Miscellaneous: Today, I woke up at my crazy ex-girlfriend's house, naked and... - FML

By drugged_on_arrival - 10/09/2009 10:55 - Virgin Islands British

Today, I woke up at my crazy ex-girlfriend's house, naked and disoriented. You know, the kind of crazy like we-didn't-break-up-it-was-just-a-fight-now-we-can-get-married crazy. She says everything's fine now and she's so glad we've "started our family." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 229

You deserved it 16 838

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Same thing different taste

By Lifetime Presents: - 06/07/2016 11:50 - United States - Southfield

Today, I found out my fiancé is already married. His "crazy ex-wife" is not all that crazy, and is still his wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 614

You deserved it 1 014

By Anonymous - 08/06/2019 16:00

Today, I found our that my crazy ex, who, after our break up, said to me, "I'm setting my life to make yours hell" has befriended my current girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 069

You deserved it 160

Set the scene

By NJ. - 24/01/2009 10:41 - United States

Today, I went to work things out with my girlfriend, with whom I'd had a huge fight with. She told me the night before to come over at noon and that she would be awake. I unlocked the door to see that the place was a mess. She'd thrown a party and was still passed out naked next to her boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 236

You deserved it 2 449

By oh - 23/02/2016 02:41 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my ex-girlfriend woke up from a coma that lasted a few months. Her parents called me from the hospital shortly after because she was in hysterics that I wasn't there. Apparently she thinks we're still together, and I now have to somehow break up with her again after almost a year apart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 562

You deserved it 2 099

By geniusdrunk - 09/08/2019 02:00

Today, after a month of sobriety, I woke up in my ex-girlfriend's house with absolutely no recollection as to how I got there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 416

You deserved it 712

By Matt - 13/07/2012 19:06 - United States

Today, I woke up in a daze after a long night drinking. I felt a subtle nudge on my shoulder. I was at my ex-girlfriend's house, passed out on top of her, with no pants on. Her dad was, in so many words, informing me that I had to leave immediately. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 346

You deserved it 57 819

By effyou - 10/02/2011 05:16 - United States

Today, my best friend decided to start dating my ex. We broke up yesterday. She also thinks I'm crazy because I'm upset about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 405

You deserved it 4 224

By Anonymous - 28/12/2011 05:26 - United States

Today, my girlfriend woke up in the middle of the night, crying. When I asked her why, she said that she had a dream where we were getting married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 745

You deserved it 3 597

Wait, what?

By Anonymous - 09/03/2022 22:00

Today, I woke up in a pool of what felt like sweat and tears. Little did I realize, my then-girlfriend had snuck into the house and drenched me in salty water to get me back for kissing her sister. I guess we're even now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 189

You deserved it 1 844

Mommy dearest

By Ohkourt - 20/04/2020 05:00

Today, I woke up only to find my half-naked drunk mother in my living room, talking in her sleep about how much she hates me. She still doesn't see what's wrong with this picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 663

You deserved it 125

Next

Top comments

Anon17564 3

Thursday 10 September 2009 20:07

I think being drugged and raped is a bit too much for just FML... Go to the ******* police.

Zwische 13

Thursday 10 September 2009 20:06

....the ****?

Comments

thatonetribute 31

Tuesday 3 February 2015 17:02

Man, I hope you called the police.

pizzaloverchick 9

Thursday 19 March 2015 17:56

make it seem like you want it too, then when she trusts you run away

Um_bye 21

Friday 19 June 2015 19:58

Call the police!!!! That's rape

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The Top

Today, I finally got an interview for the job I want. The interviewer looked at my resumé and asked, "So, what have you been doing for the past 10 years?" I guess binge-watching Netflix wasn't the right answer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 201

You deserved it 1 118

Today, my sister was concerned that her daughter (my niece) was sick, and hesitant to take her to the ER. I asked if she'd eaten something she shouldn't have, and she replied, "No, especially since we feed her the most healthy food we can." This was fine until I flipped out when she said, "We even give her raw milk so that she'll be strong." FML

I agree, your life sucks 432

You deserved it 121

The Top

Today, I got home from work to I find my cash box open and empty. My mom walked up and said, "If you have a lock that easy to pick, you don't deserve the money." There was 650 dollars in there. She refuses to give it back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 324

You deserved it 197

Today, I got an X-ray and the nurse happened to mention the old break in my leg. Mom always said it was my twin brother who'd broken his leg. Can you see where this is going? I have now confirmed that at some point mom mixed me and my brother up, so we’ve being using each other’s names for 35 years FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 794

You deserved it 144

Today, my 92-year-old great-grandfather ran down the stairs in excitement, despite his severe arthritis. He told my great-grandmother that he was having the first erection in over 10 years, and grandma ordered me to leave so they could do it right there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 725

You deserved it 778

Today, I got to my log cabin after an hour's hiking. I lit the fire because it was freezing and my stupid dog sniffed the fire, looked me in the eye, then jumped right into the fire and knocked the logs everywhere. My cabin is now ashes and I had an hour's hike back to my car with my stupid dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 568

You deserved it 184

Today, I asked my landlord if I could get a dog. He said no, and gave me an illegal rent increase. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 026

You deserved it 133

Today, I was going to work and got in the elevator. I was going through my bag for my phone and asked the man in the elevator to push the button for me. He gave me a look of death before I realized he had no arms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 684

You deserved it 13 958