Miscellaneous: Today, my friend thought it would be funny to put a pretzel on...

By joe1234 - 17/07/2009 02:28 - United States

Today, my friend thought it would be funny to put a pretzel on my forehead while I was sleeping on the beach. I now have a pretzel-shaped tan line in the middle of my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 855

You deserved it 9 731

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By Anonymous - 25/10/2019 06:02

Today, I fell asleep while at an outside birthday party in the sun for a five-year-old. That five-year-old put an animal cracker on my forehead. I now have a rhino-shaped tan line. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 401

You deserved it 1 028

By zzfreakshow - 15/10/2013 00:16 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I fell asleep while at the beach with friends. Someone thought it would be funny to put chunks of bread on and around my junk. Seagulls have sharp beaks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 840

You deserved it 5 046

By melonhead - 14/01/2010 08:46 - Australia

Today, my friends thought it would be funny to try and break a watermelon on my head while I was asleep on the couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 889

You deserved it 3 726

By scratchy - 08/02/2011 21:39

Today, my "friend" put itching powder in my cast while I was sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 207

You deserved it 2 746

By Anonymous - 11/08/2009 04:06 - United States

Today, I was at the beach with friends and I fell asleep while I was tanning. When I woke up, everyone was laughing hysterically. I asked what was so funny, and one of my friends replies, "you farted so loud in your sleep that you woke yourself up." FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 557

You deserved it 7 958

By ouch - 05/10/2015 19:20 - United States - Stockton

Today, I cracked my tooth. I was so tired I put my pretzel stick in my tea and took a bite out of my spoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 877

You deserved it 3 774

By Burned - 05/06/2011 00:54 - United States

Today, I went to the beach with my friends to show off my engagement ring. I fell asleep in the sun and woke up extremely sunburnt to a text from my boyfriend confessing that he's been cheating on me. I gave him the ring back. Now I have its tan line on my finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 109

You deserved it 7 103

By Anonymous - 10/01/2011 19:06 - Denmark

Today, I decided to try a self-tanning lotion my friend had recommended. I put it on, and decided to take a nap. I woke up later and checked myself in the mirror, expecting to see a new, more tanned version of myself. I didn't. I'm now orange. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 586

You deserved it 39 980

By Anonymous - 13/08/2011 19:12 - United States

Today, after pulling an all-nighter, I fell asleep at the beach. My friends took the opportunity to bury me in the sand, place food all around me, and wait for a flock of hungry seagulls to attack me. To top it off, they taped it all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 822

You deserved it 6 331

Life's a beach

By Brittanyy_leigh - 17/12/2009 07:57 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I went to the beach. I though he was being really sweet by putting sunscreen on my back as I layed on my stomach. I got home later, and felt that my back was sore. Then I saw the giant penis on my back that been burnt in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 159

You deserved it 6 019

shoeofallcosmos 0

Friday 17 July 2009 9:52

Hey, that's cool! Why don't we have a "screw you that's awesome" button?

pizz0wn3d 0

Friday 17 July 2009 9:53

lmao. your friend is awesome.

Comments

Anonymous409 0

Friday 17 July 2009 11:04

Hey OP, be happy it wasn't a Penis-shaped pretzel.

Terilyn4500 0

Friday 17 July 2009 11:10

ohmigosh!!!!! thats great!!!!!! hahahahahahaahaah

car6435 0

Friday 17 July 2009 11:14

lol

lady307 0

Friday 17 July 2009 11:20

haha now thats comedy!

lovelovelovee 1

Friday 17 July 2009 11:22

hahaaaaaa. REVENGE.

mister_moops 0

Friday 17 July 2009 11:30

your friend was right. that's hilarious.

craphappens92 0

Friday 17 July 2009 11:33

Thanks for the idea man

eastmanwolf 0

Friday 17 July 2009 11:44

Eh, weird tan lines are pretty cool. I currently have a unicorn-shaped tan line on my shoulder... >.>

lisaleg 1

Friday 17 July 2009 11:51

the tanning bed does GREAT things. :] check it out!

GreenDaysGeekGrl 0

Friday 17 July 2009 12:23

LMAO! That's funny. I need to do that to one of my friends some time. :p @#44, that's cool! I want a unicorn tan line. :)

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The Top

Today, my girlfriend and I were trying to get it on on the bed. As soon as things were starting to get heated, I turned over and saw that my dog had not only jumped up on the bed, but had been watching and started to hump the pillow next to our heads. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 066

You deserved it 3 521

Today, I went with my girlfriend to her parents' house. They told me I smelled of cheap vodka. When I told them I worked in a bio lab and used ethanol a lot, they said I was too stupid to do anything like that. My girlfriend broke up with me because her parents think I'm a drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 937

You deserved it 3 418

The Top

Today, I'm 19, I'm at uni, I've never been kissed and the only person I have had a proper conversation with in the past week is my Mum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 648

You deserved it 5 493

Today, I was at a karaoke bar. After a few drinks, I gave it a go. Halfway through “Total Eclipse of the Heart” I got so into it, I knocked over the mic stand. The mic flew off, hit the DJ, who then hit the emergency stop button, cutting off the music. I froze as the bar erupted into laughter. I did get a free Coke for my “performance,” which was something. FML

I agree, your life sucks 326

You deserved it 186

Today, I walked out the back door of my place of employment and looked down to see a huge cockroach. This is quite a normal occurrence, so I thought nothing of it until I realized it was struggling to drag the corpse of one of its friends into the building. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 262

You deserved it 819

Today, I got T-boned by a woman going 60 mph. I was unconscious for hours, while a tube was inserted into my collapsed lung. Upon waking up, my 16-year old brother thought it would be hilarious to yank out my leg hairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 86 177

You deserved it 3 613

Today, I realized that even the worst criminals have girls falling for them, and meanwhile, I just got ghosted again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 796

You deserved it 247

Today, while at a boring lecture, I heard some people behind me whispering and laughing. I turned around, wondering what was so funny, which made them laugh even more. I then realised it looked like I'd been giving my pen a blowjob for the last 10 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 975

You deserved it 35 666

Same thing different taste

It's the new thing!

Life's a beach

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