Animals: Today, my daughter was playing outside. I was watching her from...

By gbabyy - 22/11/2009 03:25 - United States

Today, my daughter was playing outside. I was watching her from the window, and I saw her pick up a dead bird. I ran outside to grab her. As I picked her up and started scolding her, she tried to scratch my face. In the attempt, her hand went straight into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 747

You deserved it 6 902

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Same thing different taste

By Oily - 16/12/2011 09:08 - New Zealand

Today, my 7-year-old daughter came up to me in a noisy mall and said "boo-boo" pointing to her hand. Not paying enough attention, I kissed her hand to make her feel better. She grimaced and said "No dad, bird poo." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 223

You deserved it 14 448

By jazz - 22/01/2010 08:11 - France

Today, I was holding hands with my daughter and she wanted to skip. When I went to skip I accidentally kneed her in the face. Everyone saw her holding her busted lip and pointing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 294

You deserved it 5 757

Apex predator

By Ihatestraycats - 22/07/2023 12:00

Today, after we finished making my 6 year-old daughter a net to catch an injured baby bird, when she went out to catch it she witnessed a stray cat catch and eat it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 662

You deserved it 158

By Username - 06/11/2010 05:18 - France

Today, I was playing with my four month old daughter, flying her in the air like an airplane. I open my mouth saying 'Weeee', and she vomited on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 648

You deserved it 15 737

Sorry sweetie

By ddhaley1 - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Edmond

Today, instead of kissing my child's boo-boo on her finger to make it feel better, I accidentally headbutted her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 803

You deserved it 3 321

Hair-raising

By what the fuck????? - 17/02/2022 16:01 - United States - Denver

Today, while at a restaurant, I watched in horror as my daughter picked a hair out of her food and continued eating it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 681

You deserved it 266

By KnuckleSandwich - 20/07/2009 19:10 - United States

Today, I received a medical bill because my daughter thought it would be hilarious to try and fit her fist in her mouth. She succeeded in getting it in, but not in getting it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 663

You deserved it 3 753

5-star meal

By storyofmylife - 15/03/2009 02:27 - United States

Today, while I was babysitting, the toddler was feeding me banana slices from her tray while I was cutting up clay for her to mold. It was all fine until she shoved something hard and crunchy into my mouth. I immediately spat it out into my hand. It was a dead cricket she found on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 644

You deserved it 10 789

By AnHoneyMouse - 12/05/2017 02:00

Today, while I was cooking, my dogs were messing around behind me. I suddenly felt a painful bite on my ass cheek and instinctively kicked back. I then realized it was my 3-year-old daughter, who was laying on the floor crying with a nose bleed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 126

You deserved it 1 410

By Anonymous - 27/06/2014 20:22 - Spain - Valencia

Today, I was driving my 7-year-old daughter to school, when out of nowhere a bird smashed into the windshield. Instead of screaming or being traumatized by the gore like me, my daughter started laughing, eventually calling the bird a "stupid bastard". FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 297

You deserved it 9 389

Quietcannon 0

Sunday 22 November 2009 9:27

She tried to scratch your face? How is she that bad with her behavior already?! She needs to be spanked.

Mudley 0

Sunday 22 November 2009 15:29

When you say "daughter," you mean "cat" right? That would make a lot more sense, in multiple places.

Comments

letschat6 5

Thursday 14 October 2010 12:14

Yes!

Keyrae2013 0

Thursday 23 December 2010 14:18

Wow , your blown . But you should handle the fact that your child attacks you when you try to scold her .

Deitz123 2

Wednesday 10 August 2011 21:11

Beat the daylights out if her!

jennifernorvell 7

Thursday 14 June 2012 5:27

Ur kid is psycho

jennifernorvell 7

Monday 24 September 2012 4:46

Your kid tried to scratch u? Sounds like she needs a spanking. Wtf

amadisdemitrius 5

Thursday 11 April 2013 0:24

Yes discipline is important, but what I'm seeing from all the comments (which have many thumbs up) is everyone quickly saying how the kid should be spanked or harshly dealt with. You know what I noticed? That this mother went to go "scold" her daughter for being a kid and playing with a dead bird. Sounds like an agro mom to me. Kids will be kids, quite scolding them for it. Maybe if you werent such a spaz your kid wouldnt try to scratch your face.