Cute and Kids: Today, my five-year-old daughter came home from school. It's...

By titoutou222 - 22/10/2011 12:40 - France

Today, my five-year-old daughter came home from school. It's cold and she was very tired. I said, "Take off your socks and blow your nose." She took off her socks and blew her nose into them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 511

You deserved it 18 614

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Same thing different taste

Kids are gross

By Shawn - 28/03/2021 05:01

Today, I taught my 18 month-old daughter to wipe the green, snotty mucus from under her nose with a tissue. To which, like a ninja, she then wiped my open-mouthed upper lip with that same snotty tissue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 827

You deserved it 195

By Username - 17/03/2011 04:04

Today, my daughter went potty. Just as she always does, she came up to me and announced, "I flushed, and wiped, and shut the light off." Then she did something brand new. She covered my face with her hand and asked, "Do these fingers smell?" They did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 872

You deserved it 5 242

By nosestealer - 07/07/2013 21:57 - Canada - Brampton

Today, my five-year-old daughter called the police to report her stolen nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 475

You deserved it 9 866

By My Daughter Fails at Life - 26/09/2015 01:17 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I asked my shut in of a daughter why she was sniffing black pepper. She said she was practicing to make her sneezes sound like coughs, thereby decreasing the likelihood of someone talking to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 870

You deserved it 2 593

By Bailey - 05/04/2011 04:04 - Canada

Today, my four year old daughter came up to me with her finger in her ear. She then let me know that her earwax tasted better than the dinner I made. In front of my whole family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 469

You deserved it 6 724

By me - 23/10/2011 02:06 - United States

Today, I came home from work to my 3 year old daughter sniffing the rug in the living room. When I asked her what she was doing she said "Daddy smell this." So I went, got on my knees and bent down to smell it and she pushed my face in the dog crap smeared in the rug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 639

You deserved it 7 529

By espylone - 17/12/2011 15:42 - France

Today, my five-year-old daughter told me she was going to throw up. I told her to rush to the bathroom. I followed her a few seconds later, only to find her sitting on the toilet and vomiting onto the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 138

You deserved it 6 496

By Oily - 16/12/2011 09:08 - New Zealand

Today, my 7-year-old daughter came up to me in a noisy mall and said "boo-boo" pointing to her hand. Not paying enough attention, I kissed her hand to make her feel better. She grimaced and said "No dad, bird poo." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 222

You deserved it 14 446

Have a baby they said, it'll be fun they said

By Anonymous - 25/11/2010 13:28 - United Kingdom

Today, my six-month-old daughter decided to explore my nose, and before I could stop her she shoved her thumb deep in there. She thought it was hilarious when blood started gushing down my shirt. My nose is agony to touch and I still had to clean her up first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 071

You deserved it 3 960

By crazydaughter - 12/04/2012 12:51 - Egypt

Today, I walked in on my daughter trying to blow-dry the sweat off her armpits instead of showering. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 849

You deserved it 3 277

Decapitation 3

Saturday 22 October 2011 16:08

This FML socks.

iggz 0

Saturday 22 October 2011 16:10

She did exactly what you said

Comments

BGoodRBCareful 5

Saturday 22 October 2011 17:02

Out of the nose of babes...

ahoso 0

Saturday 22 October 2011 17:29

I don't get what u wanted her to do

emagurl 6

Saturday 22 October 2011 17:29

Guess you have to be more direct lol!

TalkinSmack 6

Saturday 22 October 2011 17:35

Atleast she listens

zyron7568 0

Saturday 22 October 2011 17:39

Why would you make her take off her socks?

autruchette 0

Saturday 22 October 2011 17:42

Exactly the same story on the French site. Soooo original !

lozzagouk 4

Saturday 22 October 2011 17:50

That would be because it says "Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!" after the FML....

BronyVasNormandy 12

Saturday 22 October 2011 17:45

This is the kind of funny FML that made me love this site. Too many FMLs are depressing. It's nice to have a little light-hearted humor.

Mooby 6

Saturday 22 October 2011 17:49

If you said it was cold, then why'd you ask her to take her socks off?

Plaasmaa 4

Saturday 22 October 2011 17:57

*into them

JalosgurlGiselle 0

Saturday 22 October 2011 18:00

How cute lol

Keywords

Cats Gross Animals Relatable Poopoo peepee Health Creepy Scary Kids Mental health Parents Cold weather Miscellaneous Embarrassing Tinder Dating Love Cute Work Transportation Cops Awkward Crush Sports Teachers Education AITA Weddings Public freakouts Mother in law

The Top

Today, my boss wanted to promote me to a managerial position. I declined the position, saying that I don't think I'm ready and experienced enough for that role. I was then fired instead for not accepting the promotion. I was fired for being honest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 729

You deserved it 26 540

Today, it's been 3 weeks since I was suspended and the fired from my job for falling asleep at the desk. Very unprofessional, even if I was 29 weeks pregnant and sick. It's also been 3 weeks since I've had trouble falling asleep because I'm too used to working nights. FML

I agree, your life sucks 933

You deserved it 234

The Top

Today, I came home to find a BMW partially blocking my driveway. I was already having a bad day, and was upset that some stuck up fool blocked my driveway, so I keyed the driver's side. 5 minutes later my parents show up. The BMW was a graduation gift for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 146

You deserved it 245 331

Today, I was buying condoms but was a little embarrassed so I went to the self-check. I scanned the condoms, then a magazine and tried to put the condoms under the magazines to hide them. The store guy saw me, thought I was shoplifting and I was kicked out of the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 844

You deserved it 15 939

Today, my girlfriend of four months asked me to babysit her four-year-old daughter. All went well, and she texted me to see how she was. I wanted to say “a little ornery”. My phone auto corrected ornery to horny. She didn't appreciate that her four-year-old daughter was a little horny from her boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 945

You deserved it 540

Today, my husband of 4 years is tagged in a #ValentinesDayChallenge post on Facebook. No, I didn’t tag him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 838

You deserved it 116

Today, I was walking into work holding a coffee and a bunch of other things. My employee saw me and held the door. I was almost there when I dropped my coffee, tried to catch it, tripped over the curb and fell flat on my face. I heard the door close while still lying there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 652

You deserved it 202

Today, I got my fake ID and went out with the boys to dinner and the bars. One of my friends asked to see my ID. He noticed my birthday didn't make me over 21. I paid $170 for a fake ID with my real birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 409

You deserved it 76 556

Same thing different taste

Kids are gross

Have a baby they said, it'll be fun they said

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