Intimacy: Today, my boyfriend excitedly showed me his new juicer, and used... - FML

By Juiced - 26/09/2012 18:46 - United States - Denver

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend excitedly showed me his new juicer, and used up all the fruit in the house making new concoctions. It was adorable until later on, in the middle of getting frisky, he asked if we could go to the grocery store to buy more fruit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 528

You deserved it 3 384

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Same thing different taste

WTF dude?

By lunarstrain - 08/11/2011 06:11 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend trying to have sex with a piece of fruit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 142

You deserved it 8 543

Oh, so cute

By Anonymous - 10/04/2013 04:28 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I went to the store to buy oranges and pick up a pack of condoms. When we were at the checkout counter, my boyfriend happily told the cashier, "The only way we can have sex is if we squeeze oranges all over our bodies." FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 968

You deserved it 13 222

By Pissedoff777 - 12/08/2011 05:33 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend found out that if guys eat fruit often, their sperm will taste better. He bought a can of fruit for himself to eat, and said that he bought it just for me. This is the most romantic thing he's ever done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 398

You deserved it 7 885

Good one

By Anonymous - 16/12/2012 00:06 - United Kingdom - London

Today, on the way out to buy groceries, my boyfriend asked if I'd like him to buy some of my favourite flowers. Happy with his rare show of affection, I said yes. When he returned, he gave me a bag of our usual brand of flour and laughed hysterically in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 303

You deserved it 4 390

By Anonymous - 15/02/2014 22:44 - United States - Carlisle

Spicy

Today, I told my husband how frisky I was feeling, and asked him what he was going to do about it. He reached into our fruit bowl, tossed me a banana and told me to work it out, then returned to his video game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 809

You deserved it 8 832

By Lucachoo - 26/07/2015 00:22 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he wanted to go on a date with me tomorrow. His reaction was to pick up a banana and pretend that he was in the middle of a phone call. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 377

You deserved it 2 649

By Anonymous - 20/09/2009 12:00 - Australia

Today, I was at a party with my boyfriend meeting all of his friends for the first time. My boyfriend went into the kitchen to get me a drink, and after ten minutes I went looking for him. I discovered his friend holding two melons to his chest, mid explanation on how they look exactly like mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 080

You deserved it 6 600

By Anonymous - 02/09/2012 13:38 - United States - Baltimore

Today, I was showing my boyfriend some stuff I bought that day: a new thong and a bag of his favorite brand of peanuts. He was more excited about the peanuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 312

You deserved it 5 136

Bad timing

By oh no - 29/01/2013 14:51 - Canada - Montreal

Today, I went to the grocery store with my boyfriend. I wasn't feeling well so I wasn't paying too much attention to his usual antics. Since he thought I was ignoring him, he decided to grab me roughly by the stomach to give me a hug. I ended up puking right in the middle of the aisle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 494

You deserved it 3 465

Say yes

By fuckingdonuts - 18/05/2015 02:54 - United States - Edmond

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend stopped in the middle of sex to ask if I wanted to get donuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 065

You deserved it 5 184

Next

Top comments

redhedsaysrawr 18

Thursday 27 September 2012 0:09

Your love life sounds like something from a TV show...

DomDomxoxo 16

Thursday 27 September 2012 0:10

Maybe he wants to eat it off your lady-parts (:

Comments

max_attack_4 0

Sunday 18 November 2012 1:12

Just saying, your boyfriend sounds adorable.

rebamoo 14

Monday 27 July 2015 7:20

That's so endearing :)

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The Top

Today, I discovered that my boyfriend, the father of my kids, had been practically begging women to sleep with him throughout the duration of both pregnancies, and has also spent hundreds of dollars on OnlyFans every month. He promised to permanently delete OnlyFans three times and still hasn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 544

You deserved it 583

Today, I finally got my paycheck from working at my minimum wage job for the last three months. I was delighted when I saw it was worth $846. On my way to cash it, I destroyed my car's suspension. It's going to cost almost $800 to fix. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 981

You deserved it 6 718

The Top

Today my boss gathered us to discuss about empowerment, accountability and Objectives and Key Results. My colleague set her OKRs as, “to empower others to do my work for me.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 736

You deserved it 125

Today, my boyfriend had a bad dream that a horse was biting his fingers off. He punched the horse in the neck, and in real life punched me in the spine. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 305

You deserved it 4 082

Today, and since yesterday, I've received numerous tearful, and sometimes angry, phone calls from my mom. The calls were not about her health issues, my kids, or even my dad losing his job. No, she was angry-crying about the FBI raid at Trump's house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 343

You deserved it 189

Today, I got a call from my mom-in-law saying I have to buy my own food. I took 3 weeks off on unpaid vacation and came out of state to watch my in-laws' house and dog sit while they go out of country. I'm not allowed to touch their food, even the spoiling stuff. My husband doesn't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 756

You deserved it 365

Today, I saw my boyfriend using a washcloth to clean his cock and sweaty balls. He told me he's been doing this for quite some time now. Guess who's been using the same washcloth to clean her face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 576

You deserved it 429

Today, I realized I sent over 2 dozen job applications with my dating profile word doc instead of my resume. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 518

You deserved it 3 634