This is a Nearly FML. It’s an FML, nearly. It got positive votes from the users, by wasn’t approved by our team.

By Whatajoke - 29/12/2018 05:00 - United States - Portland

Today, my husband said I was wrong for asking him to remove a girl off his Facebook who he went on severals dates with. I only asked him to do that when he said he was keeping her to spare her feelings, and wouldn’t delete her if I ever expressed unease. He doesn’t see that as putting her first. FML
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Top comments

A Frenchy in Eire 31

Frankly, I really don't see the point of asking him to remove her from his friend list. I'm married and it wouldn't cross my mind to do so, even if I was having doubt about my husband's relationship with that person. My potential insecurities shouldn't dictate his friendships. Besides, I think it's pointless to ask your partner to stop seeing or talking to someone. If someone wants to cheat or have an emotional affair, they will do it. There is nothing you can do to prevent it. The intention is anyway almost as bad as the act itself.

28 5
Rabite 28

"My potential insecurities shouldn't dictate his friendships." Well the insecurities of some random woman shouldn't dictate his marriage.

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Comments

RinoaHeartilly 36

Sounds like he's starting to stray at least emotionally. Maybe try getting him to go to a counselor?

17 4
A Frenchy in Eire 31

Frankly, I really don't see the point of asking him to remove her from his friend list. I'm married and it wouldn't cross my mind to do so, even if I was having doubt about my husband's relationship with that person. My potential insecurities shouldn't dictate his friendships. Besides, I think it's pointless to ask your partner to stop seeing or talking to someone. If someone wants to cheat or have an emotional affair, they will do it. There is nothing you can do to prevent it. The intention is anyway almost as bad as the act itself.

28 5
Rabite 28

"My potential insecurities shouldn't dictate his friendships." Well the insecurities of some random woman shouldn't dictate his marriage.

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julfunky 29

I don’t see a problem with what he said. He made it clear he wasn’t romantically interested and that it is HIS decision to be friends with whoever he wants to be friends with, not yours. You’re the one who interpreted that as “choosing her over you.” Maybe that’s just me. But personally, I don’t appreciate any partner who tries to say who I can and can’t be friends with. It has nothing to do with choosing one over the other.

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Rabite 28

But they are not even friends. It makes a big difference if he says that he is friends with her or if he doesn't want to delete her from some stupid website to spare her feelings. Or he is lying about their kind of relationship which is equally as bad.

8 0
Sinshine 28

That doesn't change the fact that his wife doesn't have any right to tell him who he wants on his friend list. At that point, I'd keep the other person more to make a point than because I want to.

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JaLeah Pittman 8

In a way I agree with you, that's not fair, BUT it isn't that she's just a friend. She is someone he was romantically interested in before he got married, as well the fact she only asked him that because he said he was keeping her around because he feels bad for her. It doesn't even seem like they're actually friends at all, or at the very least it doesn't sound like HE considers her to be a friend so I also don't see what the problem is with her asking that.

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Sinshine 28

Yes he was with her. In the past, before he married another woman. I understand that it might be bothersome but she still can't tell him who to delete and who to keep. The part about only asking because he said he wouldn't delete her just totems it into a tug of war situation where she's trying to win some kind of power battle over something that apparently didn't bother her before. Either way, OP isn't right to demand of him to delete someone just because they had something some time in the past when they're apparently not even talking.

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maroongrad 13

I have an ex on facebook for pretty much the same reason. He's got a terminal illness and very few friends and he'd be hurt to find out I'd take the trouble to unfriend him. I don't follow him, we don't contact each other, the name is just floating down in my friends list. Hubby knows and doesn't care in the slightest. But leaving it there keeps me from throwing even a little more pain his way, so I do. *IF* he is not contacting her, messaging her, etc. then relax and be glad you have a thoughtful man with a good heart. You keep berating him for being nice and you'll either lose him or end up with him being less nice. *IF* he IS contacting her, messaging with her, sending pix, whatever, you totally have a right to complain. Loudly. Angrily. And to demand he unfriend her and not contact her. But you didn't mention any of that, so you just come off as controlling and insensitive. I hope that's not the case. My husband didn't even bat an eye when I told him. He knows who I am and that I try to be a good person and considerate of others, and this didn't even cross his radar as a concern.

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Sinshine 28

No! If he's talking to her, that's up to him. She doesn't have the right to complain and certainly not angrily or loudly. You can be friends with an ex without cheating on your new partner. If he were to engage in more than friendship, yes she would have any right to be pissed but them just talking wouldn't be any reason to get in his face at all. What she can do is calmly let him know she not entirely comfortable with them being friends, in an unaccusatory way. And he would still have any right to say "I understand that but this is my friend and I want to keep that friend for whatever reason". Being married doesn't mean you have to let yourself be remote controlled.

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nrvanagrl 6

You’re causing drama where there isn’t any.

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childlessmother 16

My husband had an old friend on Facebook I was not comfortable about her. One day he told me he was going to the store that same day she tagged him in a picture. No he wasn’t there caused all kinds of drama I told him if he wanted her take her because I’m not dealing with a cheater. He then showed me all correspondence that had nothing to do with it asked her why she tagged him if he was not there and then deleted her. He said his marriage is more important than some old friend

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clair_brodie 35

What you are basically saying is you do not trust your husband by asking him to do that.

1 0
bl3ur0z3 17

Idk what caused you to give a damn about some random girl on his Facebook, but maybe you have reason to be insecure considering he's now putting her before you. From you bring insecure before you had a reason to him giving you a reason, I'd say this is not a healthy marriage. Of course, I only have this interaction to base that on so maybe you should talk to him about putting his spouse first and promise not to obsess over randos on social media. Maybe this is salvageable.

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