You deserved it 200

Nocturnal emissions

By James - 16/11/2022 06:00 - United States - Warner Robins

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to my man juice all over me. I'm 40 years-old, and haven’t had a wet dream since my early high school days. The worst part is that the only dream I remember involved going to the DMV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 941

You deserved it 238

Leave Me Alone

By gordogs 25 - 04/04/2012 10:53 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I woke up for the third time in a row from a wet dream about my ex-girlfriend. I'm currently on my honeymoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 121

You deserved it 13 042

By Anonymous - 02/02/2011 21:47 - United States

Today, I woke up from my honeymoon to discover the love of my life is a bed wetter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 695

You deserved it 9 443

By Wet dreamer - 17/01/2018 19:00

Today, I slept in my boyfriend's room for the first time. I also wet the bed for the first time in a decade. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 928

You deserved it 776

Not going well, is it?

By Anonymous - 24/03/2021 20:00 - United States

Today, I've been married for six months, my husband and I are in our early twenties, and not only does he have absolutely no interest in any kind of sexual act with me, he actually becomes angry and irritated when I try to come on to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 409

You deserved it 250

By homewrecker - 01/08/2009 13:44 - United States

Today, I woke up from a night of crazy drunken sex with a guy I had met at a friends 23rd birthday party. The lights had been off when we had stumbled in to his house the night before. When I opened my eyes today, the first thing I saw was his family picture, complete with his wife and son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 073

You deserved it 64 018

By Imretarded - 24/05/2009 05:18 - United States

Today, I saw my mom naked as she came out of the shower. I realized that's the first time I've ever seen a naked woman. I'm a 24 year old guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 955

You deserved it 13 573

vrock 0

Monday 1 August 2011 5:11

Wow, its bitches like you that make me love my girlfriend

allmidnighteyes 10

Thursday 31 December 2009 5:23

Is your "BF", by any chance, the hamster in your profile picture?

Comments

GCali4 0

Tuesday 1 March 2011 1:07

Sex at 15? Thats just disgusting. I agree.. Shes a ****.

mayo21 0

Monday 4 April 2011 16:31

my guess is your wife isn't getting any. be a man.

Syntax_fml 4

Wednesday 13 April 2011 7:01

23... never had a wet dream. :/

roadracer39 5

Thursday 11 August 2011 12:53

welcome to married life. get used to masturbation.

21jason 9

Wednesday 23 November 2011 16:00

Guess who's going back to spanking the monkey?

daaniel69 6

Sunday 18 March 2012 8:18

That sounds lovely.

mathsgeek69 8

Sunday 2 November 2014 13:48

your wife sounds like a *****

Cathrin 26

Friday 20 March 2015 18:00

That's not a healthy relationship. Sex isn't everything, but that doesn't mean it's nothing. You might need to talk to her about that.

Sheepiebeepie 26

Thursday 3 December 2015 2:24

You're not getting any cause you call it that.

Diamond_don 18

Saturday 31 December 2016 17:49

The girl in the dream is always fine

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The Top

Today, my grandpa told me that he and grandma had an open relationship, because, "it isn't satisfying to have sexuality with only one person your whole life.” According to grandma, he just cheated on her constantly and she couldn’t do anything to stop him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 143

You deserved it 149

Today, I was giving a presentation at work, when I said, "But we could care less about that." My boss asked if I meant, "Couldn't care less." Wanting to avoid embarrassment, I tried to think up an excuse, only to end up blurting that it was my phone's auto-correct. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 584

You deserved it 35 268

The Top

Tsk tsk tsk...

I agree, your life sucks 336

You deserved it 715

Today, after pointing out to my landlord that they have taken nearly $6k from me through illegal rent increases, I was evicted for the first time in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 901

You deserved it 1 166

Today, I started a new job. I was in a meeting, all day, training under a guy. This was the same middle-class-gravyboat guy who has no idea what he's doing, attributes things to false-positive root causes, and is defensive whenever someone knows more than him. I left my last job because of this type of guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 233

You deserved it 249

Today, I thought it would be fun to post a throwback photo of myself in high school on Facebook. I didn't realize I was still logged into my work account. Now all my colleagues and clients have seen my awkward teenage years, complete with braces, pimples, and an unfortunate haircut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 113

You deserved it 627

Today, the canteen of the company I work for introduced a cash-less payment method to purchase food. To use it, employees must download the app, which is only available for iPhones. I have a BlackBerry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 012

You deserved it 3 316

Today, my parents woke me up at 4 am and informed me of their impending divorce. They then woke me up again three hours later and told me "never mind". This same routine happens several times a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 472

You deserved it 2 414