Kids: Today, my mum yelled "Son of a bitch!" as I narrowly beat her...

By Anonymous - 05/11/2014 19:52 - Australia - Hawthorn

Today, my mum yelled "Son of a bitch!" as I narrowly beat her at a game of Mario Kart. I jokingly yelled back "Hell yeah I am!" Now I'm grounded for two weeks, birthday included, all because my mum's a sore loser. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 160

You deserved it 10 227

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Same thing different taste

By goodbye cruel world - 01/12/2012 01:28 - United States - Chula Vista

Today, my dad grounded me for two weeks for profusely swearing at my misbehaving laptop. After some arguing, he actually accepted my half-joking offer to play a game of CoD over it. His condition was that if I lost, my grounding period would double. We played. He kicked my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 043

You deserved it 34 667

Ironic, isn't it?

By KC. - 25/04/2012 20:06 - United Kingdom - Cambridge

Today, I got into an argument with my mother, when she snapped and called me a son of a bitch. I said that made no sense, because I'm a girl, and it'd only really confirm that she's a bitch. She then grounded me for insulting her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 494

You deserved it 8 746

Double standards

By Anonymous - 21/02/2013 18:45 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my bus got held up in traffic, so I arrived home about 15 minutes late. My mum bitched me out, accused me of sleeping around, and grounded me. All this while my brother raged at his video game in the other room, screaming stuff such as "EAT SHIT, YOU CUNTS!" with total impunity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 679

You deserved it 2 679

You OK hon?

By religiunatic - 13/12/2013 17:09 - Canada - Keswick

Today, my normally very modest and prissy mom came home, pissed off about something. I asked her what was wrong, but she wouldn't say, and snapped at me to "fuck off". She then grounded me for "making" her use that kind of "vile language". FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 822

You deserved it 3 129

By Toaster - 30/07/2009 15:11 - United States

Today, my 8 year old little sister said "f you" to my mom. My mom thought I told her to say that and grounded me for a month. Later, my sister came up to me and said "Gotcha, bitch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 700

You deserved it 4 142

By Anonymous - 31/07/2016 14:19

Today, I got punched in the face after I beat my stepbrother at Mario Kart. I didn't really get hurt, but he managed to break a finger. My stepmom blamed the whole thing on me, accusing me of being violent and a bad influence on her son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 985

You deserved it 882

By dadyoureacunt - 21/09/2013 13:10 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, my dad made a big show of sending me to my room and grounding me for a week. Not because he heard me cursing at my video game, but because I "swear like a little girl" and it embarrassed him in front of his friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 522

You deserved it 7 464

Domestic

By Anonymous - 16/12/2022 15:00

Today, my mom tried to ground me, even though I moved into my own flat to escape her. I told her 'my flat, my rules' so she tried to confiscate my Xbox because 'she’s the boss of me.' The look on her face as the cops took her away was worth the shouting match we’ll have when she makes bail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 880

You deserved it 178

Mario Kart is serious business

By Anonymous - 25/08/2014 05:44 - United States - Bowling Green

Today, I was playing Mario Kart with my wife. I threw a blue shell and it hit her. She then refused to speak to me for three hours straight until right before bedtime when she called me a bastard and told me to sleep on the couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 847

You deserved it 8 600

By yourebeautiful - 31/12/2011 20:37 - United States

Today, my mom took my cell to work with her. When she got home later, she scolded me for not answering her calls. When I pointed out that she'd taken it, she grounded me for "talking back". FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 125

You deserved it 2 829

billyboef 10

Thursday 6 November 2014 0:01

at least you won the game

lowkeybelieber 7

Thursday 6 November 2014 0:01

What a bitch

Comments

YellowKettleBell 31

Friday 7 November 2014 3:04

all you did was point out the logical consequence of her statement. sheesh

keday 4

Friday 7 November 2014 13:00

I think you are the loser one

Parvati48 15

Friday 7 November 2014 20:15

Haha, sorry OP but that's funny but also sucks.

lholifield23 12

Saturday 8 November 2014 7:15

You deserved that. You practically called your mom a bitch.

OMG_132 9

Monday 10 November 2014 3:36

MYbe next time, don't cuss by ur mom. yDI

cwspn 2

Tuesday 11 November 2014 4:06

You called your mom a bitch though?? Did you not think of that?

AngryAmerican 18

Tuesday 11 November 2014 16:36

totally worth it

blackcatgirlxxx 2

Friday 14 November 2014 19:38

I would've laughed at my kid for that. If I can't accept my kid joking with me at my swearing, I probably shouldn't be swearing in front of my kid.

UnicornDung 5

Saturday 29 November 2014 21:47

Even though you win, you NEVER agree to being a son of a bitch. That's rule number 62 in the world rules book.

NostalgiaFreak9 41

Wednesday 4 March 2015 21:18

In your defense, she should have seen that coming.

Keywords

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The Top

Today, my girlfriend’s dad has a sword he inherited from his dad that he claims links their family to the old Swiss nobility. I work in a museum so I know most of the makers' marks on swords, so I’m not sure how to tell him his sword is a reproduction made in Spain less than 100 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 451

You deserved it 88

Today, I met a really attractive guy outside of a club. We came back to my apartment and had sex. Afterward, we both fell asleep. I woke up and found 20 dollars on my nightstand that wasn't there before. He thought I was a prostitute, and apparently a cheap one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 487

You deserved it 38 933

The Top

Today, my husband used the vacuum cleaner. Proud of him for this first-ever initiative, I congratulated him. His second initiative was to stick the nozzle on my ass, yelling, "Liposuction!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 015

You deserved it 5 579

Today, I was playing some CoD online, when I realised I'd started humming an annoyingly catchy Bieber tune. Before I could come to my senses and pull out my mic, a bunch of my teammates started sarcastically singing along. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 602

You deserved it 29 605

Today, I learned that my boss is a pedophile. He knows that I know. This is because he saw me looking at him… on the sex offender registry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 364

You deserved it 163

Today, I ended things with the love of my life. I kept my composure the entire conversation, and was even fine when I got home. It wasn't until I was showering at night and found one of his hairs in my butt crack that I lost it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 867

You deserved it 520

I'm just gonna walk away now...

I agree, your life sucks 266

You deserved it 106

Today, I asked my girlfriend when she would give me a blowjob. She replied, "you know that won't happen, I'm a vegetarian." FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 047

You deserved it 31 136