Miscellaneous: Today, I woke up to my new roommate staring at me, just a few...

By 123roomielover - 26/01/2011 17:40 - United States

Today, I woke up to my new roommate staring at me, just a few inches from my face. She then told me how easy I would be to kill in my sleep. Then she stood up, naked from head to toe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 565

You deserved it 3 740

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 10/11/2010 16:32 - Argentina

Today, I woke up to find my new roommate staring straight at me. She then went on to say, "I love how you sleep," and continued to stare. I live in a residence off campus and I've already changed roommates twice this year. I'm stuck with a person who stares at me sleep for the next two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 461

You deserved it 3 906

By D: - 06/10/2013 17:13 - France - Paris

Today, I woke up to my creepy new roommate licking my cheek. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 408

You deserved it 3 899

By Anonymous - 07/01/2014 21:24 - United States

Today, I woke up to my psycho roommate trying to baptize me in my sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 366

You deserved it 5 212

By Jack - 26/10/2009 06:32 - United States

Today, I was in minding my own business in bed in my dorm room. It was dark and my roommate came over, intending to slap my ass really hard. The problem is, I was lying face up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 996

You deserved it 3 007

By Jonathan - 13/10/2008 08:27

Today, I woke up next to a beautiful, half-naked brunette in my bed. Two minutes later, my alarm clock woke me up for real. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 413

You deserved it 19 720

By bTOhno - 13/08/2011 06:37 - United States

Today, I woke up at my girlfriend's house. She was staring at me, holding a knife over my face. She ran away, giggling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 058

You deserved it 4 732

By mike oxsmall - 16/06/2011 05:42 - United States

Today, I woke up to a burglar holding a gun. He yelled at me to get up so I did. He then paused and laughed. I was sleeping naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 051

You deserved it 6 554

By Dirty_Mind_69 - 20/07/2013 08:35 - United States - Shreveport

Today, I came home from work to my hot roommate cooking and wearing nothing but an apron. She pulled me into her room and things went great. At least, they did before I woke up in the break room with my coworkers and boss all gathered around, listening to me talking in my sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 220

You deserved it 9 936

By noooo - 08/08/2011 07:10 - United States

Today, my new friend and I went out to a concert. When we came back to her house, she ran upstairs and left me alone. Suddenly, a naked man came into my view and I stared at him, horrified. Great way to meet her Dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 022

You deserved it 2 707

Creeped out

By HadToApologize - 03/11/2009 05:20 - United States

Today, I took a shower at my girlfriend's apartment. I was wandering around, gathering my clothes when I noticed my girl doing her hair in the other room. She looked sort of peculiar, so I stood there, studying her. Half naked. I then realized it wasn't my girlfriend, but her roommate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 379

You deserved it 23 084

DahkLohd 4

Wednesday 26 January 2011 22:01

Creepy.

MyNameIsBruce 0

Thursday 27 January 2011 0:20

Shut up. You tried to do it to Harry a few years back.

Comments

budd28 0

Friday 8 July 2011 2:31

soo ur room mate is a lunatic and all I can day is I hope u don't die .. good luck

constantine91 0

Wednesday 20 July 2011 9:09

gtfo!!!!

taylorbaylor56 0

Friday 22 July 2011 12:20

omg thats creepy..

Elendil_fml 10

Saturday 10 September 2011 21:22

I'm assuming you two then had sex, So, awesome story!

NeonBubblez 6

Tuesday 18 October 2011 0:36

I honestly... Would be somewhat terrified. O_O But then again... Nah.. Nevermind. ;D

MajinCarl 1

Thursday 27 October 2011 13:37

Heck yeah. I'll move in if you wanna leave.

kirstihort 5

Sunday 4 December 2011 2:39

That is hilarious

luvfurevr 5

Saturday 24 December 2011 1:09

8| sucks to be u

Narshwrangler 0

Tuesday 14 February 2012 6:25

... that's ****** up...

lolmikes 7

Saturday 18 February 2012 11:37

This would be better if you were a guy

Keywords

Miscellaneous Embarrassing Awkward Sleep Work Love Dating Annoying Am I overreacting? Health Parents Mental health Furniture Kids Friends Gross Public freakouts Fight Neighbours Cops Drugs Relatable Medication Animals Dogs Teenagers Ironic Video games Gamers Zoom

The Top

Today, while at work, I saw a kid empty his bladder all over the floor. His mother walked over, looked at me, said, "Yep… that just happened," and dragged him away. I'm a 30-year-old man, four credits shy of a Master's, stuck cleaning up piss at a dead-end job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 059

You deserved it 3 210

Today, to celebrate moving into a new apartment, my girlfriend decided she would get a kitten. She didn't know I'm allergic to cats. When I told her, she decided that she couldn't date someone who couldn't be around her cat; the one she doesn't have yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 444

You deserved it 3 015

The Top

Today, my boyfriend of six days proposed to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 88 250

You deserved it 12 454

Today, I had to explain to my son why it is not okay to slap old women's butts. He's 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 248

You deserved it 4 952

Today, I came home to find a note on my door. I thought it was from my elderly disabled neighbors thanking me for cleaning off their snow covered car, since about 6 inches came down. It was from them, only it said I owed them for damages to their car. Damages that were already there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 616

You deserved it 3 597

Today, I got super psyched up about a landscaping project my wife denied last year that she's finally game for, which will both fix a water leak into the house, and make our backyard look amazing. I took a week of PTO, then 20 minutes later my wife called to tell me a tree in our back yard fell over. We're also probably getting divorced. FML

I agree, your life sucks 503

You deserved it 98

Today, I accidentally sent a sext to my boss instead of my crush. Now I'm in the doghouse at work AND at home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 214

You deserved it 1 159

Today, my brother deleted all traces of the novel I've been working on for three years from my laptop. The reason? When I was born I "stole all of Mum and Dad's attention." He's 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 764

You deserved it 5 739

Same thing different taste

Creeped out

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