Kids: Today, it's my first Halloween in America since moving from Russia....

By VladyBoi - 01/11/2011 00:18 - United States

Today, it's my first Halloween in America since moving from Russia. While handing candy to children, my roommate told me to compliment a little girl by saying "You have a face only a parent could love". I found out it isn't a compliment when I was punched by her Dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 277

You deserved it 5 730

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 31/10/2010 00:00 - United States

Today, a kid came Trick-or-Treating at my house. When I told her it was still one more day until Halloween, and that I didn't have any candy, she wound-up her fist, punched me in the groin, and ran off laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 426

You deserved it 4 059

By Username - 12/11/2011 02:04 - United States

Today, a kid came trick or treating to my house. When I told him Halloween was nearly two weeks ago, his reaction was to savagely kick me in the shin and run off screaming obscenities. This is the same kid who broke down in tears when I gave him candy on the real Halloween. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 001

You deserved it 2 911

By Anonymous - 08/05/2009 03:02 - Canada

Today, I was at a restaurant when I heard a young girl telling her father she didn't think she was pretty. When I got up to leave, I walked past her table and told her she was beautiful. Her dad then punched me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 013

You deserved it 16 510

By That Guy - 01/11/2014 12:58 - United States - Tampa

Today, I realized why the lady I had complimented the night before on Halloween about her amazing one-armed costume, looked so hurt. She is literally missing an arm. I'm an asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 617

You deserved it 14 242

By Anonymous - 31/10/2009 23:37 - United States

Today, it was Halloween, and I was giving candy to kids. When a group of kids who looked like they were around 4 years old came up to me and said, "Hey mister, do you have one of those things that make it look like you are fat under your shirt?" I didn't have one of those, but I lied and said, "Yes." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 033

You deserved it 6 539

By for fuck sake dad - 02/11/2012 23:50 - Ireland - Limerick

Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my parents. My dad looked at him and said, "Nice outfit, but it's a little late for Halloween." Before I could intervene, my boyfriend said that joke had been done to death, to which my dad retorted, "Yeah, so has your mum." Instant fistfight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 983

You deserved it 3 474

By NoSpirit - 01/11/2012 08:20

Today, in the spirit of Halloween and to get back at a child who repeatedly pressed the doorbell until I showed up, I quickly opened the door and yelled "Boo!" The child ended up being carried away crying with wet pants by a mother threatening to sue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 047

You deserved it 5 257

By Heggs - 31/10/2018 17:30

Today, it's Halloween. I get bullied every day and this was no exception, but this time I got beat up so hard I bled. Everyone thought it was part of my costume. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 030

You deserved it 218

By laughxlove - 23/08/2010 04:03 - United States

Today, I went to see my mother with my kids. Before, I had told my son to give her hugs and kisses and I would buy him candy. He did, but then he told her that I said that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 822

You deserved it 32 986

By ilovekids? - 12/12/2015 02:05 - United States - Commack

Today, while I was working at a supermarket, a kid started to cry in line because he couldn't get candy. Since we have free lollipops behind the desk, I gave him one. His mom complained to my manager and said I was grooming her child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 116

You deserved it 6 009

alpaquette91 9

Tuesday 1 November 2011 8:53

Punch your roommate! Make him/her suffer too!

Mass89 0

Tuesday 1 November 2011 9:43

who else read this FML while doing a russian accent? :D

Comments

papahugsmefunneh 2

Wednesday 2 November 2011 4:58

In soviet Russia there is only tricking and no treating

theroustons 6

Wednesday 2 November 2011 5:32

Wow your roommate sounds like a dick and welcome to America :)

mtaylor831 0

Wednesday 2 November 2011 5:54

I had that happen to me when I was in Ukraine but he told me to say "I'm a dirty ****" to a 40 year old man.. I feel your pain

je_suis_fml 11

Wednesday 2 November 2011 6:13

So, will everyone pose as a Russian to prove a point about OP's comprehension? Sheesh, is it even safe to state that it's possible that people understand things differently? "Even" in America throughout the different coasts (i.e. west, east, south, & north) there are different dialects, intonation, catchphrases, etc., which could portray a different tone/meaning of a variety of things said & done. Shit, what I'm saying is not all things said will be understood the same just because a few people are from the same ******* country. A country! Yea... I think that's what I'm saying.

UndeRgroUnd206 4

Wednesday 2 November 2011 6:38

Is it bad I read that fml all in a Russian accent?

bobbyc7 0

Wednesday 2 November 2011 7:21

In all fairness, by the way you write makes it seem like you have a pretty good grasp on the english language. IMO, you should at least have the common sense to figure out what that meant. Just sayin'

Scattertom 12

Wednesday 2 November 2011 16:37

The FML moderators fix any grammar errors ಠ_ಠ

_words_of_wisdom 4

Thursday 3 November 2011 1:56

#124 thats not true, you are obviously ignorant when it comes to languages and cultures (i dont mean this as an insult). i am learning german (Ich lerne Deutsch) and i gotta say im pretty damn good at it so far but just because im good at the language doesnt mean that i would know their customs or their culture. for example, if it wasnt for Inglourious Basterds i wouldnt know that in Germany they use their thumb when they signal the number three. you could say "you are pretty good a speaking German, you should know that that's how they show the #3 or that they don't switch hands after cutting up a steak" my point being, just because he has a good grasp of the language doesnt mean he should know our culture or our customs.

IPoopedOnU 12

Wednesday 2 November 2011 12:49

Sorry but that means your too ugly for anyone but your parents to love you

NE0NDRAG0N 0

Wednesday 2 November 2011 20:47

I sense a soviet russia joke...

RKD 23

Wednesday 2 November 2011 20:51

ya doomieyou eta horrosho govoreet!

dansco 24

Thursday 3 November 2011 2:09

funny but totally not nice! Make sure you get them back! Post their number on a S&M website or their photo on Craigslist asking for ugly fat men pics ;)