Cute and Kids: Today, my five-year-old daughter came home from school. It's...

By titoutou222 - 22/10/2011 12:40 - France

Today, my five-year-old daughter came home from school. It's cold and she was very tired. I said, "Take off your socks and blow your nose." She took off her socks and blew her nose into them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 511

You deserved it 18 616

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Same thing different taste

Kids are gross

By Shawn - 28/03/2021 05:01

Today, I taught my 18 month-old daughter to wipe the green, snotty mucus from under her nose with a tissue. To which, like a ninja, she then wiped my open-mouthed upper lip with that same snotty tissue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 828

You deserved it 195

By Username - 17/03/2011 04:04

Today, my daughter went potty. Just as she always does, she came up to me and announced, "I flushed, and wiped, and shut the light off." Then she did something brand new. She covered my face with her hand and asked, "Do these fingers smell?" They did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 873

You deserved it 5 243

By nosestealer - 07/07/2013 21:57 - Canada - Brampton

Today, my five-year-old daughter called the police to report her stolen nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 478

You deserved it 9 866

By My Daughter Fails at Life - 26/09/2015 01:17 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I asked my shut in of a daughter why she was sniffing black pepper. She said she was practicing to make her sneezes sound like coughs, thereby decreasing the likelihood of someone talking to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 872

You deserved it 2 593

By Bailey - 05/04/2011 04:04 - Canada

Today, my four year old daughter came up to me with her finger in her ear. She then let me know that her earwax tasted better than the dinner I made. In front of my whole family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 471

You deserved it 6 724

By me - 23/10/2011 02:06 - United States

Today, I came home from work to my 3 year old daughter sniffing the rug in the living room. When I asked her what she was doing she said "Daddy smell this." So I went, got on my knees and bent down to smell it and she pushed my face in the dog crap smeared in the rug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 640

You deserved it 7 529

By espylone - 17/12/2011 15:42 - France

Today, my five-year-old daughter told me she was going to throw up. I told her to rush to the bathroom. I followed her a few seconds later, only to find her sitting on the toilet and vomiting onto the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 142

You deserved it 6 496

By Oily - 16/12/2011 09:08 - New Zealand

Today, my 7-year-old daughter came up to me in a noisy mall and said "boo-boo" pointing to her hand. Not paying enough attention, I kissed her hand to make her feel better. She grimaced and said "No dad, bird poo." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 224

You deserved it 14 449

Have a baby they said, it'll be fun they said

By Anonymous - 25/11/2010 13:28 - United Kingdom

Today, my six-month-old daughter decided to explore my nose, and before I could stop her she shoved her thumb deep in there. She thought it was hilarious when blood started gushing down my shirt. My nose is agony to touch and I still had to clean her up first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 074

You deserved it 3 962

By crazydaughter - 12/04/2012 12:51 - Egypt

Today, I walked in on my daughter trying to blow-dry the sweat off her armpits instead of showering. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 850

You deserved it 3 277

Decapitation 3

Saturday 22 October 2011 16:08

This FML socks.

iggz 0

Saturday 22 October 2011 16:10

She did exactly what you said

Comments

Thisismypchere 8

Saturday 22 October 2011 16:18

I don't take my socks off when I'm freezing...

GirlWithName1324 0

Saturday 22 October 2011 18:37

Ya! Don't you usually put socks on....?

countrygirl4life_fml 0

Saturday 22 October 2011 19:10

her socks might of been wet and her mom wanted her to change them.

Viciousstorms 7

Saturday 22 October 2011 16:20

Wouldn't it be more intelligent to just wash the sock and not make an FML over it?

here4theparty 4

Saturday 22 October 2011 19:01

yes, but then you wouldn't be able to suggest Todo so.

MyPerspective 4

Saturday 22 October 2011 16:22

At least you know you have an obedient child!

DDpandaz 0

Saturday 22 October 2011 16:23

Oh the poor socks!... Next time post a real FML

godsname 0

Saturday 22 October 2011 16:23

take off your shoes and make me soup

Thundernerd 4

Saturday 22 October 2011 16:26

I laughed, it's not a FML. It's cute

perdix 29

Saturday 22 October 2011 16:30

Damn, your kid is literal! Good thing she's not also dyslexic, otherwise she might try to take off her nose and blow her socks!

perdix 29

Saturday 22 October 2011 19:14

Yet another person who is way too literal! If I found the obscure term for people who jumble words they hear, it wouldnt be funny.

zikko 5

Saturday 22 October 2011 16:34

Aww, that's so cute! Children do the funniest things sometimes! Well, at least she did what you said, even though she misunderstood it a little :D

mojojojo91 6

Saturday 22 October 2011 16:35

Well she followed your orders. Kids are such characters.

Poetaster 10

Saturday 22 October 2011 16:41

Sounds like she did as she was told.

ThatLooksSticky 16

Saturday 22 October 2011 19:25

Yep. Sounds like she's gonna be a great wife someday.

Keywords

Awkward Love Friends Miscellaneous Cute Haircut Relatable Cars You're fired Work Kids Parenting Family DIY Cats Am I overreacting? Intimacy Sex Management Poopoo peepee Capitalism Coworkers Frustration Animals ADHD Dogs Transportation Dating Health Anxiety

The Top

Today, while I was mid-act with my girlfriend, my mom unlocked my bedroom door and came in shaking maracas. She then handed them to my very shocked girlfriend and told her these were the "Busted maracas" and directed her to pass them along accordingly. Well, at least our first time was memorable… FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 441

You deserved it 365

Today, my boss is going nuts after some coworkers quit, as they were some of the lucky few with enough cash to move away ahead of whatever dumbass plan the next administration has for their immigrant families and friends. My boss is complaining he can't afford to pay "normal people wages" and wants me to work overtime. FML

I agree, your life sucks 444

You deserved it 166

The Top

Today, while giving a brief presentation at work, I blanked out on what I was going to say. I tried to make a joke and tell them I'd had a brain fart, but all I managed to say was, "I farted." Well, at least they all laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 077

You deserved it 8 697

Today, my mother came back from her trip to Vegas. Her breasts were obviously 2 letter sizes larger. I asked if she got a boob job and she denied it, saying that it's against her religion. She's an atheist, and a liar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 506

You deserved it 3 560

Today, my boyfriend told me that the ring I wear on my ring finger needs to come off because it's too big. It's too big because I bought it for him and he gave it back to me 6 months later. I've been wearing it on the same finger for the last 3 months with no problems. FML

I agree, your life sucks 323

You deserved it 92

Today, I hid my weed stash in a bag from an expensive jewellery store. My sister walked into my room, went "Ooh, what's this?" and grabbed the bag. I grabbed it back and ad-libbed that it was her Christmas gift. Now I actually have to buy her expensive jewellery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 127

You deserved it 64 384

Today, I was partnered up with a girl in my art class, since the teacher had asked us to take turns drawing portraits of each other. I went first and felt pretty proud of how the drawing turned out. I showed it to her and she said "That's OK. I'm not good at drawing either." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 050

You deserved it 3 137

Today, I got a speeding ticket in the mail, at the same time as my car was getting towed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 329

You deserved it 210

Same thing different taste

Kids are gross

Have a baby they said, it'll be fun they said

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