Animals: Today, I woke up to my dog jumping on my bed and licking me all...

By ballbreath - 16/07/2014 15:44 - United States - Rancho Cucamonga

Today, I woke up to my dog jumping on my bed and licking me all over. It would've been fine, if I hadn't woken the first time a few minutes earlier to the sight of him going to town on his balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 839

You deserved it 5 181

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Same thing different taste

By Andrea Trevor - 30/04/2018 01:30

Today, I woke up at 5 a.m. to my dog jumping off of my bed. No big deal. I rolled over to the other side of the bed to fall back asleep and my face landed right in a puddle of his pee. I tasted it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 135

You deserved it 630

By killjoyx - 23/07/2015 18:28 - United States - Suffolk

Today, when I woke up, my dog excitedly came up to me and licked my face. A few minutes later, I find out he had thrown up twice before he licked my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 805

You deserved it 3 190

By Anonymous - 20/03/2012 11:57 - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Today, instead of waking up to soft sunlight creeping in the window or the gentle trill of birds, I was awakened by the sound of my dog vomiting all over my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 619

You deserved it 2 847

By Anonymous - 24/10/2015 16:41 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I woke up to my dog laying on the pillow next to me. When he saw that I was awake, he wagged his tail happily and then promptly sneezed in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 525

You deserved it 3 240

By Anonymous - 20/12/2012 19:50 - Spain - Santa Cruz De Tenerife

Today, I was woken up by my dog scratching at my door. After a while of this, I finally got up to let her in. When I opened the door, she looked at me, threw up, and scurried away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 996

You deserved it 9 670

By Anonymous - 27/08/2014 23:04 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was woken up by my wife softly kissing me on the lips. Half asleep, I kissed her back, before quickly opening my eyes and realising it wasn't my wife; it was my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 581

You deserved it 7 518

Top of the mornin' to ya!

By Anonymous Taco Man - 03/08/2021 08:01 - United States

Today, my dog had REALLY bad diarrhea. I found that out when I woke up to find it all over my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 929

You deserved it 105

Good boy

By AgathedeBlouse - 18/11/2008 06:42 - France

Today, as I do every morning, I woke up and gave my dog, who sleeps next to me, a kiss on the nose. Except that this morning he had been sleeping the other way round. I kissed him on the ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 566

You deserved it 25 171

Sharing space

By Fingerfqmycupcake - 30/10/2024 08:00 - United States - West Chicago

Today, I woke up feeling crabby because of lack of sleep. I noticed what woke me up, it was man's best friend. He kept moving around and wouldn't stop rotating in circles to get comfy. I told him to lay down and he looked at me, did another circle and lowered down, butthole first on my forehead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 167

You deserved it 338

By Annie - 22/11/2009 22:07 - Mexico

Today, I noticed that my dog was feeling sad. I let him hop on my bed with me to make him feel better. It worked, right after he vomited all over my face and pillow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 669

You deserved it 6 031

Welshite 39

Wednesday 16 July 2014 23:05

Well he was cleaning himself, and decided you needed a bath as well. Saliva and a tongue are the best things to wash with. Trust me...

kost4060 14

Wednesday 16 July 2014 23:06

My dog ate his puke then came to lick my face

Comments

lynds71 12

Thursday 17 July 2014 6:45

My does this to my private parts too. Its so gross. But my dog loves panties.

raptaki 8

Thursday 17 July 2014 9:19

Actually all dogs clean their balls so... lol

Ki11erC 18

Thursday 17 July 2014 11:24

So it would of been fine if you didn't know? I have a cat that I know licks her ass on a regular basis and she knows not to lick me.

Awnonymous 4

Thursday 17 July 2014 11:29

fmylife.com: Slightly annoyed white people

Mooglefox 23

Thursday 17 July 2014 15:32

This is why I don't let dogs lick my face at all.

rinoa_fml 10

Thursday 17 July 2014 15:39

Why does your dog have balls?

Omniprism 14

Thursday 17 July 2014 19:23

His balls are just like the rest of him- covered in fur. It's his penis I wouldn't want to be kissed afterwards. His balls aren't like people balls all sweaty and such.