Miscellaneous: Today, my husband and kids celebrated my 50th birthday. I turned... - FML

By Anonymous - 22/07/2009 11:29 - Netherlands

Today, my husband and kids celebrated my 50th birthday. I turned 47. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 774

You deserved it 3 825

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Short Queen

By Anonymous - 14/08/2024 10:00 - United States - Lafayette

Today, it's my 36th birthday. My boyfriend and I celebrated with a big group of our friends, our families, and their kids. Everyone there was taller than me, including my friend's 10 year-old son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 339

You deserved it 111

By Chakkamofo - 01/02/2009 22:47 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. My wife gave me a card that read, "You made it to 36!" It's my 35th birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 009

You deserved it 2 455

By rene - 22/08/2011 16:46 - United States

Today, it was my birthday, and my kids gave me my car keys I had "lost" a week ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 876

You deserved it 3 368

By Anonymous - 19/11/2015 14:52 - United States - San Francisco

Today, it's my 30th birthday. My husband came home with a big case of beer for himself, then told me he didn't have time to get me a present because of work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 659

You deserved it 2 028

By you would - 04/03/2009 05:15 - United States

Today, my wife told me that she wanted a divorce. It is also my 39th birthday today. For my birthday present, she gave me a subscription to match.com. FML

I agree, your life sucks 140 978

You deserved it 7 662

By Jeri - 12/02/2010 08:41 - United States

Today, the day of my 29th birthday and two weeks after our 10th wedding anniversary, the only thing my husband got me for my birthday was divorce papers. Happy birthday, bitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 661

You deserved it 4 948

Party!

By kelkline - 31/08/2009 16:45 - United States

Today, my friend got a babysitter for the kids and told me she was taking me to a party. My son told me his band was playing at a party. I will be 40 tomorrow, so I thought this would be the best surprise birthday party ever. It WAS a surprise birthday party – for a friend of ours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 083

You deserved it 3 533

It's the thought that counts

By Not a day over 35 - 18/06/2013 13:06 - United States - Anchorage

Today, I turned 29. To celebrate, my office got me a cake that read "Happy 38th!!" The "theme" of the "party" was 'Not a day over 35!' I waited all day for someone to tell me it was all a prank, but nobody did. I spent my lunch hour crying in my car. Happy birthday to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 687

You deserved it 5 833

By Birthday blues - 13/12/2018 22:00

Today, it's my birthday. I lit my birthday candles on the cake I made myself and blew them out alone, while my worthless husband sat on the couch stuffing Doritos in his face. My present? He sprayed Lysol in the bathroom after he took a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 037

You deserved it 601

Who are you?

By Boyufd - 19/06/2021 00:01

Today, it was my birthday. Also today, same as the past five years, my family forgot my mine and threw a party for my 5-year-old twin sisters who I share a birthday with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 075

You deserved it 94

Next

Top comments

kira1kira 0

Wednesday 22 July 2009 21:17

dad:kids, tommorow is your mom's birthday! kid: how old is she? dad: .... other kid: she looks, like, 50. kid: yea let's go with that. dad: ok, sounds good

L0veh8te 0

Wednesday 22 July 2009 20:24

Happy 50th Bday

Comments

meganpaige 0

Sunday 31 October 2010 14:37

close enough.

rawrimmacupcake 0

Sunday 19 December 2010 19:35

now thats sad. your own family dosnt know your age. FYL

alex6946 10

Friday 17 June 2011 20:00

close enough.

auntycj 0

Saturday 31 March 2012 12:42

They're just so excited that it's only 3 years away!

lenor_fml 7

Monday 13 August 2012 7:06

Perhaps you're in denial...

neonstud 0

Thursday 23 August 2012 10:09

Oh awkward...

KociaQ 30

Tuesday 26 March 2013 18:37

Well, apparently your sense of humor is that of a 65+ grumpy lady...

_Heisenberg__ 15

Saturday 9 November 2013 23:02

Time for some Botox?

skychu 18

Thursday 4 September 2014 9:20

Yes, you turned 47, *wink wink, nudge nudge*

fantasyworld 37

Saturday 13 December 2014 3:22

Happy birthday!

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, I attended a cooking class with my co-workers. As the chef prepared to cut up a load of onions for his dish, he warned us to be ready for the "typical reactions". Everyone teared up. Meanwhile, I popped a boner. So much for typical. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 318

You deserved it 9 464

Today, at work at an OB office, I heard a ruckus in the hallway before a very large woman burst into my room and tried to attack my very pregnant patient. Crazy lady is the wife of the pregnant lady’s baby daddy, who is nowhere to be found. I don’t get paid enough for this shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 499

You deserved it 64

The Top

Today, I broke my own no contact rule with my ex, begging him to come back. He simply replied, "Stop begging. It's over." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59

You deserved it 814

Today, my boyfriend and I got into an argument over whether Prince actually appeared in an episode of New Girl. He refused to believe me, saying it was "too weird". I had to find the specific episode to show him. He then said, "Are you sure that's really Prince?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 843

You deserved it 171

Today, I went to hand in a resume. The secretary happened to be a girl I liked in high school. When leaving, I shook hands with the employer, waved goodbye to the girl, turned around and walked straight into a glass wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 135

You deserved it 6 578

Today, after weeks of coming home to find my furniture all tipped over, thinking the place was haunted, and accepting my boyfriend's offers to come over and "comfort" me, I came home from work early. I found my boyfriend in the kitchen, kicking over all the chairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 781

You deserved it 8 672

Today, I went to visit my senile grandma, since she's ill and nobody else in the family visits her. I ended up having to sit through a long rant about the Illuminati, black people, and how we'd have a cure for the common cold already if it weren't for "those god damned foreigners". FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 354

You deserved it 2 454

Today, I attempted to threaten my daughter's boyfriend to keep him from breaking her heart. I'm a 230-pound former soldier. He's a karate black belt. My family watched me get beat up by a 120-pound teenager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 342

You deserved it 7 931