Kids: Today, my kids decided putting laxatives in my coffee would loosen...

By burn - 01/08/2011 20:05 - United States

Today, my kids decided putting laxatives in my coffee would loosen me up and calm my nerves. I have a 3 hour long meeting soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 972

You deserved it 3 503

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Same thing different taste

By Username - 30/04/2011 04:49 - United States

Today, I was cruising with a coworker and his friend, and I started getting tired. His friend offered me a caffeine pill. It wasn't caffeine. It was laxatives. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 136

You deserved it 7 968

Hot lava

By Anonymous - 02/10/2022 15:00

Today, after not having coffee for ages, I finally remembered why I stopped drinking it. I literally just shit my pants, and I’m about to start a ten-hour day with 27 fifth graders. FML

I agree, your life sucks 906

You deserved it 281

By sofakingweetodit - 18/10/2010 12:44 - United States

Today, in preparation for a presentation at work, I decided to take a handful of vitamins to fight my cold. As I was putting the bottles away, I noticed one of them was a laxative. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 790

You deserved it 35 331

By KitKat20 - 18/10/2016 13:05 - United States - Fargo

Today, I got up early for a doctor's appointment and chugged two cups of coffee. Ten minutes before I was supposed to leave, my doctor calls asking to reschedule, which would have been fine had I not cleared my whole day for this appointment. Now I'm too wired to go back to bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 362

You deserved it 1 544

Stuck

By Anonymous - 09/08/2022 10:00 - Australia

Today, I had to take a laxative for the first time. Instead of working gently overnight like it promised, I woke up at 3 a.m. to an unrelenting river of shit that made my legs numb on the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 037

You deserved it 157

Slid right out

By Tabby Rosas - 21/02/2021 21:30

Today, after 8 days of being on a medication that makes it hard to go to the bathroom and no luck taking laxatives and drinking coffee and apple juice, I finally got to go. Too bad I was at my desk at work when it happened. I washed out my pants in the bathroom and got to sit in wet pants for 4 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 117

You deserved it 86

By Anonymous - 16/04/2013 23:13 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was given a powerful laxative to clear me out. I can't go to the bathroom because the four guests of my sleeping roommate are all sitting in dead silence against the paper-thin bathroom wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 529

You deserved it 4 032

By eminem blows cock - 15/06/2012 16:41 - Ireland - Kilflynn

Today, after having stayed up all night studying, all the coffee I'd drank to keep me awake hit my gut with a vengeance. I ended up missing two exams because I was emptying my bowels into the toilet all morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 300

You deserved it 9 750

The struggle is real

By WiredUp - 21/08/2020 13:05 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my step-kids proudly announced that their mum lets them drink coffee at her house. They both have ADD and I've been struggling for months to get them to eat right. Hello futility. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 406

You deserved it 183

Bad day

By it hurts!! - 29/05/2023 21:00 - United States

Today, I double checked with the barista to make sure my latte had soy milk. After a few sips, I could tell it wasn’t but it was too late. I’m so sensitive to dairy, I spent the rest of my work day trying to stifle the gut busting cramps and noxious fumes. I had a meeting I couldn’t reschedule. FML

I agree, your life sucks 910

You deserved it 164

saIty 17

Monday 1 August 2011 23:02

Just let it all out during the meeting. They like it when people express themselves.

mrfunbun01 1

Monday 1 August 2011 23:02

Put lax in their food next time you make them dinner.

Comments

cm102 3

Monday 1 August 2011 23:38

Why do your kids know how to get to the lax

shes_electric 7

Monday 1 August 2011 23:39

Hahaa, your kids are hilarious :)

Troy_K 7

Monday 1 August 2011 23:55

Honestly, just tell the truth? What are they going to do, fire you for ********?

sweetheartxoxo88 7

Tuesday 2 August 2011 0:00

You should take a poo in their bedroom and tell them "Shit happens!"

WankersCramp 0

Tuesday 2 August 2011 0:11

I saw this post months ago. it was in the highest rated section. WTF!

HomeAl0ne 20

Tuesday 2 August 2011 0:18

Does your setup support streaming video? You're going to need it...

ZRainey54 0

Tuesday 2 August 2011 0:30

I'm pooping right now

Person1233 12

Tuesday 2 August 2011 0:46

SITTIN ON THA TOILET...

BlueBug94 4

Tuesday 2 August 2011 8:46

that's gross.

MsJoyfull 4

Tuesday 2 August 2011 0:31

Sell your kids, to Martha Stewart. The pays shit but lots of hours.

levietlinh 0

Tuesday 2 August 2011 0:35

Well, shit happens. Literally :D

Stevefett 0

Tuesday 2 August 2011 0:58

Bring toilet paper.

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The Top

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Today, I found my favorite stuffed animal I had as a child in the trash bin. I took it out to find that it felt wet and smelt funny. Apparently, my younger brother cut a hole in the butt of it and used it to masturbate. FML

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Today, I decided to be a good driver and not run through the yellow light. As soon as I stopped my car another came and rear-ended me. The guy told me to go in the parking lot so we can exchange information. So I drove into the parking lot, I turned my head and watched him drive away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 589

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