Kids: Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made...

By offbeans - 17/02/2009 02:29 - United States

Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 267 503

You deserved it 90 898

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Same thing different taste

Sorry dude

By EatYourGreens - 21/08/2021 06:01 - Australia - Augustine Heights

Today, my four year-old very loudly asked me if the little person she saw at the shops was like that because he didn't eat his vegetables. He definitely heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 866

You deserved it 149

By Anonymous - 24/11/2012 13:59 - United States

Today, I was playing with my four year-old cousin. He had a toy whale and said, "Shark!" I corrected him and told him it was a whale. He picked it up, threw it at my face, and yelled, "SHAAARK!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 470

You deserved it 7 855

By smashed - 24/09/2012 14:33 - United States

Today, I bought my nephew some giant green Incredible Hulk fists for his birthday. He thanked me by Hulk-smashing me in the nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 005

You deserved it 6 401

By vballqt201 - 21/06/2009 16:03 - United States

Today, I was asking my one year old nephew what noises certain animals make. I decided to trick him and ask him what sound I make. He immediately says, "MOOOO". FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 391

You deserved it 17 285

By UngratefulBrat - 28/12/2012 07:03 - United States - New York

Today, my 6-year-old nephew opened his Christmas gift. The first words out of his mouth were, "This is cheap." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 664

You deserved it 6 842

By WickedRene - 02/08/2014 01:57 - United States - Rochester

Today, I was watching my 3 year old brother. He asked me to get him a cookie and I said, "What's the magic word?" He looked at me angrily and said "Bitch, please." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 942

You deserved it 8 226

By blah blah daddy - 02/10/2010 23:08 - United States

Today, I picked up my four year old son from daycare. As I was putting him in his car seat, I asked him if he had fun. He yelled, "Shut it, bitch!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 426

You deserved it 10 379

By AuntPeePee - 20/05/2013 11:57 - United States

Today, I berated my five-year-old nephew for peeing on the floor. His mom bitched me out for expecting "a little boy to have perfect aim." That's funny, it looked pretty good when he dropped his pants, looked me in the eyes, and started to piss on my rug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 459

You deserved it 3 563

By parentfail - 11/12/2010 14:44 - United Kingdom

Today, without even trying, I convinced my 17-year-old daughter that blueberries are just peas holding their breath. I have raised a complete airhead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 478

You deserved it 70 761

Close quarters

By aunty_social - This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Today, I took my 5-year-old nephew camping. I was about to take him to the outhouse for a bathroom break when he flung the door of the camper open and shouted at the top of his lungs to the entire campground, "We are going to poop now!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 631

You deserved it 460

sharsharbinks 0

Tuesday 17 February 2009 10:41

I love this one! I laughed so hard!

killer_corn 0

Tuesday 17 February 2009 11:09

I don't take crap from kids. I would of destroyed the Green ones.

Comments

Kazuya_fml 14

Friday 22 July 2011 7:39

Someone needs to potty train his potty mouth.

loserman67 35

Tuesday 26 July 2011 22:42

I think that kid need a blue backhand across his mouth!

UnicornWhale 2

Wednesday 27 July 2011 5:07

ROFL. I highly doubt a kid would say that, but whatever. Take the playdough away from him until he promises never to talk like that.

Boss212ification 2

Sunday 31 July 2011 4:23

Couldn't agree more.

cali4eva 12

Saturday 6 August 2011 23:25

I didn't learn the f word until 4th grade

Black_Letter 19

Tuesday 9 August 2011 20:09

This is the best FML I've ever read.

corlark 5

Wednesday 10 August 2011 10:01

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

pookums9 7

Friday 12 August 2011 10:54

My favorite FML, hands down.

Lintu_26 23

Saturday 13 August 2011 22:07

Hahaha my god...this.is.gold! XD

1966mustanggt350 4

Sunday 14 August 2011 3:33

hahaha. my fav FML post

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The Top

Today, after about a year of keeping it a secret from my girlfriend, I told her about my foot fetish. She said "EWWWWWWWW!" and left. She's ignoring my calls and has changed her relationship status to single on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 573

You deserved it 6 604

Today, I learned that I actually like my boiled eggs a bit softer than I usually make them. I also learned that an outwardly lukewarm egg, when bitten into enthusiastically, is perfectly capable of creating a volcanic eruption of boiling hot yolk all over your hands, clothes and kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 645

You deserved it 413

The Top

Today, I went to the ER for an asthma attack. I left with a UTI and an elevated heart rate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 131

You deserved it 604

Today, my best friend resolved things with her boyfriend after he had admitted to cheating on her. I felt really guilty, because I drunkenly hooked up with her boyfriend last month. She said, "I felt better when he told me that the girl was extremely ugly and bad in bed." FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 969

You deserved it 112 609

Today, a guy in the library came up to me and said, "You look very unproductive. Just watching you makes me depressed." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 954

You deserved it 4 789

Today, for the second week in a row, I woke up to the sound of my awful upstairs neighbors having sex between the hours of 1 and 3 AM. Their bed is so noisy, and earplugs barely help. At this point, based on the rhythm of their bed squeaking, I can tell when they're about to finish, and I hate it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 689

You deserved it 167

Today, I was horseback riding. Somebody yelled something behind me, so I turned around. Next thing I know, I am on the ground and my head is killing me. It turns out I ran into a tree branch. The person behind me simply said, "Watch out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 417

You deserved it 64

Today, I was watching Free Willy with my boyfriend. It was at the part where the boy leaned into the water to give Willy a hug. I asked, "How do you even hug a whale?" My boyfriend rolled over and gave me a hug, and said, "Like this." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 825

You deserved it 14 477

Same thing different taste

Sorry dude

Close quarters

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