Kids: Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made...

By offbeans - 17/02/2009 02:29 - United States

Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 267 503

You deserved it 90 898

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Same thing different taste

Sorry dude

By EatYourGreens - 21/08/2021 06:01 - Australia - Augustine Heights

Today, my four year-old very loudly asked me if the little person she saw at the shops was like that because he didn't eat his vegetables. He definitely heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 866

You deserved it 149

By Anonymous - 24/11/2012 13:59 - United States

Today, I was playing with my four year-old cousin. He had a toy whale and said, "Shark!" I corrected him and told him it was a whale. He picked it up, threw it at my face, and yelled, "SHAAARK!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 470

You deserved it 7 855

By smashed - 24/09/2012 14:33 - United States

Today, I bought my nephew some giant green Incredible Hulk fists for his birthday. He thanked me by Hulk-smashing me in the nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 005

You deserved it 6 401

By vballqt201 - 21/06/2009 16:03 - United States

Today, I was asking my one year old nephew what noises certain animals make. I decided to trick him and ask him what sound I make. He immediately says, "MOOOO". FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 391

You deserved it 17 285

By UngratefulBrat - 28/12/2012 07:03 - United States - New York

Today, my 6-year-old nephew opened his Christmas gift. The first words out of his mouth were, "This is cheap." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 664

You deserved it 6 842

By WickedRene - 02/08/2014 01:57 - United States - Rochester

Today, I was watching my 3 year old brother. He asked me to get him a cookie and I said, "What's the magic word?" He looked at me angrily and said "Bitch, please." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 942

You deserved it 8 226

By blah blah daddy - 02/10/2010 23:08 - United States

Today, I picked up my four year old son from daycare. As I was putting him in his car seat, I asked him if he had fun. He yelled, "Shut it, bitch!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 426

You deserved it 10 379

By AuntPeePee - 20/05/2013 11:57 - United States

Today, I berated my five-year-old nephew for peeing on the floor. His mom bitched me out for expecting "a little boy to have perfect aim." That's funny, it looked pretty good when he dropped his pants, looked me in the eyes, and started to piss on my rug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 459

You deserved it 3 563

By parentfail - 11/12/2010 14:44 - United Kingdom

Today, without even trying, I convinced my 17-year-old daughter that blueberries are just peas holding their breath. I have raised a complete airhead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 478

You deserved it 70 761

Close quarters

By aunty_social - This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Today, I took my 5-year-old nephew camping. I was about to take him to the outhouse for a bathroom break when he flung the door of the camper open and shouted at the top of his lungs to the entire campground, "We are going to poop now!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 631

You deserved it 460

sharsharbinks 0

Tuesday 17 February 2009 10:41

I love this one! I laughed so hard!

killer_corn 0

Tuesday 17 February 2009 11:09

I don't take crap from kids. I would of destroyed the Green ones.

Comments

smart_stupid 4

Sunday 14 August 2011 6:32

Nephew: 1 OP: 0

maxowaxo 11

Monday 15 August 2011 22:15

the young corruption that goes on these days...

AnthonyN 5

Tuesday 16 August 2011 21:18

You got the concept from the fml YouTube video... Troll

Blueking 7

Wednesday 17 August 2011 20:46

I agree with the kid, do not spoil artistic integrity

assim 7

Tuesday 23 August 2011 4:24

now that would have earned my nephew a kick in is ass

SummerFever 8

Tuesday 23 August 2011 7:43

On tonight's episode of 'Kids Say the Darndest Things'...

Nicole_Masti 1

Wednesday 24 August 2011 23:18

LMFAO!!!

thefreak781 0

Thursday 25 August 2011 17:27

That kid wins

MamiiSmilez 6

Thursday 25 August 2011 22:47

Lol; i wanna meet this kidd. This is goin on my favez(:

Shellster 10

Friday 26 August 2011 20:39

This kid is going to be a rock star when he gets older lol

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USA, USA, USA; well, almost. Today we're not welcoming a French artist, not even an American artist, but an artist from... oh, you'll see! Are you in a hurry or something? Why can't we just sit down, have a nice cup of tea and talk about the future? ...

I agree, your life sucks 10

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Today, my girlfriend and I were making love. Her phone rang, and she stopped to answer it. It was her ex-boyfriend, calling her from jail. She talked to him for 15 minutes. To top it all off, before she hung up, I heard her tell him she loved him, and couldn't wait for him to get out. FML

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Today, a classmate wished me a “Happy Cinco De Mayo” and bought me a Mexican sombrero to wear, and little paper Mexican flags to wave around. I’m Venezuelan. FML

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Today, at work, I was forced to listen to the Dolly Parton and Kenny Rogers Christmas album on repeat for 8 hours. FML

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Today, I tried to overcome my shyness by warmly greeting the bus driver while entering it. I instead blurted out really loudly the words of the song my iPod was playing. FML

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You deserved it 7 193

Today, I tried turning on my boyfriend by sending him naughty pictures and texts, describing in detail all the things I was going to do to him when we have the house to ourselves this weekend. He responded by quoting that crappy movie 'The Room', saying, "Oh hi doggie!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 564

You deserved it 6 798

Today, I was complimented on how big my penis was. I was complimented by the guy peeing next to me in the men's restroom at McDonald's. FML

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Today, I realized I don't know anything about driving if the instructor isn't sitting beside me. I realized it two minutes into my driving test, which I failed miserably. FML

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You deserved it 887

Same thing different taste

Sorry dude

Close quarters

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