Kids: Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made...

By offbeans - 17/02/2009 02:29 - United States

Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 267 516

You deserved it 90 903

Chinese New Year: Dragons and Laughter
Celebrate with stories where tradition and humor meet for a colorful Chinese New Year. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Sorry dude

By EatYourGreens - 21/08/2021 06:01 - Australia - Augustine Heights

Today, my four year-old very loudly asked me if the little person she saw at the shops was like that because he didn't eat his vegetables. He definitely heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 867

You deserved it 149

By Anonymous - 24/11/2012 13:59 - United States

Today, I was playing with my four year-old cousin. He had a toy whale and said, "Shark!" I corrected him and told him it was a whale. He picked it up, threw it at my face, and yelled, "SHAAARK!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 471

You deserved it 7 855

By smashed - 24/09/2012 14:33 - United States

Today, I bought my nephew some giant green Incredible Hulk fists for his birthday. He thanked me by Hulk-smashing me in the nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 009

You deserved it 6 401

By vballqt201 - 21/06/2009 16:03 - United States

Today, I was asking my one year old nephew what noises certain animals make. I decided to trick him and ask him what sound I make. He immediately says, "MOOOO". FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 393

You deserved it 17 287

By UngratefulBrat - 28/12/2012 07:03 - United States - New York

Today, my 6-year-old nephew opened his Christmas gift. The first words out of his mouth were, "This is cheap." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 672

You deserved it 6 842

By WickedRene - 02/08/2014 01:57 - United States - Rochester

Today, I was watching my 3 year old brother. He asked me to get him a cookie and I said, "What's the magic word?" He looked at me angrily and said "Bitch, please." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 947

You deserved it 8 227

By blah blah daddy - 02/10/2010 23:08 - United States

Today, I picked up my four year old son from daycare. As I was putting him in his car seat, I asked him if he had fun. He yelled, "Shut it, bitch!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 429

You deserved it 10 379

By AuntPeePee - 20/05/2013 11:57 - United States

Today, I berated my five-year-old nephew for peeing on the floor. His mom bitched me out for expecting "a little boy to have perfect aim." That's funny, it looked pretty good when he dropped his pants, looked me in the eyes, and started to piss on my rug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 464

You deserved it 3 564

By parentfail - 11/12/2010 14:44 - United Kingdom

Today, without even trying, I convinced my 17-year-old daughter that blueberries are just peas holding their breath. I have raised a complete airhead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 478

You deserved it 70 765

Close quarters

By aunty_social - This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Today, I took my 5-year-old nephew camping. I was about to take him to the outhouse for a bathroom break when he flung the door of the camper open and shouted at the top of his lungs to the entire campground, "We are going to poop now!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 634

You deserved it 462

sharsharbinks 0

Tuesday 17 February 2009 10:41

I love this one! I laughed so hard!

killer_corn 0

Tuesday 17 February 2009 11:09

I don't take crap from kids. I would of destroyed the Green ones.

Comments

exciting_fml 0

Tuesday 17 February 2009 16:12

...WOW. hilarious.

Onlyme_fml 0

Tuesday 17 February 2009 18:37

Hilarous. That would be followed up with a real good spanking.

arms_akimbo 0

Tuesday 17 February 2009 19:05

HAHA! Greatest 5 yr old in existence.

gabby99spice 0

Wednesday 18 February 2009 0:17

SO FUNNY!

forkmylife9 0

Wednesday 18 February 2009 0:48

That's when you look him straight in the eyes and say "Well you're adopted and your parents don't even love you"

notime2wait 0

Tuesday 17 November 2009 18:04

Aha that would be hilarious! =)

kiss_of_death 0

Thursday 4 March 2010 3:40

i remember when i used to do that lol

KarismaSolitair 11

Wednesday 21 September 2011 5:10

I used to tell my little sister she was adopted. My mom would reply to me saying, "You came with a tail when we adopted you."

captcool024 0

Wednesday 18 February 2009 3:43

haha.. thats too funny

crazycar 0

Wednesday 18 February 2009 5:27

you're so nice. my son tries that stuff and gets punched in the chest or the head. lucky for him i wasnt there.

kykyshay 0

Friday 18 March 2011 1:07

I have the same glasses I got at John incredibles! nice glasses! :)

yayme 0

Wednesday 18 February 2009 6:15

HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I wanna by that kid a beer haha thats fckn awsome!!!!!!

cmbrunelle 0

Wednesday 18 February 2009 16:55

That was RIDICULOUSLY funny!

alwaysalady 0

Wednesday 18 February 2009 22:29

Kids have BIG ears. He probably doesn't know what it means, but you should still explain that it's a very bad thing to say, and that you're writing a letter to Santa about the incident.