Intimacy: Today, my girlfriend thought it would be sexy to stick her finger...

By Anon. - 01/03/2011 23:51 - United States

Today, my girlfriend thought it would be sexy to stick her finger up my ass during sex. I screamed like a little girl and barely managed to finish. Afterward, she said, 'Now you know how it feels.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 615

You deserved it 91 024

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Same thing different taste

Finger wagging

By Anonymous - 16/12/2024 14:00 - United States - Edison

Today, my normally-prudish girlfriend grabbed my crotch and said, "I want you to fuck me like I've never been fucked." I obliged. She loved it, until after we'd finished, when she decided that she felt "cheap, gross, and used" and started a huge fight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 288

You deserved it 78

Are you experienced?

By Brax - 30/05/2012 09:46 - United States

Today, my girlfriend stuck her finger up my butt while giving me a hand-job, promising it would feel really good. It just felt awkward and made me need to poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 256

You deserved it 9 422

Girl boss

By dating walter white's gf apparently - 06/04/2013 19:13 - United Kingdom

Today, while going down on my girlfriend, I finally managed to give her an orgasm. During that orgasm, she tore out a clump of my hair, causing me to scream in pain. She scowled and said, "Ah shut it, ya little bitch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 130

You deserved it 13 421

Submission

By Anonymous - 24/11/2019 18:00 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. I thought I'd be spontaneous and spice things up, and gave her a spank across the butt. She started crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 516

You deserved it 1 909

What what?

By Anonymous - 12/04/2022 16:00

Today, my boyfriend stuck his finger in my butt and I liked it, but I can’t ever tell him that or he’ll get that smug look on his face like, “I told you so, let’s have anal now.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 503

You deserved it 1 457

Sensitive snowflake

By onepussytwopussy - 07/03/2014 19:47 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time, and I tried to be sexy by raking my nails down his back. I guess I did it a little too hard, because he shrieked in pain, leapt off me, and limped around the room cursing and whimpering. Mood ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 427

You deserved it 26 493

Really heavy sleeper

By Anonymous - 17/12/2021 01:01 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend revealed that last night she decided to 'test how asleep I was' by putting her finger up my nose as far as she could. Then in my mouth. Then in my ear. Then back in my mouth. I slept through the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 901

You deserved it 144

By Anonymous - 19/06/2012 03:33 - United States

Today, I was getting dirty with my boyfriend. It was the first time he had fingered anyone, and the only thing he said was, "It feels like the inside of my asshole." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 426

You deserved it 4 625

No good

By :(( - 28/09/2013 21:24 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I was all set to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. I was ecstatic, until she threatened to "beat the fuck" out of me if I didn't make it good for her. The actual sex was 30 seconds of me being given death glares, causing me to lose my boner, and have to leave in shame. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 445

You deserved it 8 033

By Anonymous - 24/04/2013 18:56 - United States - Huntington Park

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend for the first time, and she reached down to feel me up. When her hands got there, she stopped and said, "You're not even hard..." I was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 82 468

You deserved it 9 862

diesel42o 0

Wednesday 2 March 2011 8:03

she owned u on that one

sam_stalker 0

Wednesday 2 March 2011 8:04

op she didn't think it was sexy, she did it for revenge >=~}

Comments

chelseaf1 2

Saturday 16 April 2011 18:05

this is what my BFF said to her bf too. they are not together anymore.

Joshua3109 0

Sunday 17 April 2011 3:59

that's hilarious. your girlfriend sounds like a character

sexpleasefml 0

Wednesday 20 April 2011 13:32

i like it in the ****** please...

claiiire_fml 17

Wednesday 27 April 2011 20:54

haha, you got OWNED.

crazydude722 0

Thursday 28 April 2011 21:17

this bring surprise butt sex to whole new level

skinollie 0

Saturday 30 April 2011 23:17

your just bragging

Bgrames 4

Monday 2 May 2011 1:14

that totally sucks

kenziegurl14 0

Wednesday 4 May 2011 4:39

hahah.!! thats awesomee.

skatrgirl96 4

Tuesday 17 May 2011 22:37

thats a sign that she duznt like it up the ass

shortii101 0

Tuesday 31 May 2011 18:38

POW3N

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The Top

Today, I was having dinner at a restaurant with my best friend and her 18-month-old. I really had to fart, so I let one go silently, hoping it would go unnoticed. I caught a whiff of it, but so did my friend apparently, because she made a face and then held up her baby to smell her diaper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 543

You deserved it 1 377

Today, I located my birth dad and asked him why I was put into care. Turns out my mom died, and since he hadn’t wanted me in the first place, he just gave me away and hoped to never see me again. He didn’t even invite me in, he threw a beer at me and threatened to call the cops unless I left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 508

You deserved it 227

The Top

Today, I was singing in the shower but couldn't hit the higher notes. My wife complained and 2 minutes later she ran a tap causing my shower to go freezing. I shrieked. My wife said my pitch was still wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 284

You deserved it 8 865

Today, I found out that conducting CPR and saving a man's life means nothing if you break his ribs. He is suing me for $10,000. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 494

You deserved it 419

Today, my butt decided to delete the 650 photos I had on my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 263

You deserved it 8 132

Today, my dad told me that people requiring psychiatric treatment are just weak and pathetic, and what they really need is a kick up the ass and to get a fucking grip. He told me this not 30 seconds after my doctor recommended I spend some time in a facility for my severe depression. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 188

You deserved it 152

Today, a kid in class kept chatting to his friend, and was made to swap seats. Every time the guy he swapped with moved, the stench from his armpits wafted over. It smelled like nacho cheese crossed with ball sweat. It got so bad that I eventually had to go dry heave in the toilets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 651

You deserved it 3 625

Today, my elderly dad learned how to use Facebook. He now spends most of his time messaging me about his meals, his bowel movements and his foot fungus. He's now learning how to use Skype. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 125

You deserved it 2 420

Same thing different taste

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