Intimacy: Today, my girlfriend told me she didn't want to get it on with... - FML

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By Magnus_the_Red - 09/09/2009 04:13 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend told me she didn't want to get it on with me because she didn't want to "ruin my innocence." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 627

You deserved it 3 987

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Same thing different taste

By beaverless - 02/05/2011 20:26 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend kindly broke the news to me that she doesn't want to take part in any sexual activity anymore because it's getting too boring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 564

You deserved it 17 601

Time is money

By asdfasdf - 24/01/2009 15:14 - Canada

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend said she didn't want to have sex because it takes too long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 235

You deserved it 5 974

By sexisntfun - 30/03/2015 02:13 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was about to lose my virginity to my girlfriend, with whom I am genuinely in love. Right after I'd got the condom on, she said, "You do know this is break-up sex, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 358

You deserved it 3 190

Denied

By Anonymous - 30/08/2023 22:00

Spicy

Today, I started coming on to my girlfriend, only to get a nasty rejection. I told her I would just go jerk off, to which she replied, "Don't you dare!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 546

You deserved it 146

By Anonymous - 26/03/2009 16:36 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend came up to me and told me we would never do anything sexual in our relationship. She said I was too adorable to take seriously in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 137 094

You deserved it 10 552

Finger wagging

By Anonymous - 16/12/2024 14:00 - United States - Edison

Spicy

Today, my normally-prudish girlfriend grabbed my crotch and said, "I want you to fuck me like I've never been fucked." I obliged. She loved it, until after we'd finished, when she decided that she felt "cheap, gross, and used" and started a huge fight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 530

You deserved it 113

By Scorned - 16/09/2018 06:00

Spicy

Today, as things were getting hot with my girlfriend, it came up that I'm a virgin. She broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 875

You deserved it 350

Miscommunication

By Anonymous - 25/10/2012 05:45 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. When she went to give me a blow job, I got embarrassed and told her I'd rather just please her instead. Now she thinks she's inadequate and I'm being a jerk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 730

You deserved it 18 585

By wow - 08/11/2010 18:23 - United States

Spicy

Today, my virgin girlfriend who wanted to lose her virginity to me got on Google, and quizzed me on how to properly put on a condom. She doesn't trust me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 166

You deserved it 8 914

Confusing

By so confused - 09/12/2023 15:00 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend told me she was sexually frustrated. Naturally, I started coming on to her, only for her to shove me away and snap that just because she was sexually frustrated, it didn't mean that she wanted sex. Huh? FML

I agree, your life sucks 479

You deserved it 228

Next

Top comments

WolfieZero 1

Wednesday 9 September 2009 12:11

I think to say "get it on with me" shows you should keep your innocence...

Pastor_Rich 0

Wednesday 9 September 2009 13:09

that means she's banging someone else, run like the wind

Comments

HiImAlex 0

Monday 19 October 2009 18:50

keep your pimp hand strong assert yourself!

butterflyhearts 0

Sunday 23 May 2010 5:32

Dangg well I kinda felt that way when I started thinking seriously about having sex with my current boyfriend. He was a virgin and I wasn't(notice the was :D) so I felt like he should save himself for the right one,but he is sure I'm 'the one' so I guess.... no worries.

charbz 0

Sunday 8 August 2010 8:44

Tell her your **** has been touched by your uncle

atticus41 0

Friday 8 October 2010 22:43

rape her..

varkey 7

Sunday 10 October 2010 3:06

that's a good thing

CaptSkippy 9

Thursday 4 November 2010 11:55

show her ur subscription to ur favorite po rn website

tayyters 4

Thursday 7 July 2011 8:34

do things to show her yr not as innocent as she likes to think ;)

bubo_fml 10

Sunday 5 February 2012 1:15

Find someone else...Guilty as charged!!

knighoffline 3

Wednesday 22 February 2012 7:22

how much innocence does the primarch of the thousand son legion have to lose? or rather, it may be because have nickname which is commonly assiociated with geekiness which causes her to believe that you're innocent? haha

needsagf14 12

Monday 15 April 2013 5:25

Story of my life

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The Top

Today, my boss asked that I add the work of our third coworker's position to my shift because he's never finished his duties. She gave us a 50 cent raise to "babysit" a 60-ish year-old man. I responded to respectfully fire him or pay me 20/hr. His last day is Friday and he doesn't even know yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 358

You deserved it 151

Today, my best friend confronted his girlfriend and I due to rumors of the two of us sleeping together. We had to spend half an hour explaining to him that when we "smash", it's the two of us playing Smash Brothers together at her place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 264

You deserved it 769

The Top

Today, I was to give a business report to several important shareholders. Right at the start, I broke into a coughing fit, then got so nervous that I froze up. When I tried to excuse myself, I tripped over my own feet. I'm now facing demotion for making the company look bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 167

You deserved it 5 669

Today, I felt something wet and warm on my arm. I looked down and saw a kid with his mouth attached to my arm. Didn't expect that out of a third grader. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 628

You deserved it 708

Today, a guy in the library came up to me and said, "You look very unproductive. Just watching you makes me depressed." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 964

You deserved it 4 790

Today, I complimented my girlfriend on her new, very detailed bikini wax. She proudly said, "Thanks! Troy’s been doing them for me since the all the salons have been locked down." Troy is her brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 604

You deserved it 180

Today, I was at a Christmas party when I noticed someone had taken all of the cash I had from out of my wallet. It was a family gathering. I'm related to the culprit but have no idea who it is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 496

You deserved it 3 235

Today, I'm not saying I need to get out a bit more, but the highlight of my week was when I beat my high score on Subway Surfers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 496

You deserved it 256