Love: Today, my five year old daughter told me that while I'm at work,...

By abercrombieef - 27/08/2009 23:57 - United States

Today, my five year old daughter told me that while I'm at work, daddy has his wrestling buddy Melinda over. She also said that they wrestle on the bed so that they won't get hurt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 86 795

You deserved it 3 969

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

Inappropriate, honey

By Jessica - 15/05/2009 00:03 - United States

Today, my 6 year-old daughter walked in on my husband and I getting it on. Now she won't stop "pretending to be daddy" against items of furniture. We have guests coming round in three hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 105

You deserved it 47 702

By Anonymous - 28/01/2014 21:57 - Bahrain - Manama

Today, my daughter hugged me around the neck and whispered, "I'm going to cut your head off." I'm afraid to go to sleep now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 713

You deserved it 5 759

By Anonymous - 16/01/2014 17:57 - United States - Springfield

Today, my 7-year-old daughter made a new game: hitting me in the groin when I'm not expecting it. She hunts me in the house, hides around corners, and behind furniture to ambush me. She'll even do it if she catches me napping. I'm a grown man living in fear of a little girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 123

You deserved it 13 074

By Poly24 - 27/08/2013 10:32 - France - La Courneuve

Today, I could hear my daughter playing with her Barbie dolls in her room. "Do you think your boss will agree to give you a raise?", she said. "Of course, we slept together!" My daughter is six. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 135

You deserved it 8 912

By Jess - 30/05/2009 12:48 - United States

Today, I overheard my 5 year old daughter call a girl in her dance class a slut. Shocked, I asked her where she heard that word. Her response: "I heard you and Daddy say it about her Mommy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 369

You deserved it 71 862

By unknown - 15/09/2011 00:21 - United States

Today, I got a call from my daughter's school saying that she had beat someone up. She's 4. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 179

You deserved it 6 096

Life goals

By ShayisPay101 - 15/02/2010 18:58 - United States

Today, my daughter told me she wants to be a stripper when she grows up, just like "Daddy's girlfriend." We're still married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 557

You deserved it 3 889

By dumped - 05/06/2011 05:17 - United States

Today, my five year old daughter asked me what a divorce was. When I asked why she wanted to know, she replied with "Daddy wants one. He says you can have me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 034

You deserved it 4 181

Nice of her

By Bill - 06/12/2009 20:28 - United States

Today, I was sitting on the couch with my 5 year-old on my lap. All of a sudden, she turned to me and said, "Daddy, I love your boobies. They're a good pillow." My own kid just called me fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 965

You deserved it 18 122

By Anonymous - 15/03/2013 10:28 - United Kingdom - London

Today, while I was going down on my husband, our 3-year-old daughter woke up and started crying from the other room. He practically burst into tears too, whining that she was doing it on purpose to ruin his fun. He was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 932

You deserved it 6 212

LadyKaya 0

Friday 28 August 2009 7:33

FYL...I'm so sorry, especially when you have a child who's seen this/heard this...Not only has she seen things she's way too young to understand, or that he'd even do that with a child in the house, but the fighting/divorce that's on the horizon will be hard on her...It's sad that he didn't think of his daughter.

kitkatkelly 0

Friday 28 August 2009 7:22

Daddy's gonna get a thumping from someone else tonight.

Comments

nicholleexo0 0

Sunday 30 August 2009 19:57

Omg, I so agree with #110, that is so F***en funny. OP you should so do that(tell you 5 year old to tell ur husband to say she has a wrestling buddy) that would be so funny, maybe then he will confess. SO DO THAT! then comment back and tell us what your husband said.