Gross and Kids: 5-star meal

5-star meal

By storyofmylife - 15/03/2009 02:27 - United States

Today, while I was babysitting, the toddler was feeding me banana slices from her tray while I was cutting up clay for her to mold. It was all fine until she shoved something hard and crunchy into my mouth. I immediately spat it out into my hand. It was a dead cricket she found on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 644

You deserved it 10 789

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Same thing different taste

By gbabyy - 22/11/2009 03:25 - United States

Today, my daughter was playing outside. I was watching her from the window, and I saw her pick up a dead bird. I ran outside to grab her. As I picked her up and started scolding her, she tried to scratch my face. In the attempt, her hand went straight into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 747

You deserved it 6 903

By JustLeaveThem - 25/01/2017 18:00

Today, I was reaching into the floor vent in my toddler's room to retrieve some toys she'd dropped. What I found instead was a clump of large dead spiders. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 737

You deserved it 292

By lizzard0416 - 30/11/2012 03:00 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I was going to give my baby daughter an empty Pringles tin to play with on the floor. I saw some crumbs at the bottom, so I emptied the can in my mouth before I gave it to her. I crunched hard and spat them out, realizing my boyfriend had just cut his toenails into the can. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 978

You deserved it 9 991

Masterchef 2020

By Anonymous - 26/11/2020 18:58 - United States - Maryville

Today, I was eating some cake that my roommate's girlfriend brought by for us. I felt something weird in my mouth, so I stopped chewing to grab it. It was a fingernail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 980

You deserved it 66

By Anonymous - 07/02/2014 18:51 - Mayotte - Mamoudzou

Today, I found a roach in my takeaway. I found it after I felt something hard in my mouth and spat pieces of it back out onto my plate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 285

You deserved it 3 662

By Anonymous - 27/02/2010 06:36 - United States

Today, I was babysitting to make a few extra dollars. While changing one of the kid's diapers, I turned around to find the other kid gone. I turned back around frantically, only to get poop flung at my face. I guess I found him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 609

You deserved it 3 176

By whattabrat - 26/02/2012 05:16 - Canada

Today, I was babysitting. Everything was going well until the kid called 911 on me for making him eat his vegetables. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 082

You deserved it 3 297

By laxie - 27/10/2009 00:42 - United States

Today, my three-year-old decided to dump the entire contents of her cereal box onto the kitchen floor because she was looking for a "prize." The only prize we found was a huge dead cockroach, which she promptly stuck in her mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 209

You deserved it 3 908

Cocobananas

By Anonymous - 13/07/2021 02:01

Today, I found a banana peel on the clean floor. My 4-year-old son said that he was playing Spider-Man and trying to slip. I picked it up and while walking to the kitchen garbage can, slipped on the actual banana. I slid across the kitchen floor, fell, and bruised my tailbone. He laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 961

You deserved it 177

Catch!

By babybreath - 03/06/2009 02:08 - United States

Today, I was babysitting my baby cousin. I was lying on my back playing with her, while holding her up in the air. As I was doing that, I made cooing noises and funny faces to get her to laugh. She laughed and threw up in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 106

You deserved it 10 193

Tomfish3000 0

Sunday 15 March 2009 12:05

That is absolutely disgusting. Eugh, I feel for you.

ninjaxprincess89 0

Sunday 15 March 2009 14:33

and i wouldve gotten arrested cuz that baby wouldve been slapped

Comments

Tomfish3000 0

Sunday 15 March 2009 12:05

That is absolutely disgusting. Eugh, I feel for you.

RyGan 0

Tuesday 25 May 2010 18:25

Did you jump ? ( im horrible at puns )

lovelylittleme 0

Friday 1 July 2011 7:57

Why was SHE feeding YOU?

glutgyoogle 6

Friday 22 July 2011 5:23

That is why the babysitter feeds the child. Not the other way around....

ima_krackerr 0

Sunday 15 March 2009 12:12

ewwwwwww... wow that's nasty. I'm sorry

ulliellax 0

Sunday 15 March 2009 12:15

LOL and thats why you should always look at what you eat before eating it... but eww thats nasty, a cricket :X

livinthefridge13 1

Monday 13 June 2011 5:36

No it was shoved in her mouth. hehe...

Nap_fml 0

Sunday 15 March 2009 13:00

crickets are just about the healthiest (and according to some, most tasty) bugs there are.

Chocolate_Chunk 2

Friday 21 May 2010 15:09

That's like saying "cat ***** are just about the healthiest (and according to some, most tasty) ***** there are"

xoxo56836757xoxo 0

Monday 24 May 2010 6:56

ahaha truee

lilflake 0

Sunday 26 September 2010 19:07

how would u know that did u try it

Link5794 18

Tuesday 28 August 2012 18:46

Insects have chitinous exoskeletons,crab have chitinous exoskeletons, crabs are delicious, therefore insects are delicious.

Tehalon 0

Sunday 15 March 2009 13:28

You shouldnt spit out your food! They would commit murder in Africa for a nice dead cricket! :P

kimora_fml 0

Sunday 15 March 2009 13:29

atleast it wasnt a roach? but its still disgusting!!!!

plethora 3

Sunday 15 March 2009 13:45

#4, yes, but you don't eat something picked up off the floor having been dead for an indeterminate amount of time, no matter the nutritional content.

cprompt 0

Sunday 15 March 2009 13:51

All we know is that the cricket was dead after it was removed from your mouth. We can't be certain it was dead when it was placed into your mouth.

whatsarahsaid 0

Sunday 15 March 2009 14:31

Oh, God, I got the heeby jeebies after reading this.

ninjaxprincess89 0

Sunday 15 March 2009 14:33

and i wouldve gotten arrested cuz that baby wouldve been slapped

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I agree, your life sucks 2 134

You deserved it 348

Today, are you excited for Christmas? Because I'm sure not. When I was 14, my dad got hit by a car on Christmas. At 15, my dog died. When I was 16, I got not presents. When I was 17, the Christmas tree was stolen. I wonder what's next… FML

I agree, your life sucks 481

You deserved it 97

The Top

Today, I was talking dirty with my husband over the phone while he was out of town. I started to verbally act out his fantasy and got quite into it. I was returned with silence. Embarrassed, I tried to hang up. Turns out the call had already been dropped, five minutes prior. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 979

You deserved it 7 874

Today, my mom sold my watch collection on Vinted. I've spent over 15 years on the collection and I don't even live with my mom. I'm still wondering how she got in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 087

You deserved it 139

Today, I figured out why the man I've been seeing for 3 years hasn't asked for my hand in marriage. His current wife called me and told me all about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 081

You deserved it 4 124

Today, I'm studying abroad in Japan. For the first time, I had to ride the train home from school alone. My host sister told me which train and the time it left. I sat down on the train, feeling proud of myself when I realized she didn't tell me what stop was ours, and I barely speak Japanese. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 263

You deserved it 1 713

Today, I was doing stand-up comedy at open mic. The guy I like started laughing, but before I hit my punch line. Apparently, when I was speaking, I was occasionally spitting, and in the very bright light it was easy to see my spit hitting people in the face. They kept a tally. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 989

You deserved it 6 699

Today, I keep getting ghosted on every platform. People seem interested until they see my face, and vanish. What gives? I'm plain but not unattractive, nor heavy or blemished. Just average. Boring average. FML

I agree, your life sucks 490

You deserved it 140