Love and Intimacy: Today, my girlfriend and I took a walk on the beach at night....

By threw my underwear out too - 03/12/2017 00:00 - United States - Hyde Park

Today, my girlfriend and I took a walk on the beach at night. We were completely alone, so she started blowing me. It was great for the first five minutes, but she had just eaten dinner and (apparently) wasn't feeling great. I ended the night in the shower picking vomit out of my pubes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 896

You deserved it 1 903

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

The sensual world

By Anonymous - 22/10/2011 21:51 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend and I were both at home, sick. We decided to make the best of it and spent the day in bed together. Things got a little steamy, and we started making out. As I started kissing her neck, I got nauseous. Before I could pull away, I threw up all over her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 451

You deserved it 18 116

Hardly surprising

By Sad, but true - 02/02/2022 08:01 - Canada

Today, after my girlfriend made a huge dinner, we got frisky. About 15 minutes in, I threw up the dinner she made, all over her. She hasn’t talked to me since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 279

You deserved it 452

By Med - 13/11/2012 12:02 - Netherlands - Groningen

Today, after clubbing with my girlfriend, we went to her place. She then threw up on the floor, and went to clean herself up. When she came back, she'd forgotten that she'd just thrown up. She blamed me for puking, and kicked me out. It was 4:00 am and a 3-hour walk home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 792

You deserved it 2 975

By Walter - 24/10/2015 03:17 - Spain

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting heated. I kissed her on the neck, chest, stomach, and threw up as I kissed between her legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 137

You deserved it 6 253

Queasy

By ohdeardarling - 14/06/2009 13:08 - United Kingdom

Today, I went over to my boyfriend's house with a few people. I drank too much wine and later when everyone else had left I gave him head, deepthroating a little too enthusiastically, and puked all over his cock and bedsheets. Turns out, washing vomit out of your pubes kills the mood somewhat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 819

You deserved it 60 604

Desperate

By yourmainman - 28/01/2013 05:03 - Canada

Today, after months of lacking intimacy in our relationship, my girlfriend decided to spice things up by covering her naked body with whipped cream. Except, we didn't have any in the fridge, so instead I had to politely lick shaving cream off of her while fighting the urge to vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 937

You deserved it 15 971

Dirty sex

By Anonymous - 20/11/2022 06:00 - Canada - Burlington

Today, I was in my girlfriend's room when she walked in after getting out of the shower, wearing just a towel. She removed it and I was inches away from going down on her when I noticed she hadn’t wiped properly, either before or after her shower. She'd complained about stomach problems earlier, but regardless… FML

I agree, your life sucks 953

You deserved it 127

By jimbop - 23/05/2009 17:48 - Canada

Today, I was cuddling in bed with my girlfriend after a night of heavy drinking. She rolled towards me, looked me in the eyes and sweetly said, "I love you". Her morning breath was so bad that I had to jump up and rush to the bathroom to vomit, leaving a trail along the way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 920

You deserved it 10 325

Dating is hell

By Anonymous - 24/03/2024 05:00 - United Kingdom

Today, the girl I’ve been trying to date not only agreed to a date, she invited me back to her place because the date went so well. We were kissing so hard, I struggled to breathe, I coughed, gagged, then vomited my seafood dinner all over her yellow sofa. It all went downhill from there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 503

You deserved it 205

Nice outing

By Anonymous - 07/12/2019 05:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I decided to treat my girlfriend by eating her out. After a while I thought she was going to cum, but instead she farted in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 426

You deserved it 763

Caci Johnson 9

Sunday 3 December 2017 6:20

Guess she blew chunks for you

Allie614032 34

Sunday 3 December 2017 6:32

You should've just rinsed off in the ocean.

Comments

BIGKIEFFER 10

Sunday 3 December 2017 16:57

Should’ve gone for a swim until she felt well enough to finish the job.

Taurus_ChicKa 36

Sunday 3 December 2017 17:29

Probably not the "blow fish" you expected to see at the beach.

exileonmainst 16

Sunday 3 December 2017 17:45

Is anyone else hungry now?

Seeya55 31

Sunday 3 December 2017 18:09

If you turned around in the shower, you could have rinsed out the vomit. Remember for next time! :)

Aj Castelletto 11

Sunday 3 December 2017 20:23

I bet she feels the FML moment way more than you do right now lol

ohsnapword 21

Monday 4 December 2017 6:22

Look on the bright side, her tongue ring didn't get caught in your pubes.

wawa_sxm 15

Monday 4 December 2017 21:12

Now you know for next time you should shave!

Tonya Joyce Kitchens 7

Monday 4 December 2017 21:17

oh that's disgusting ? sucks for both of you but no lie I've almost puked myself giving a hi. thank god I havent (yet)

Jermana Mckinnie 11

Tuesday 5 December 2017 20:36

Nah bro, she deep throated. Good job ??

Bifloman 8

Friday 15 December 2017 6:05

Shave next time.

Keywords

Awkward Friends Love Miscellaneous Cute Haircut Relatable Work Cars You're fired Parenting Kids Family DIY Cats Sex Intimacy Am I overreacting? Poopoo peepee Management Frustration Capitalism Coworkers Transportation Dogs Animals ADHD Dating Mental health Health

The Top

Today, my thieving, layabout stepmom planted weed in my bedroom and showed my dad. Well, maybe I'm jumping to conclusions here, but her smirk and telling me later that I shouldn't fuck with her again seems conclusive to me. Goodbye freedom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 127

You deserved it 3 083

Today, I caught my husband of 13 years looking at other women in Instagram. FML

I agree, your life sucks 200

You deserved it 417

The Top

Today, I was pissed off. I kicked a soccer ball into my wall, and it bounced back, hit my head and knocked me into the wall behind me. My head hurts like hell. Even inanimate objects hate me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 355

You deserved it 63 341

Today, my friend gave me a fortune cookie that said, "Don't be saddened by an upcoming event". Three hours later my girlfriend broke up with me because she said I was too superstitious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 136

You deserved it 6 469

Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate with each other for the first time. He shoved his hand down my pants, touched about an inch away from my clitoris, and whispered, "Cummm" in my ear. I doubt I'll have an orgasm ever again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 041

You deserved it 4 253

Today, as I woke up early to do my physics homework, I heard my parents talk about how big a disappointment I am for them. They discussed how stupid, immature and how big a burden I was. They knew I was listening. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 993

You deserved it 4 580

Today, I haven’t spoken to my husband in a week, and when I finally spoke to him he thanked me because he’s gotten so much work done round the house, caught up on all his paperwork for his job, and reconnected with his Xbox friends. I didn’t realise I was such a fucking distraction. FML

I agree, your life sucks 420

You deserved it 1 586

Today, I thought I was going to get lucky with my girlfriend. Instead, I learned that she thought I was an ugly, masculine girl. All of our "dates" had been her taking me out to improve her chances when looking for guys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 433

You deserved it 587