Miscellaneous: Today, my girlfriend found out you can use food coloring in anything....

By Anonymous - 24/01/2013 01:44 - United States - Waldorf

Today, my girlfriend found out you can use food coloring in anything. Everything she cooks is now in bright neon colors. I feel like I'm in a Dr Seuss book. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 665

You deserved it 6 175

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Same thing different taste

Oh no, the humanity!

By clown head - 24/08/2023 21:00 - United States

Today, I came home to find my girlfriend had dyed her hair a ridiculous bright color. She knows I absolutely fucking despise brightly colored hair on women. FML

I agree, your life sucks 287

You deserved it 1 357

By NAT - 03/01/2016 16:15 - United States - Gaffney

Today, I found out that the reason my soda always tastes funny is because my fiancé likes to mix different flavors together to see if I'll notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 380

You deserved it 2 248

By Anonymous - 21/12/2011 17:47 - United States

Today, my mom was feeling down because of her gray hairs. In an attempt to cheer her up, I suggested that she dye them. Her hair turned orange. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 059

You deserved it 5 556

By spaceforrent - 16/11/2012 05:51 - United States

Today, I came home to find that my girlfriend had repainted my bedroom. As she had offered to do it, it shouldn't have been a problem. However, she decided to return the several unopened cans of off-white paint that I'd bought for something "more neutral." Like "Sunset Orange." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 383

You deserved it 3 016

By Nofoodcoloringisnotasubstituteforfood - 09/12/2013 05:52 - United States - West Bend

Today, my 13-year-old daughter excitedly told me about a new diet she read about online. Apparently, the diet entirely consists of bottled water and a mixture of food coloring. The food coloring "takes care of all that vitamin and mineral stuff." My daughter is an idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 758

You deserved it 7 908

By y00na - 17/08/2018 23:30

Today, I thought it would be fun to tint my hair. An hour later, I resemble a blueberry and it looks like a Smurf exploded in my bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 174

You deserved it 1 173

By Anonymous - 03/03/2014 16:30

Today, my roommate pranked me by putting blue food coloring in the shower head. I have class in 20 minutes and look like a smurf. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 839

You deserved it 4 056

By dulllife - 08/12/2011 07:30 - United States

Today, I noticed we had gotten new colored toothpicks at the restaurant I work at. That was the highlight of my day. Apparently my life has gotten so boring I get excited over colored toothpicks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 534

You deserved it 4 614

By Anonymous - 02/01/2010 13:33 - United States

Today, I went to visit my aunt who recently was released from an institution. She had leftover Christmas cookies so I began snacking on them. They tasted a bit off so I inquired about the ingredients. She told me they only had white icing so she used Crayola markers to give them color. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 627

You deserved it 5 821

By derve - 07/11/2012 23:48 - United States

Today, as my girlfriend and I were finishing up a romantic dinner, she gazed into my eyes for a moment and said, "You know, sometimes you look like a character from Sesame Street." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 228

You deserved it 2 179

joshiepo0 18

Thursday 24 January 2013 9:52

I would not like it Sam I am.

mrbattleman 10

Thursday 24 January 2013 9:52

Sounds fun to me.

Comments

killa_abs 2

Wednesday 6 March 2013 19:23

you guys are real Dr. Seuss fans... all i know is he ryhmed all kinds of shit.

teentee401 36

Wednesday 8 May 2013 4:10

When I was little, my sister and I would make Green Eggs and Ham for breakfast :)

Nederlander95 14

Sunday 20 October 2013 19:49

That' skins of cool actually

ty4nier 16

Tuesday 26 November 2013 23:45

red fish blue fish

orbester 9

Thursday 16 January 2014 4:59

Dude your girlfriend should cool me everything from now until I die cause that sounds epic

Ashlei69 4

Sunday 9 March 2014 8:06

one fish two fish red fish blue fish

wiseKat99 13

Tuesday 29 April 2014 16:48

Haha green eggs and ham!!!

GeorgiaBea 28

Tuesday 29 December 2015 4:30

That is amazing!!! I will only cook with food coloring moving forward.

TheLynx_fml 20

Tuesday 19 January 2016 22:28

And this is a problem because?

MrsHumanFrog 19

Saturday 25 June 2016 13:14

Your kidneys will be beautiful! Lol

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The Top

Today, on my way home from watching a movie with a girl, I began having an erection because I thought I could kiss her goodnight. She dropped me off at home, and with my full blown erection, I walked in front of her car with the headlights on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 434

You deserved it 46 510

Today, I had my first job interview and didn't have much of an appetite because of the nerves, so I grabbed a brownie that my roommate had left in the fridge and ate it on the train ride in to the city. About 20 minutes into my interview, I was so stoned I couldn't speak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 202 699

You deserved it 52 078

The Top

Today, after three weeks of hard work, I finally finished painting my room. Apparently my 6-year-old brother thought I wasn't done and that he should help me out. I now have little red handprints all over my white walls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 314

You deserved it 5 289

Today, I spent my last $50 to get a ticket to take my daughter out for a nice birthday dinner tonight. It wasn't until after I purchased it that I realized the restaurant isn't even open on Mondays. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 917

You deserved it 5 577

Today, I went over to the house of a guy I have hooked up with a few times. After we got done, I asked him why we were not in the room across the hall. He said that was his twin brother's room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 825

You deserved it 1 322

Today, I saw a bat in a cabinet. I slammed the cabinet as hard as I could, which knocked the bat off the door and got its head stuck between the two doors, decapitating it. Its two beady eyes were judging me. I haven't even had my coffee yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 505

You deserved it 1 463

Today, I had the most amazing lesbian sex of my life with this girl I had been crushing on for so long. Today is also the day I became practically homeless, courtesy of my parents, who apparently never heard of knocking before entering. FML

I agree, your life sucks 729

You deserved it 346

Today, it's our 32nd wedding anniversary. Two weeks ago I caught a cold on an airplane. Since I got back, she hasn't kissed or let me touch her. I'm still coughing. She says maybe it's not a cold, maybe it's TB. She's left to stay in a hotel until I get better or die. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 772

You deserved it 179

Same thing different taste

Oh no, the humanity!

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