Kids: Today, my kids decided putting laxatives in my coffee would loosen... - FML

By burn - 01/08/2011 20:05 - United States

Today, my kids decided putting laxatives in my coffee would loosen me up and calm my nerves. I have a 3 hour long meeting soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 967

You deserved it 3 503

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Same thing different taste

By Username - 30/04/2011 04:49 - United States

Today, I was cruising with a coworker and his friend, and I started getting tired. His friend offered me a caffeine pill. It wasn't caffeine. It was laxatives. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 132

You deserved it 7 968

Hot lava

By Anonymous - 02/10/2022 15:00

Today, after not having coffee for ages, I finally remembered why I stopped drinking it. I literally just shit my pants, and I’m about to start a ten-hour day with 27 fifth graders. FML

I agree, your life sucks 905

You deserved it 280

By sofakingweetodit - 18/10/2010 12:44 - United States

Today, in preparation for a presentation at work, I decided to take a handful of vitamins to fight my cold. As I was putting the bottles away, I noticed one of them was a laxative. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 789

You deserved it 35 324

By KitKat20 - 18/10/2016 13:05 - United States - Fargo

Today, I got up early for a doctor's appointment and chugged two cups of coffee. Ten minutes before I was supposed to leave, my doctor calls asking to reschedule, which would have been fine had I not cleared my whole day for this appointment. Now I'm too wired to go back to bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 358

You deserved it 1 544

Stuck

By Anonymous - 09/08/2022 10:00 - Australia

Today, I had to take a laxative for the first time. Instead of working gently overnight like it promised, I woke up at 3 a.m. to an unrelenting river of shit that made my legs numb on the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 031

You deserved it 156

Slid right out

By Tabby Rosas - 21/02/2021 21:30

Today, after 8 days of being on a medication that makes it hard to go to the bathroom and no luck taking laxatives and drinking coffee and apple juice, I finally got to go. Too bad I was at my desk at work when it happened. I washed out my pants in the bathroom and got to sit in wet pants for 4 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 114

You deserved it 86

By Anonymous - 16/04/2013 23:13 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was given a powerful laxative to clear me out. I can't go to the bathroom because the four guests of my sleeping roommate are all sitting in dead silence against the paper-thin bathroom wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 524

You deserved it 4 032

By eminem blows cock - 15/06/2012 16:41 - Ireland - Kilflynn

Today, after having stayed up all night studying, all the coffee I'd drank to keep me awake hit my gut with a vengeance. I ended up missing two exams because I was emptying my bowels into the toilet all morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 299

You deserved it 9 748

The struggle is real

By WiredUp - 21/08/2020 13:05 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my step-kids proudly announced that their mum lets them drink coffee at her house. They both have ADD and I've been struggling for months to get them to eat right. Hello futility. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 402

You deserved it 178

Bad day

By it hurts!! - 29/05/2023 21:00 - United States

Today, I double checked with the barista to make sure my latte had soy milk. After a few sips, I could tell it wasn’t but it was too late. I’m so sensitive to dairy, I spent the rest of my work day trying to stifle the gut busting cramps and noxious fumes. I had a meeting I couldn’t reschedule. FML

I agree, your life sucks 907

You deserved it 163

Next

Top comments

saIty 17

Monday 1 August 2011 23:02

Just let it all out during the meeting. They like it when people express themselves.

mrfunbun01 1

Monday 1 August 2011 23:02

Put lax in their food next time you make them dinner.

Comments

Flags4life 4

Tuesday 2 August 2011 3:45

takepepto

docscientist 9

Tuesday 2 August 2011 4:10

They just got confused with relaxatives.

Ikshi 0

Tuesday 2 August 2011 5:30

Three step solution. 1: take a long runny shit. 2: take a stool hardener. 3: pray to god!

TheTwistedOtaku 16

Tuesday 2 August 2011 6:11

It's the thought that counts. :)

Jellybeanastrid 3

Tuesday 2 August 2011 7:10

At least it wasnt visine...

aPieceOfFruit 16

Tuesday 2 August 2011 7:14

that sucks. you must be sh!tting yourself :D

kakashigf123 0

Tuesday 2 August 2011 8:18

I'm srry hunny but u need 2 beat the living hell out of ur kids cause that shit ain't right I don't give a **** if that doesnt sound right they need an asswoopin to set them straight

BlueBug94 4

Tuesday 2 August 2011 8:49

You seem angry.

moninbg 8

Tuesday 2 August 2011 8:28

Pranks can be bad, but what really sucks is when people do bad things, all the while meaning well...

moninbg 8

Tuesday 2 August 2011 8:30

Pranks can be nasty, but what really sucks is when people do bad things, while meaning well ... It makes it so much harder to get properly mad at them

sandmancometh 3

Tuesday 2 August 2011 10:50

Uhhh not any more...

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Keywords

Surprise Love Cute Awkward My ex Texting Intimacy Sex Wanker Mental health Health Insomnia Sleep Food Cooking Kids Parents Weekend Pranks Annoying Miscellaneous Work Embarrassing Technology Coworkers Zoom Roommate Argument Pizza Animals

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Today, I got stuck in a small elevator. It started to violently judder up and down after I pressed the 'Help' buzzer. The man on the intercom wouldn't stop laughing at how my voice was jumpy from the juddering movements before he called for help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 019

You deserved it 2 917

Today, my girlfriend decided to try swallowing instead of spitting. Now this was entirely her own idea, I never asked her to try, and yet when she gagged, vomited, and sneezed so it all came dribbling out of her nose, somehow it was all my fault because I’m "disgusting." I love you too, Sweetie. FML

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The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 533

You deserved it 123

Today, I threw up after drinking a smoothie my mother made me. She then called me "ungrateful" and "immature" for not liking what she spent a long time making for me. I later found out that not only did she use expired yogurt, it was also a mango smoothie, which I'm allergic to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 729

You deserved it 1 823

Today, I spent hours playing my guitar and singing in the street, hoping to make some extra cash. About 3 hours in, I realized some punk had been walking around with a hat taking money as if he was with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 959

You deserved it 5 737

Today, I was feeling frisky and asked my boyfriend if he wanted a blowjob. He said, "Fuck no", then rolled over to go to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 277

You deserved it 9 628

Today, I took my 4-year-old daughter to the local pool for swim lessons. As we walked onto the deck she turned to me and said "Mom, that lady has really big boobs!" The whole pool heard, even the man my daughter was referring to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 499

You deserved it 5 137

Today, I found out that my parents have always believed that every single time I have ever showed emotion, I was faking it and that I'm actually a sociopath with no feelings. I was kicked out of the theater department at my college for my poor acting skills, and they know it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 133

You deserved it 118