Animals: Today, I woke up to my dog jumping on my bed and licking me all...

By ballbreath - 16/07/2014 15:44 - United States - Rancho Cucamonga

Today, I woke up to my dog jumping on my bed and licking me all over. It would've been fine, if I hadn't woken the first time a few minutes earlier to the sight of him going to town on his balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 839

You deserved it 5 181

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Same thing different taste

By Andrea Trevor - 30/04/2018 01:30

Today, I woke up at 5 a.m. to my dog jumping off of my bed. No big deal. I rolled over to the other side of the bed to fall back asleep and my face landed right in a puddle of his pee. I tasted it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 135

You deserved it 630

By killjoyx - 23/07/2015 18:28 - United States - Suffolk

Today, when I woke up, my dog excitedly came up to me and licked my face. A few minutes later, I find out he had thrown up twice before he licked my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 805

You deserved it 3 190

By Anonymous - 20/03/2012 11:57 - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Today, instead of waking up to soft sunlight creeping in the window or the gentle trill of birds, I was awakened by the sound of my dog vomiting all over my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 619

You deserved it 2 847

By Anonymous - 24/10/2015 16:41 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I woke up to my dog laying on the pillow next to me. When he saw that I was awake, he wagged his tail happily and then promptly sneezed in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 525

You deserved it 3 240

By Anonymous - 20/12/2012 19:50 - Spain - Santa Cruz De Tenerife

Today, I was woken up by my dog scratching at my door. After a while of this, I finally got up to let her in. When I opened the door, she looked at me, threw up, and scurried away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 996

You deserved it 9 670

By Anonymous - 27/08/2014 23:04 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was woken up by my wife softly kissing me on the lips. Half asleep, I kissed her back, before quickly opening my eyes and realising it wasn't my wife; it was my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 581

You deserved it 7 518

Top of the mornin' to ya!

By Anonymous Taco Man - 03/08/2021 08:01 - United States

Today, my dog had REALLY bad diarrhea. I found that out when I woke up to find it all over my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 929

You deserved it 105

Good boy

By AgathedeBlouse - 18/11/2008 06:42 - France

Today, as I do every morning, I woke up and gave my dog, who sleeps next to me, a kiss on the nose. Except that this morning he had been sleeping the other way round. I kissed him on the ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 566

You deserved it 25 171

Sharing space

By Fingerfqmycupcake - 30/10/2024 08:00 - United States - West Chicago

Today, I woke up feeling crabby because of lack of sleep. I noticed what woke me up, it was man's best friend. He kept moving around and wouldn't stop rotating in circles to get comfy. I told him to lay down and he looked at me, did another circle and lowered down, butthole first on my forehead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 167

You deserved it 338

By Annie - 22/11/2009 22:07 - Mexico

Today, I noticed that my dog was feeling sad. I let him hop on my bed with me to make him feel better. It worked, right after he vomited all over my face and pillow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 669

You deserved it 6 031

Welshite 39

Wednesday 16 July 2014 23:05

Well he was cleaning himself, and decided you needed a bath as well. Saliva and a tongue are the best things to wash with. Trust me...

kost4060 14

Wednesday 16 July 2014 23:06

My dog ate his puke then came to lick my face

Comments

DocBastard 38

Wednesday 16 July 2014 23:17

And people wonder why I like cats more than dogs. Cats are just willfully indifferent rather than intentionally disgusting.

slipstreak 10

Thursday 17 July 2014 4:35

I'm not so sure, one time I had gotten out of the shower and taken a nap only to wake up to my cat licking the hell out of my hair. MY HAIR. Needless to say, I showered again.

turtles4life 24

Thursday 17 July 2014 4:37

You realize cats lick their buttholes right? Lol they're just cleaning, maybe the dog was also just cleaning.

igive 29

Wednesday 16 July 2014 23:19

Good thing theres facial wash to freshen your face in the morning. Oh! Looks like your dog took care of that.

xLuvx2xLaffx 4

Wednesday 16 July 2014 23:20

The way I look at it, it means he likes you as much as he likes his balls. That's gotta put a smile on your face -- your dog-smegma-covered face.

JJ_86 22

Wednesday 16 July 2014 23:33

Smearing the face with dog-nut essence is good for having a wonderful and radiant day.

sexysaltshaker 11

Wednesday 16 July 2014 23:41

I swear they do it on purpose. I'm also speaking from experience.

neeni88 23

Wednesday 16 July 2014 23:43

The only difference in this situation, as opposed to other times he's licked you all over, is that this time you actually SAW him licking his balls beforehand lol.