Love: Today, my husband is completely convinced that his taking a massive...

By Anonymous - 08/01/2010 16:32 - United States

Today, my husband is completely convinced that his taking a massive dump after being constipated is exactly like the time I gave birth to our twins. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 272

You deserved it 4 488

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Same thing different taste

By ugh - 03/09/2013 23:53 - United States - Lancaster

Today, I ended up taking a massive dump after being constipated for a while. I thought I was alone, so I pretended I was giving birth to my turd, and let out all kinds of sound effects. Next thing I know, I hear a knock at the door and my mom asking, "Should I call 911?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 765

You deserved it 40 919

By Terri-Lynn - 30/05/2012 20:25 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I figured out why my doctor repeatedly warned me to keep regular bowel movements while I recover from childbirth. I now have an anal fissure. It's like giving birth all over again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 777

You deserved it 4 423

Hilarious

By Anonymous - 01/02/2012 20:21 - United States

Today, my morning sickness has been so bad that my husband's farts send me running to the bathroom. He thinks it's hilarious, and has been following me around all day trying to crack one off in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 281

You deserved it 4 015

By Anonymous - 21/06/2012 17:43 - Canada - Toronto

Today, after having been constipated for ages, I finally forced out a week's worth of build-up. The excruciating pain reduced me to tears, and my boyfriend refused to drive me to the hospital, because according to him, I must have had anal sex with someone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 816

You deserved it 3 070

Plumbing issues

By Anonymous - 27/08/2021 04:01 - Denmark - Viby

Today, I'm constipated AND having diarrhea at the same time. It feels like I'm going to explode. FML

I agree, your life sucks 820

You deserved it 75

By Mary - 10/07/2011 12:49 - United States

Today, my husband decided he needs to be thanked after every time he changes our daughter's diaper; if not he throws a temper tantrum. Now I have two babies to deal with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 339

You deserved it 6 825

Guts of steel

By Anonymous - 25/07/2023 12:00

Today, my husband and I shared a chinese prawn dinner. I now have the most violent shits I’ve ever experienced in my life. He is completely fine and keeps rubbing it in my face by being able to eat his meals without throwing them up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 673

You deserved it 133

Natural birth

By Anonymous - 12/08/2021 04:01

Today, during labor, I farted every time I pushed with very deep sounds. I was so ashamed. I pushed so hard, I pooped and splashed the nurse in front of me right in the face. Everyone stopped laughing and the nurse didn’t talk until baby came. When my husband called my in-laws, it’s the first thing he told them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 448

You deserved it 161

The joys of motherhood

By Bear - 24/05/2022 00:01

Today, I've had such bad constipation during my fourth pregnancy that I have now had to manually scoop the poop out of my ass to get things moving again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 017

You deserved it 168

By Vitani_Verci - 15/01/2016 06:57

Today, one of the kids at the daycare center I work at was so excited at the fact that his constipation was over, he felt the need to bring me his fecal matter, in his hands, to show me. Guess who had to clean up the aftermath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 965

You deserved it 1 780

snafu57 1

Friday 8 January 2010 20:31

tell him to shit two bowling balls and then come back and report

shenanighenz 0

Friday 8 January 2010 20:03

Sometimes when I get really gassy and take a bad poop it gives me flashbacks to giving birth. So I don't think he's that far off.

Comments

CYNNER 0

Friday 8 January 2010 20:24

almost there... i think i see it! its a boy!

snafu57 1

Friday 8 January 2010 20:31

tell him to shit two bowling balls and then come back and report

CallMeHush 0

Friday 8 January 2010 20:32

His touch hole spreads to the size of a babys head? The two of you must be up to some crazy shit that stretched out... Impressive.

fanficbug 1

Thursday 14 January 2010 3:21

No, it does not. A woman's ****** stretches out during childbirth. However (as has been mentioned above), in something like 80% of all vaginal births, the woman's ****** tears.

DragonFly_Jones 0

Sunday 31 October 2010 3:45

Lol!

razorp 0

Friday 8 January 2010 20:44

it is the same

johnw11 0

Friday 8 January 2010 20:48

Hes right shutup and make him a sandwhich

jinildsl 0

Friday 8 January 2010 20:52

Was he constipated for nine months? : P

ColdGold 6

Friday 8 January 2010 22:50

He didn't take a dump for nine months?

polico_wolf 0

Saturday 9 January 2010 23:12

Does a woman spend 9 months having a baby?

MarineCorpWife 0

Friday 8 January 2010 20:55

I don't think anyone has taken a 7 pound crap. Can't see how they can compare the two.

boatkicker 4

Friday 8 January 2010 20:58

Not just a single seven pound crap, but two of them.

lostfaithinpppl 19

Friday 8 January 2010 21:01

You married a moron.

skyeyez9 24

Friday 8 January 2010 21:02

If his turd was the circumference if a baby's skull, and his ass tore from the wide exit. Then and only then can he compare birth to ********.

deoxylophone 0

Friday 8 January 2010 22:32

and if it took him 12 hours

Intoxicunt 5

Friday 8 January 2010 22:38

12? Wow, my mom's labor (natural, the best way) was 48 hours. >_>

boatkicker 4

Friday 8 January 2010 22:51

My mothers labor with me was no more than 8 hours. Cant remember what time she actually went into labor though. Around dinner time and I was born at 11:59. Her labor was even shorter than that with my next sister. Her third child was around maybe 14 hours or so though.