By JasonThorn - 17/12/2016 13:21
I agree, your life sucks
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OP here. I am glad that a lot of people understood that it had been meant as a gift with no strings attached, only to have then attached later as a reward for performance. My dad never specified, "This is what you get for doing well." It was, "I had a great day and I want to share it with everyone." The truth is, if he had said he was disappointed in me but felt I should keep the $50 and hoped I would do all I can to improve, I would have respected him and listened to him. It's not about the money. It could have been $5 and I would have reacted the same way. I now understand that gifts are conditional and I have to continually earn every favorable reaction from him, on the off chance he intends to give one.
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Id understand if it was because he said it was for good grades and realised he was wrong. But from what I'm reading that wasnt why, so fyl. Maybe he shoulda just gave your sister more :P
Well love isn't conditional giving someone money isn't an act of love. How ever he works very hard for his family to have what they have and the easy breaks they have, and you show him appreciation to all he has sacrificed for his family and you, by saying **** all to your education and future who wants to reward that? I mean this is bonus money from hard work who wants to break off a piece to someone that hasn't?
We don't know that OP's grades are due to not working hard. It's possible the grades were OP's best effort.
ncparry
18
Sound a bit spoiled to me, I would have done the same. YDI
You must get participation trophies and think you earn them
Why do so many commentators not get it? A reward is something you are given for successfully reaching a goal. Having something you were already given taken away later for unrelated failures is PUNISHMENT. If the dad gave both kids bicycles for Christmas, then immediately took one kids bike away because they didn't clean their room last week, would you all still whine about how OP is spoiled and wasn't entitled to that bike and didn't deserve to be rewarded for not cleaning their room? My family did this shit all the time. Grandma made a big show of giving me and my cousins something, or my mom would give me a nice present in front of other people to make herself look generous, and then immediately find a reason that I didn't deserve it and take it back. Chocolate for valentines day! But you didn't call to wish me a Merry Christmas, you sent a card...give me back the chocolate. Here's that toy you really wanted for Christmas! But you spent your allowance on yourself, instead of donating it to the less fortunate, therefore you are selfish, so I'm donating this toy to charity to teach you a lesson.
cootiequeen4444
11
I don't know why you are being downvoted. It concerns me how many people say they would do the same. Giving mixed messages isn't good parenting. It teaches the child to he mistrusting and unsure of themselves and would not motivate them to do better. The motivation to do well in school shouldn't be about small things like 50 dollars either. OP would have done better with a lecture about how the real world works and how the FUTURE might be regarding OP and his grades and his stay in his father's home. If the father wants to take away from OP I feel that should be discussed as a consequence for bad grades before the report cards come on. Not afterwards. As, that won't help the child learn anything but fear of punishment. Not how they rewarded for good things. The FACT is OP was given the money as a gift. By definition gifts are not loans. they are not conditional. you give a gift when you don't expect anything on return. Now I'm not saying that love and money are related and that statement by OP was a bit misguided, but the fact is OP'S father went back on his word. he took back a gift and just decided to call it a reward after the fact. call something a reward retroactively is not a good parenting technique on the long run though I can see the why the parent's would do that, that does make it okay. There are just so many ways this could have been approached better. OP did not seem to protest the fact he lost money as much as it changing status from gift to reward and this no longer be unconditional and able to be taken away with no warning. At the very least, instead of taking the money away by demand, they should have perhaps said something like due to your bad grades, you have a choice to donate 50 dollars to charity (may something to do for impoverished children's education, either nationally or internationally) or deal with being grounded until next fall... which would include amenity curfews such as limited Internet and television access and so on as well as not being able to leave the house to see friends and such... which would be pretty intense so OP, would likely donate the money and maybe in the process learn how difficult it is for some people to get a decent basic education or how it is not a basic right in so.e countries..and thus learn to appreciate their privileges, which includes education, more... I also would think it is beneficial for the parents to match OP'S donation to show how education is a right they support as well and they aren't just blowing steam... Perhaps also say that while yes the Xmas 50 dollar thing was instigated by what I'd likely presume is a holiday bonus (don't see why people think it was earned through hard work. not this time of the year) and that if OP gets As and Bs next semester,.they will give him 50 dollars as a reward and he can do whatever he wants with the money. Maybe also offer the option of 25 dollars if he gets predominantly Bs with maybe 1 or 2 Cs tops. As mentioned, not everyone has an even remotely easy time get just a B much less and A... so this would be a good stepping stone if OP had a long way to go when it comes to being a good student. OP would know not to goof off and stuff if they want a reward... The parents could also say that if he fails to get good grades again THEY there will be a punishment (again) and tell him what it would be. This would leave no room for miscommunication or mixed messages and be actual good parenting and not "good parenting' due to what is "deserved" /after the fact/... and without any reason to question the morality of the situation. At least this is my opinion. Yes, saying "I guess love is not unconditional" just because you got 50 dollars taken away is bullshit,.but that does mean it was exactly justified either. You'll are being way too harsh on OP...
Yea..this is on u atm imo. Maybe if u have a learning disorder or any kind of deficiency it is understood. Tutors are available usually to help, and office hours can work as well. With that said I'm blaming u or anything at all. Ppl are different so don't take it the wrong way. Hell i have a slight learning deficiency, but major anxiety and attention issues. I was smiliar boat as you prior to seeing a psychologiat, therapist, and psychiatrist whom i still c to this which helped. Helped get me thru medical school. You never know so i recommend to see someone like that just to see in case there are issues. Anyways, yea, that sux but maybe he is trying to motivate you? He for sure loves you unconditionally. Good Luck!
Not sure why any one is clicking ydi, since the money was never a reward it was just the dad originally doing something nice for his kids, as a dad should.
The amount of people missing the fact that the Dad actually DID **** up on handling this is a bit alarming. The Dad originally decided to give the money as a gift to his children, then, after already gifting them the money, demanded the report cards, then demanded the money back despite the fact he gifted it. Which, for those who don't know, is a common emotionally abusive behavior. The abuser presents the victim with something that is supposedly a gift, then sets a goal, usually a retroactive one that they KNOW the victim didn't meet, and then demands the "gift" back, sometimes plus some additional penalties to the victim. While that might not be the case, we don't know if it is, so assuming AND asserting that the father did nothing wrong isn't exactly fair. Not to mention, the way the father did it is also a very common set up to cause resentment and unhealthy rivalry between siblings. Additionally, everyone calling OP spoiled for equating money to love (even though the two aren't the same) is missing a pretty big damn clue. Where do kids get their definitions of emotions and learn how to express them? From their parents. Which means if OP DOES think money=love, their parents are responsible for laying the foundation of that misconception through their actions and words. Also, the fact that OP's parents haven't asked them about their grades since the new school period started is a bit baffling. And most kids that actually need that help aren't going to bring the subject up for fear of punishment. So yeah, there are fishy things in this post, even if I'm over analyzing- we don't know jack diddly about the rest of OP's day to day life, so maybe don't trash them for being upset at their father's poor handling of the matter.
Where do you get they haven't asked about grades? Maybe op is confused with love=money or maybe they are trying to pull manipulation in "I didn't get what I want so you don't love me".
Because if they had asked about OP's grades the father would have known that OP was "scraping by" on Cs, and thus would have asked for the report card first. In other words, simple logic.
The comma after "So" is unnecessary
corky1992
33
Maybe you should do better in school then. can't expect rewards when you don't apply yourself
It was never a reward though
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Love is not necessarily demonstrated by giving you money. Motivating you to do your best, even when you don't appreciate it, can be more loving than you might imagine.
I think I would have felt more sorry for you if it wasn't for the "So, love is conditional?". Money and love are two separate things