Intimacy: Today, my hand fell asleep while I was masturbating. My own body...

By Anonymous - 24/01/2017 20:00

Today, my hand fell asleep while I was masturbating. My own body rejected me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 858

You deserved it 1 616

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Same thing different taste

By Lonely - 02/01/2010 10:30 - United States

Today, I fell asleep while masturbating. I'm so bad that I bore myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 425

You deserved it 7 454

iTouch

By lonely girl - 02/07/2013 06:47 - United States - Oregon City

Today, I got angry after not being able to have an orgasm. What was I angry at? My own hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 381

You deserved it 22 820

Overdoing it a bit

By Anonymous - 12/11/2022 16:00

Today, I masturbated so hard I got a cramp in my forearm muscle so unexpectedly that my hand spasmed, slipped off my penis, and I punched myself in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 431

You deserved it 1 179

Rejection erection

By paidback - 25/12/2009 01:10 - United States

Today, I rejected my wife for sex. She then started to masturbate next to me. I got an erection. She then rejected me for sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 667

You deserved it 83 349

Cranking

By Lonely Wanker - 26/02/2021 23:00

Today, I started to cry while masturbating. This isn't the first time that this has happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 932

You deserved it 374

By masterfail - 04/10/2009 05:04 - United States

Today, I woke up after a heavy night of drinking, with my laptop dead on my chest. Apparently, I had attempted a bit of digital penile oscillation, but passed out instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 489

You deserved it 19 823

By 44haley44 - 12/07/2011 17:25 - United States

Today, I woke up to my pants off and my vibrator still on. I fell asleep masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 753

You deserved it 57 265

Gimme the D

By Anonymous - 07/02/2024 11:00 - United States - Citrus Heights

Today, I wanted to have sex with my boyfriend, but he kept falling asleep while I was giving him a handjob. Ugh, no sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 319

You deserved it 260

By Amy - 10/05/2012 19:14 - Canada - Prince George

Today, I woke up, only to find my arm was still asleep. I tried to move it just a tiny bit, but somehow ended up punching myself in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 043

You deserved it 5 237

Repetitive

By justgreat - 24/03/2012 02:30 - United States - Opa Locka

Today, my girlfriend fell asleep while giving me head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 602

You deserved it 6 222

wanted_2_want 40

Tuesday 24 January 2017 20:09

Did it ask you "is it in yet"??

RichardPencil 30

Tuesday 24 January 2017 20:11

You do have another one, or would that be cheating?

Comments

gosh_mate 30

Wednesday 25 January 2017 10:20

Did it then feel like someone else's hand was doing it?

randomusername00 5

Wednesday 25 January 2017 23:24

I guess you didn't see that one coming

player69badboy 0

Thursday 26 January 2017 1:52

You need some lessons ???

daveshira 3

Thursday 26 January 2017 8:49

If you intentionally sit on your hand until it falls asleep, then it'll feel like someone else. You're welcone

LokiLynx 1

Monday 6 February 2017 0:55

After 10 times in 1 day I'd also say no ?

LokiLynx 1

Monday 6 February 2017 0:55

After 10 times in 1 day I'd also say no ?

wickedgetz 30

Friday 28 April 2017 20:24

did you do it properly?

wtfmldude 5

Monday 24 July 2017 6:31

''I cant feel my dick.'' *mom walks by* ''I meant hand. Well Shit.''

Keywords

Poopoo peepee Embarrassing Love Miscellaneous Romantic Christmas Break-ups Annoying Money Gross Argument Ironic Awkward Friends Cute Haircut Lonely Holidays Relatable Work Bosses Capitalism Cars You're fired Covid Health Cheating Jealousy Parenting Kids

The Top

Today, I was driving without my seatbelt on, when I noticed a police car approaching. I panicked and desperately fumbled around for my seatbelt, only for them to pass by with just a funny look. Then it hit me that I was riding my motorcycle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 551

You deserved it 49 635

Today, while I was mid-act with my girlfriend, my mom unlocked my bedroom door and came in shaking maracas. She then handed them to my very shocked girlfriend and told her these were the "Busted maracas" and directed her to pass them along accordingly. Well, at least our first time was memorable… FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 442

You deserved it 365

The Top

Today, I sneezed so hard that I re-dislocated my shoulder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 917

You deserved it 1 817

Today, I learned my boyfriend has been going to our attractive female next door neighbor’s house without telling me while I'm at work. He claims it’s “because her house has AC and we don’t." FML

I agree, your life sucks 467

You deserved it 135

Today, I accidentally bought chicken fingers. I couldn't even make it two days as a vegetarian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 296

You deserved it 960

Today, I got yelled at by my dad again for being inside so much instead of outside doing stuff. We are still in a lockdown and are not allowed to leave the house unless its for work or to go to the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 899

You deserved it 120

Today, in preparation for a presentation at work, I decided to take a handful of vitamins to fight my cold. As I was putting the bottles away, I noticed one of them was a laxative. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 790

You deserved it 35 331

Today, I was having an intimate moment with my detachable shower head. I opened my eyes to find my husband of 4 months looking down on me. The only thing he said was, "You too?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 168

You deserved it 25 251