Intimacy: Today, my boyfriend and I were looking for our bubblegum flavored...

By LiLGeek - 12/01/2009 15:37 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were looking for our bubblegum flavored "numbing" lotion to have some morning fun. We couldnt find it anywhere. After about 10 minutes, my little nephew comes from my room crying and drool coming out of his mouth. He smelt like bubblegum, his mouth and tongue were all numb. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 638

You deserved it 9 206

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Same thing different taste

Jammed

By me - 05/01/2010 16:22 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate for the first time. He was sucking on my boob, everything was going good. He suddenly stopped and started choking really bad. He thought milk was coming out. Turns out, it was just his gum. The moment was ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 455

You deserved it 3 761

By Anonymous - 18/02/2013 19:11 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was about to make out with my boyfriend, so I quickly swallowed my gum. Moments later, I started choking on the gum, and ended up spitting it out into his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 092

You deserved it 40 037

Saucy

By ouchhhh - 20/07/2018 05:00

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try something new in bed. He blindfolded me and I felt something cold on my lady parts. 5 seconds later it started burning so I looked. He decided to use toothpaste because he couldn't find chocolate sauce to lick off. It hurts to pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 585

You deserved it 628

By skiittlez713 - 20/05/2011 08:40 - United States

Today, my boyfriend refused to go down on me because I smelled of baby lotion and it made him feel like a child molester. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 307

You deserved it 16 568

Sharing is caring

By Joseph - 27/02/2016 02:52 - United States - El Paso

Today, my nephew gave me a piece of gum. He's not one to share, so I was rather shocked at his kindness. After a while chewing, he admitted he gave it to me because the pack was in his pocket when he peed his pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 297

You deserved it 1 897

Bernie

By Anonymous - 27/11/2017 06:00

Today, my boyfriend went down on me for the first time. It would have been great, if a mate of his didn't tell him to put Listerine strips in his mouth first "for the tingle." I've been running cold water over my burning genitals for 15 minutes while he laughs at the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 990

You deserved it 622

I've seen enough

By worst uncle ever - 12/11/2022 22:00

Today, my sister and brother in law went on holiday, so my 3 year-old nephew is staying with me while they’re gone. He walked in on me and my boyfriend while he was eating me out. It’s been an hour and he won’t stop crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 391

You deserved it 1 549

By Justmyluck - 15/11/2017 06:00

Today, after sex, my boyfriend turned to me and said, “I need to check something down there.” I asked what but he just smiled and showed me the piece of gum he was chewing. He took a look and left to get the scissors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 946

You deserved it 875

By Porkchop05 - 06/09/2009 05:44 - Canada

Today, trying to be sexy I was sucking on my boyfriends fingers. I was really starting to turn him on, when I noticed something crunchy in my mouth. Turns out, he went digging for treasure up his nose earlier. I found the treasure in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 006

You deserved it 14 736

Mood ruiner

By Skittles - 13/08/2017 20:00

Today, while my husband and I were having sex, we were trying this strawberry flavored lube which had a very strong candy smell. My husband starts laughing mid-performance, looks me in the eye, and exclaims "F*CK THE RAINBOW, TASTE THE RAINBOW!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 844

You deserved it 1 300

Timmytwofinger 0

Thursday 5 February 2009 3:22

how the **** are you supposed to have fun with numbing lotion? thats like non-alcoholic beer.

ALQ_fml 13

Tuesday 17 February 2009 1:47

Numbing lube is bad. You tear something, and you won't be able to feel it until later. Pain is a signal to your brain to let you know if you need to change what you're doing. Also, how'd your nephew get it?

Comments

Timmytwofinger 0

Thursday 5 February 2009 3:22

how the **** are you supposed to have fun with numbing lotion? thats like non-alcoholic beer.

cparrenas 3

Thursday 15 April 2010 9:46

it's supposed to make the dude last longer or some shizt

shanemaximo 7

Monday 6 February 2012 23:19

Damn. That seems like it would kinda defeat the purpose.

ALQ_fml 13

Tuesday 17 February 2009 1:47

KhaleesiKitten 14

Saturday 15 August 2015 0:33

It's more for relaxing the gag reflex when giving head. trust me I know, I have a really bad gag reflex.

elfknight 0

Monday 2 March 2009 8:47

Sorry, that's not F***ed up, it's just funny.

djskype 0

Monday 2 March 2009 11:21

who was going to watch the kid while you two were going at it?

Wileypube 0

Thursday 12 March 2009 18:45

Why would a lube be flavored AND numbing? I could understand scented and numbing, but otherwise you're asking for this very situation. I was going to call BS until I found hundreds of flavored, numbing lubes on Amazon.com alone. Wtf?

sovietkiwi 0

Thursday 18 August 2011 3:33

Lol

sovietkiwi 0

Thursday 18 August 2011 3:33

Lol

DeadPixel4 29

Thursday 7 August 2014 6:01

They even sell flavoured soap.

KK3137 31

Monday 28 September 2015 17:56

Flavoured so the head-giver's gagging reflex is relaxed and they have a good taste in their mouth..

Raceta 5

Saturday 14 March 2009 10:44

Flavoured and numbing is heaps weird! lol

pdoom 0

Monday 16 March 2009 0:59

More like F HIS L

kloklo_fml 0

Saturday 21 March 2009 6:21

thats not even bad its not like he knows what it is... and if u lie to him everything is better so adults dont find out... u ******* brat this is not a topic of disaster