Intimacy: Today, my girlfriend and I were getting it on for the first time....

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By Punk - 07/06/2011 20:07 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting it on for the first time. Just as I was about to climax, I spotted my greatest fear, a big wasp, only a few inches away from me. I shuddered and made a very unmanly orgasm wail. She now refuses to have sex because she says I "turned her off forever". FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 473

You deserved it 11 870

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Same thing different taste

Spider-Maaaaaaan

By 8 Legs plus 1 - 08/05/2020 14:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting frisky. She went to the bathroom momentarily, only to be greeted by a 'huge' spider, which disappeared under a cabinet. Due to her chronic arachnophobia, this instantly turned her off and caused her paranoia all night. I essentially got cock-blocked by a spider. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 978

You deserved it 280

No good

By :(( - 28/09/2013 21:24 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I was all set to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. I was ecstatic, until she threatened to "beat the fuck" out of me if I didn't make it good for her. The actual sex was 30 seconds of me being given death glares, causing me to lose my boner, and have to leave in shame. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 454

You deserved it 8 037

By displeased - 05/04/2012 06:47 - United States - Candler

Today, I found out that my boyfriend is afraid of female orgasms. Right as I was about to climax, he panicked, pulled out, and ran into the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 795

You deserved it 3 567

By Anonymous - 17/01/2011 01:28 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were about to have sex for the first time. We are both virgins. After we kissed and I took down my pants, she screamed and said "That THING is going to break me." We never did it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 117

You deserved it 7 030

Girl boss

By dating walter white's gf apparently - 06/04/2013 19:13 - United Kingdom

Today, while going down on my girlfriend, I finally managed to give her an orgasm. During that orgasm, she tore out a clump of my hair, causing me to scream in pain. She scowled and said, "Ah shut it, ya little bitch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 135

You deserved it 13 423

By checkup - 15/07/2012 00:50 - United Kingdom - Redditch

Today, I finally hooked up with the girl of my dreams. We went back to her place, and I explored every inch of her body; luscious lips, hourglass curves, genital warts... The worst part was when she got angry when I refused to continue, shouting, "No wonder you're still a virgin!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 319

You deserved it 5 084

By Anon. - 01/03/2011 23:51 - United States

Today, my girlfriend thought it would be sexy to stick her finger up my ass during sex. I screamed like a little girl and barely managed to finish. Afterward, she said, 'Now you know how it feels.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 620

You deserved it 91 041

Nice way to go, really

By motorboatofdoom - 30/03/2020 05:00

Today, I learned that my girlfriend is terrified of me seeing her sex faces, so she violently squished my face between her boobs during sex. I then had a severe asthma attack because I couldn't breathe properly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 205

You deserved it 305

Show and tell

By Boyufd - 22/04/2020 23:00

Today, it was the first time I was about to have sex with my girlfriend of 3 years, since I'm self-conscious about my size. When she saw it, she started laughing. She was mad I didn't want to continue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 190

You deserved it 316

FML: Uncensored

By Cliché... or Touché? - 03/08/2017 02:00

Today, my girlfriend was giving me head during the horror flick we were watching. Little did I know, my girlfriend isn't a big fan of horror films. It was during a sex scene that intensified the moment. The same sex scene from which emerged a sudden jump-scare. I now have bite marks on my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 872

You deserved it 62 142

afdude87 6

Wednesday 8 June 2011 9:04

sounds like she's immature. probably shouldn't be bangin that kinda drama anyway.

Emmy_The_Great 2

Wednesday 8 June 2011 9:06

I bet the wasp was evilly laughing in the next room.

Comments

That897Guy 0

Monday 11 July 2011 15:13

Calm down... you said "today" and you already had sex once. Maybe she just doesn't want to do it constantly?

chyeaa_bri 12

Friday 15 July 2011 17:55

They all start with "Today", lol.

IamMe95 5

Wednesday 13 July 2011 6:42

where were yhu that there was a wasp?!

lastday27 10

Friday 15 July 2011 3:05

she really doesnt understand

apppiiee 5

Monday 8 August 2011 13:41

FOREVERturnedoff.

bwblackw 2

Tuesday 9 August 2011 18:13

Haha no more sex for you

Holy_ish 19

Thursday 11 August 2011 20:58

lmfao nice bro

prestoned 0

Thursday 25 August 2011 8:45

Shell be bac

raych323 8

Friday 13 January 2012 7:07

I'm just wondering where the wasp came from...

ImTheAlpha 30

Sunday 25 March 2012 0:21

I wouldn't dø that, if my love got scared I'd try to comfort them and chase away whatever they're scared of.

rizzybear 4

Wednesday 4 April 2012 7:13

buy new battaries for her

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