Health: Today, my friend figured out that if you poke my neck I scratch...

By Cait - 30/01/2017 20:00 - Canada - Olds

Today, my friend figured out that if you poke my neck I scratch like a dog. She has yet to cease doing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 323

You deserved it 801

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Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 15/12/2013 06:47 - United States - Fresno

Today, I was playing with my dog, when she started sniffing my face. Jokingly, I got up and started to sniff her face back and asked "Yeah, how do you like that?" She replied by biting into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 366

You deserved it 35 763

By CheeseMonsters - 24/01/2010 12:28 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to get my friend a drink while she sat in the lounge watching TV with my dog. When I came back, I found her licking my dogs ears. She said he dared her to do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 480

You deserved it 3 439

No pain, no gain

By What's neck't? - 01/11/2022 20:00 - United States

Today, on this edition of me getting pimples in painful or uncomfortable places, I got a huge one on the side of my neck. I never thought that simply turning my head would be such a horrendously painful task. Also, the afflicted area of my neck suddenly itches like crazy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 784

You deserved it 111

By phillyfan4life - 21/02/2011 19:50 - United States

Today, I saw my dog sleeping, so I laid next to her and put her arm around my neck to be cute. Only for her to wake up and bite my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 810

You deserved it 28 484

Fight or flight

By hannah - 17/02/2011 05:58 - United Kingdom

Today, my friend finally convinced me that if I picked up her cat it wouldn't scratch my eyes out. It peed on me instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 850

You deserved it 4 148

By ambushcat - 06/07/2012 03:31 - United States

Today, I was messing with my cat by moving my hand around under the sheets to make it look like a mouse, making him pounce at it. Without thinking, I brought my hand up to scratch my nose and was immediately attacked by flailing claws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 514

You deserved it 28 635

By anonamous - 12/03/2012 21:45 - United States

Today, I hugged my dog and kissed her on the side of the face. She responded by mauling me across my own face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 165

You deserved it 9 125

Doggy dog world

By Anonymous - 17/01/2016 10:02 - United States

Today, I reached down to pet an elderly man's dog. It jumped up and utterly mauled my face, drawing blood. As I gasped in shock and pain, the man said, "Careful, he likes to scratch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 210

You deserved it 11 263

Let cats be cats

By Anonymous - 28/02/2022 06:00

Today, I disciplined my cat for meowing too loudly in my apartment and disturbing neighbors by picking her up by the scruff. She then proceeded to scratch the ever living crap out of my hand, now it looks like Wolverine got a hold of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 267

You deserved it 2 200

Watch out for them slappers

By Anonymous - 30/03/2021 14:01

Today, my medium-sized poxer dog was sitting on my lap. He shook his head, managing to slap me in the face with his ears three times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 619

You deserved it 284

mcaisse77 17

Tuesday 31 January 2017 4:16

So you scratch it with your foot?

RichardPencil 30

Tuesday 31 January 2017 4:17

I'm sure she'll quit when it no longer amuses her. That could be 15-20 years because that shit is funny af!!!

Comments

mcaisse77 17

Tuesday 31 January 2017 4:16

So you scratch it with your foot?

RichardPencil 30

Tuesday 31 January 2017 4:17

I'm sure she'll quit when it no longer amuses her. That could be 15-20 years because that shit is funny af!!!

awildwhisper 30

Tuesday 31 January 2017 5:13

You can't control scratching yourself?

coming back in the future 30

Tuesday 31 January 2017 6:28

woof woof

TyBootleg1499 4

Tuesday 31 January 2017 6:57

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

alvarny 17

Tuesday 31 January 2017 8:31

if she throws a stick, do you fetch?

lilchica22001 22

Tuesday 31 January 2017 9:58

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

Humanoidfreak 5

Tuesday 31 January 2017 10:33

shaggy dog is that you??

Robert Knighton 5

Tuesday 31 January 2017 11:21

The real question is do you start to drool when she rings a bell?

TheBroCodeBros 15

Tuesday 31 January 2017 13:02

Are you sure you're from Alberta and not "Scratchawan"

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I was telling my mother about my earrings hurting my ears. I had a cut on my ear close to the piercing and she thought that I had mistaken the cut for the opening, and said (as we walked past a car full of men), "Well of course it hurts when you put it in the wrong hole!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 054

You deserved it 8 438

Today, a friend and I tell each other everything about our relationships, and we’ve been flirting for two years, but we’re not together. I started to have feelings for him, but I didn’t say anything, then the guy started to disappear and I don't know if he has an avoidant attachment, or he's just ignoring me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 385

You deserved it 495

The Top

Today, my boyfriend and I were preparing for the arrival of Hurricane Sandy. I tasked him with going out to buy emergency groceries in case we lose power. He returned with dozens of microwave cup noodles. We're going to starve. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 002

You deserved it 3 930

Today, I found I’m pregnant. I hooked up with my ex when my now boyfriend and I had broken up for a week. My ex doesn’t want kids. It’s most likely my ex's kid. My boyfriend has now proposed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 363

You deserved it 2 843

Today, my friend and his girlfriend got in a fight while drunk and he started walking home. While driving around looking for him, I accidentally hit him with my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 035

You deserved it 9 629

Today, I found out my boss and some employees on my floor have bets placed on who can get the best picture of my ass. I found out when one of the pictures was accidentally sent to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 618

You deserved it 4 074

Today, I left my phone outside on the grass while I went inside to get a drink. I didn't expect my dad to run over it with the lawn mower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 863

You deserved it 28 380

Today, I went to a bar for some drinks. A guy looked me up and down, gave me a suggestive smile, then asked for my name and number. I'd have been a little less creeped out if he hadn't been standing beside me at the urinal the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 570

You deserved it 4 186