Miscellaneous: Today, I woke up at my grandparents house since my mom was out...

By poop - 08/03/2009 23:57 - United States

Today, I woke up at my grandparents house since my mom was out of town, still half asleep i went to brush my teeth. Mid brush my mouth started getting numb I looked again at the tooth paste I used..turns out it was my grandpa's anti-itch anal cream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 060

You deserved it 22 156

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Same thing different taste

By uofpalum - 19/03/2009 01:41 - United States

Today, I stayed over at my grandparents' house. I woke up and had to brush my teeth. My grandma asked if I had found a toothbrush to use. I told her that I used my old purple toothbrush. She told me that was the toothbrush she used to brush her toenails. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 482

You deserved it 10 809

By Noname - 09/11/2008 09:18 - France

Today, whilst brushing my teeth, I fell asleep poking myself in the eye with my toothbrush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 689

You deserved it 13 854

Ouch

By Anonymous - 31/07/2020 02:03

Today, while brushing my teeth half asleep, I stabbed myself in the eye with my toothbrush, toothpaste included. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 112

You deserved it 568

By lanikai610 - 26/10/2011 18:35 - United States

Today, there was no toilet paper left, so I asked my grandmother if I could use her Kleenex tissues. I found out too late that they were Vicks VapoRub tissues. My crotch has been burning for the last half hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 384

You deserved it 7 616

By Anonymous - 25/09/2010 14:45 - Malaysia

Today, I was trying to apply some toothpaste on my pimple to help dry it out. My mum came from behind and hugged me, making me accidentally apply minty toothpaste into my right eye instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 867

You deserved it 4 697

Wanker

By bongoboy - 25/04/2009 07:51 - United States

Today, I was staying with my grandma. While in her bathroom, the floss I was using cut my gum which made me wince in slight pain. At the same time, my grandma was walking by in the corridor, so she stopped to say, "Don't wank in my bathroom you sicko!" Now my grandma thinks I'm a pervert. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 395

You deserved it 6 245

By Anonymous - 30/06/2011 17:30 - United States

Today, I woke up to find that not only did the toothpaste I put on my pimple make it more noticable, but it made it worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 453

You deserved it 34 650

By notsoclean - 24/12/2010 21:14 - United States

Today, I was at the dentist's, getting my teeth cleaned. He thought it would be funny to suddenly go on in detail about the fantastic sex he and his wife had the night before. I was unable to speak the entire time. The dentist is my grandpa. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 486

You deserved it 3 697

By Dilly - 10/10/2010 20:29 - United Kingdom

Today, I was tidying my room when my gran came in and offered to help. I said I didn't need any, but she started going through it anyway. She found a tube of "Very Cherry" lube and asked what it was. I subtly tore off the label and tried to convince her it was a face mask. She's taken it to try it out tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 828

You deserved it 9 293

You absolute melt

By hkkilla - 16/03/2010 17:40 - United States

Today, I had four teeth pulled, and my mom brought me some ice cream to help with the pain. I fell asleep before I could finish it, and without realising, I left the bowl on my bed. I woke up a few hours later with ice cream spilled all over me, my pants, and all over my now-dead phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 860

You deserved it 10 537

Amkii 0

Monday 9 March 2009 2:36

Analicious!

itybitykity 0

Monday 9 March 2009 2:35

Classic jaw-drop moment for me just now. That is terrible.

Comments

friedman_fml 0

Monday 9 March 2009 2:58

#10, don't be so harsh, its no big deal. but it is hilarious

annonohmus 0

Monday 9 March 2009 3:07

That had to have been a huge tube of anal cream, I'm gonna say you deserved that one.

EpicFail33 0

Monday 9 March 2009 3:10

Sooo did it not occur to you that it didn't taste minty-fresh??

ancientmudkipz 0

Monday 9 March 2009 3:12

# 6 lol

ubbernoob 0

Monday 9 March 2009 3:14

how can you accidentally use anal creme instead of toothpaste?

aaaronaaa 0

Monday 9 March 2009 3:21

HAHAHA that sucks so bad, you totally didn't deserve that

kupihea69 0

Monday 9 March 2009 3:36

Going to have to agree with #10 on this one, that is after all, what your eyes are for...

mak_fml 0

Monday 9 March 2009 3:39

gross! good anecdote, though. xD key words in this one, people: STILL HALF ASLEEP. stop being so harsh.

EpicFail33 0

Monday 9 March 2009 4:02

but you'd still think that you'd notice if it tastes like toothpaste or not, even if you are half asleep...

400382 0

Monday 9 March 2009 4:13

you couldn't taste the difference?! LOL. gross... anal cream. bet you had to wash your mouth out a million times afterwards. bahahaa.

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Today, my best friend called me to cancel our mall plans. I could hear that she was watching a movie in the background. I then called my boyfriend to see if he was busy, and I could hear the same movie in the background. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 313

You deserved it 157

Today, someone burgled my hotel room. As always, I had locked my passport, extra cash, and other valuables in the closet safe, so I thought the losses would be superficial. What a discovery that the safe hadn't been fastened to the closet shelf, so the thief just picked it up and took it home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 115

You deserved it 3 104

The Top

Today, I hit rock bottom; I watched one of those shitty infomercial channels, without even being forced into it at gunpoint. Even worse is that I practically creamed myself over a damn fruit juicer, all because it was 50% off and I could actually afford it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 158

You deserved it 7 433

Today, I tried skydiving for the first time. The professional I was attached to had a boner the whole way down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 727

You deserved it 6 073

Today, my husband has been isolating for 6 days in our bedroom, with me sleeping in the spare room, since his positive COVID test. I found instructions for how to fake the positive result on our shared iPad. He lied to get out of work, my birthday, and my parents' anniversary party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 027

You deserved it 266

Today, a thumb tack came out of one of my posters on my wall. The sole of my foot had the pleasure of finding it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 388

You deserved it 3 980

Today, by helping my sweet, caring boyfriend get over his crippling insecurities and develop some confidence, I've turned him into a lying, cheating asshole I can't stand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 477

You deserved it 1 483

Today, I went to get some teeth pulled. I had Novocaine in my gums and lip so I couldn't feel a thing. When the doctor is pulling out the last tooth, he sneezes and pulls the tooth out. He looks in my mouth and I hear, "Oh, shit..." I now have stitches in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 721

You deserved it 2 598

Same thing different taste

Ouch

Wanker

You absolute melt

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