Intimacy: Today, my girlfriend and I were going to get intimate, so I masturbated...

By Anonymous - 14/03/2013 16:59 - Germany - Dortmund

Today, my girlfriend and I were going to get intimate, so I masturbated before leaving my place, hoping it would help me last longer than usual. 10 minutes in, she shoved me off and started screaming at me, convinced that I've been cheating on her and practising with someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 730

You deserved it 10 556

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Same thing different taste

By fuck russia and fuck georgia too - 09/03/2014 18:38 - Azerbaijan

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. She'd walked in on me jerking off, which she said is exactly the same as cheating on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 004

You deserved it 10 361

By SimpleSimon - 01/07/2009 00:14 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to work leaving my girlfriend asleep in my bed. Later she calls me demanding to know how long I've been cheating on her. We don't use condoms but she found several in the bin when she decided to empty it. I had to explain while my colleagues listened that I use them to masturbate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 300

You deserved it 19 721

Time's up

By blueballed - 29/11/2014 21:08 - Germany - Kiel

Today, after a huge fight, my girlfriend started coming onto me. I thought it was actual make-up sex and went along with it. It was great, until she suddenly shoved me off her just as I was almost ready to come. She smugly announced she was dumping me, got dressed, then left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 895

You deserved it 8 269

You sad man

By Anonymous - 13/02/2020 19:00

Today, my girlfriend sent me a revenge video of her having sex with another guy, because I cheated on her. I got angry with her, but later used the video to masturbate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 812

You deserved it 6 992

Sorry

By Anonymous - 23/09/2013 18:06 - United States - Olympia

Today, I walked in on my girlfriend having sex with another man. Her main reaction was to get mad at me for not knocking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 883

You deserved it 5 077

No good

By :(( - 28/09/2013 21:24 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I was all set to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. I was ecstatic, until she threatened to "beat the fuck" out of me if I didn't make it good for her. The actual sex was 30 seconds of me being given death glares, causing me to lose my boner, and have to leave in shame. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 435

You deserved it 8 032

By notsohandy - 03/01/2014 22:08 - Denmark - Hadsten

Today, I woke up to my girlfriend masturbating beside me. I asked if she needed a hand. She called me a pervert and now won't speak to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 946

You deserved it 8 125

Denied

By Anonymous - 30/08/2023 22:00

Today, I started coming on to my girlfriend, only to get a nasty rejection. I told her I would just go jerk off, to which she replied, "Don't you dare!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 514

You deserved it 142

By PerfectBoyfriend - 07/06/2016 16:38 - Belgium - Reet

Today, my girlfriend got pissed because she thought she heard me masturbating in the bathroom. I was brushing my teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 397

You deserved it 1 914

By Anonymous - 18/07/2013 19:01 - Netherlands - Herkenbosch

Today, I tried coming on to my fiancé. He just pushed me off and got out of bed, saying he wasn't in the mood. A half hour later, I caught him jerking off to several windows of porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 476

You deserved it 6 678

Saone_fml 27

Friday 15 March 2013 1:11

So much for trying to please her... Next time she makes dinner, scream at her that she's cheating on you and practicing cooking for someone else.

cuponoodles34 10

Friday 15 March 2013 1:11

does she really trust you so little???

Comments

terjesdottir 5

Saturday 16 March 2013 6:23

What? And why would you think that? I, as a girl, mastrubate all the time while in a relationship, and I certainly hope my boyfriend does it too if he wants to.

Kathts7 12

Saturday 16 March 2013 13:39

Eh... I don't know why you'd ********** before doing her. Of course it sucks if you come as soon as you put it in. But if you last for too long it will probably get unconfortable - and it might even start hurtig her. (At least my girlfriends and I feel this way. A lot of girls don't like it if it takes too long).

LGrey 5

Saturday 16 March 2013 15:56

So her only clue is that you lasted longer than usual before screaming.... Either she's extremely jealous or airing out a guilty conscience.

Hardwarre 7

Saturday 16 March 2013 17:53

Someone's a bit paranoid lol

skinflint 6

Sunday 17 March 2013 4:53

when you are young, shooting one out the chamber before seeing your GF is always a good idea. after the 3rd shot, it doesnt even go down and you can screw forever

adamlawl 6

Sunday 17 March 2013 5:08

You just can't win.

rebelvamp420 14

Sunday 17 March 2013 23:20

I'm actually gonna say your life does suck... And hers has got to be worse If after ONLY 10 mins she was thinking you shoulda been spent... So this shoulda been a FML post by her regarding your performance.

REFF_fml 9

Wednesday 20 March 2013 4:44

At any point did you notice red blood pouring from her ******!?!?

gid189 3

Wednesday 27 March 2013 2:46

Has The Inbetweeners taught you nothing??

shrode65 6

Saturday 30 March 2013 13:09

You do know there's no law against having sex twice. Dump the 1st load quickly, have a glass of wine, then rock it "long time" after 30 minutes. Problem solved.