Love: Today, my five year old daughter told me that while I'm at work,...

By abercrombieef - 27/08/2009 23:57 - United States

Today, my five year old daughter told me that while I'm at work, daddy has his wrestling buddy Melinda over. She also said that they wrestle on the bed so that they won't get hurt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 86 795

You deserved it 3 969

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

Inappropriate, honey

By Jessica - 15/05/2009 00:03 - United States

Today, my 6 year-old daughter walked in on my husband and I getting it on. Now she won't stop "pretending to be daddy" against items of furniture. We have guests coming round in three hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 105

You deserved it 47 702

By Anonymous - 28/01/2014 21:57 - Bahrain - Manama

Today, my daughter hugged me around the neck and whispered, "I'm going to cut your head off." I'm afraid to go to sleep now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 713

You deserved it 5 759

By Anonymous - 16/01/2014 17:57 - United States - Springfield

Today, my 7-year-old daughter made a new game: hitting me in the groin when I'm not expecting it. She hunts me in the house, hides around corners, and behind furniture to ambush me. She'll even do it if she catches me napping. I'm a grown man living in fear of a little girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 123

You deserved it 13 074

By Poly24 - 27/08/2013 10:32 - France - La Courneuve

Today, I could hear my daughter playing with her Barbie dolls in her room. "Do you think your boss will agree to give you a raise?", she said. "Of course, we slept together!" My daughter is six. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 135

You deserved it 8 912

By Jess - 30/05/2009 12:48 - United States

Today, I overheard my 5 year old daughter call a girl in her dance class a slut. Shocked, I asked her where she heard that word. Her response: "I heard you and Daddy say it about her Mommy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 369

You deserved it 71 862

By unknown - 15/09/2011 00:21 - United States

Today, I got a call from my daughter's school saying that she had beat someone up. She's 4. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 179

You deserved it 6 096

Life goals

By ShayisPay101 - 15/02/2010 18:58 - United States

Today, my daughter told me she wants to be a stripper when she grows up, just like "Daddy's girlfriend." We're still married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 557

You deserved it 3 889

By dumped - 05/06/2011 05:17 - United States

Today, my five year old daughter asked me what a divorce was. When I asked why she wanted to know, she replied with "Daddy wants one. He says you can have me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 034

You deserved it 4 181

Nice of her

By Bill - 06/12/2009 20:28 - United States

Today, I was sitting on the couch with my 5 year-old on my lap. All of a sudden, she turned to me and said, "Daddy, I love your boobies. They're a good pillow." My own kid just called me fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 965

You deserved it 18 122

By Anonymous - 15/03/2013 10:28 - United Kingdom - London

Today, while I was going down on my husband, our 3-year-old daughter woke up and started crying from the other room. He practically burst into tears too, whining that she was doing it on purpose to ruin his fun. He was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 932

You deserved it 6 212

LadyKaya 0

Friday 28 August 2009 7:33

FYL...I'm so sorry, especially when you have a child who's seen this/heard this...Not only has she seen things she's way too young to understand, or that he'd even do that with a child in the house, but the fighting/divorce that's on the horizon will be hard on her...It's sad that he didn't think of his daughter.

kitkatkelly 0

Friday 28 August 2009 7:22

Daddy's gonna get a thumping from someone else tonight.

Comments

xoconnie 8

Friday 28 August 2009 17:40

hm u should go home early one day and see for urself. thennn, kick his ass.(:

feminist19 0

Friday 28 August 2009 17:42

cut off his penis

youthink_fml 0

Friday 28 August 2009 19:53

comments like yours are the reason people think feminists are stupid bitches

333reds333 0

Friday 28 August 2009 21:18

cut off his penis??? wtf????!!!!!?????!!!!! what is wrong with you??? if she cut off his penis, SHE WOULD GO TO JAIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! for a long time! not to mention the irreversible effects of not having a penis, which would be way more than the husband deserved if he had been cheating. i think a confrontation and possibly divorce would be sufficient. and i think her husband can wrestle with whomever he chooses. come on, its not like he was having an affair or anything!

mcsnelly 5

Friday 28 August 2009 22:09

pretty sure #89 was joking...as it's fairly obvious that no sane person would actually cut off someone's penis...you guys need to work on not overreacting.

jellyfish_ftw 0

Saturday 29 August 2009 0:28

youthink: people on here say things like that all the time in comments, the only difference here is the fact that she had the word "feminist" in her name, and that you're an ass. 333reds333: wow. just...........wow. your stupidity has me lost for words.

wordgirl 0

Saturday 29 August 2009 6:05

'kay, listen "feminist": of all people, YOU should be the person to realize that just because you marry someone doesn't mean you OWN them. They made a promise, not a contract that puts their appendages/organs and possibly their life at stake. Don't be so rash, angry and judgmental. If the guy is dishonorable enough to cheat, (in front of his bloody daughter, for crying out loud) then take his ass to court and sue him for custody and alimony and divorce. Don't go doing something you'll never be able to erase and that could possibly end YOUR butt up in jail for the remainder of your child's childhood. So she cuts his penis off, has a moment of satisfaction before realizing that it won't magically grow back, and she has a man bleeding to near death and disfigured for life because her pride was wounded...AND while she sits in jail, wishing she never read your post on FML, her husband is at home wrestling a revolving door of buddies that you can't prevent your daughter from seeing, because you're cooling it in the pokey. Good job.

aznwhitekid 0

Saturday 29 August 2009 17:49

dude chill she was kidding ._.

mcsnelly 5

Sunday 30 August 2009 7:01

Okay I had a comment here but it's not there anymore...Basically what I said was that it's pretty ****** obvious that #89 was JOKING! No sane person would actually cut off someone's penis. (She may have the momentary urge to, but, unless she actually IS psychotic, it will pass quickly.) Don't get so worked up over something that is the most obvious "just kidding" post on here! EDIT: Okay nvm....my post just magically reappeared lol...sorry :)

sunney3 0

Friday 28 August 2009 17:43

why are you so jealous that's super safe and teaching your daughter about safety and precaution you involved when ******* a mate.

jonny2x4 0

Friday 28 August 2009 17:53

This would be much more plausible if he called her his MMA buddy.

jonny2x4 0

Friday 28 August 2009 17:57

This way the term "rear naked choke" would make so much more sense.

17xVampx17 0

Friday 28 August 2009 19:52

Atleast his "wrestling buddy" wasn't a guy...

corporalusmc 0

Friday 28 August 2009 19:57

I'll spell it out for you, d-i-v-o-r-c-e!!!! and not because he cheated really, but because ur daughter saw it.

unlucky93_fml 0

Friday 28 August 2009 21:54

number 77, way to be supportive? haha your husband is stupid

cactus_fml 0

Friday 28 August 2009 22:44

What a ******* asshole! I mean really, not only does he stay home and cheat on you while you're out working, he does it WITH YOUR KID IN THE HOUSE! What the ****?! When she grows up and figures out what was really going on, she'll be scarred. He's quite possibly ruined his future relationship with her. Asshole. Such a ******* asshole.