Intimacy: Today, my phone alarm woke me up. It had fallen under my boyfriend's... - FML

By coldwetnose - 09/05/2011 06:08 - United States

Spicy

Today, my phone alarm woke me up. It had fallen under my boyfriend's bed. Naked, I got on all fours to retrieve it. My boyfriend's dog stuck his nose in my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 226

You deserved it 18 912

Christmas: Snowy Joys and Blunders
Enjoy Christmas stories where unexpected gifts and family reunions create lasting memories... and fun! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Puppy Loverr - 25/08/2011 07:12 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I was getting a bit intimate with my boyfriend. Just when things were getting interesting, my dog managed to get into my room. He jumped on the bed and my boyfriend spent the next 20 minutes playing with the dog, while I sat next to him, half naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 442

You deserved it 4 845

Manchild

By Anonymous - 02/11/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend of 5 years thought it would be funny to squat above my head completely naked while I was sleeping. When I woke up, his asshole and ball sack was in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 387

You deserved it 296

So hot

By bonesniffer - 16/09/2010 05:13 - United States

Spicy

Today, I crawled into bed, naked, wanting to get some, and hoping to surprise my boyfriend who's always complaining that I don't sleep naked. When he finally got into bed he rolled over, touched my bare ass, and said "Oh…" then rolled back over and went to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 840

You deserved it 6 060

By wookieewhosshe - 19/03/2019 13:00 - United Kingdom - Sutton Coldfield

Today, my building's fire alarm went off. Unfortunately, this coincided with sexy time, and the loud alarm made me jumpy, making it extremely difficult to untie my naked boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 125

You deserved it 397

Cheeky

By woopdeedo_1 - 07/03/2010 19:56 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I went to a party and crashed on the bedroom floor. I woke up to sex noises coming from the bed. I pretended to still be asleep. I sent a text to my boyfriend to tell him about it. I heard his phone beep from over in the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 235

You deserved it 3 610

Gettin' some

By Username - 01/05/2011 08:20 - United States

Spicy

Today, I grabbed my t-shirt off the floor beside the bed and got up to walk my boyfriend's dog. After several trips around the block, and plenty of strange looks, I got back upstairs and saw the used condom stuck to my sleeve from the night before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 507

You deserved it 46 408

By Anonymous - 14/11/2011 05:09 - United States

Today, I found pictures in my boyfriend's phone of our dog eating treats out of my mouth while I'm sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 297

You deserved it 4 657

That was quick

By Anonymous - 09/09/2012 12:03 - United States - Altamonte Springs

Spicy

Today, while trying to rouse my sleeping boyfriend for some morning sex, he came. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 569

You deserved it 6 833

You tried

By Loveless - 10/09/2009 06:18 - United States

Spicy

Today, during foreplay, I was trying to be sexy. But instead I fell off the bed, landed in the laundry basket, and was attacked by the dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 160

You deserved it 5 702

By fetch boy.. - 05/08/2013 05:28 - United States - Bellmore

Today, my boyfriend's parents found out we had a sleepover while they were on vacation. His dog had retrieved the underwear I had unknowingly left and brought them to his mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 524

You deserved it 18 323

Next

Top comments

MilanKing 0

Monday 9 May 2011 12:01

you're lucky it was only his nose.

Fish_999 0

Monday 9 May 2011 12:01

haha u enjoyed it really!

Comments

epicaussie 6

Monday 9 May 2011 12:37

Haha ewww poor dog lol

wthowell_2010 0

Monday 9 May 2011 17:45

I like ur shirt

CateXOX 0

Monday 9 May 2011 21:37

He didn't have to stick his nose up there

michael256341859 0

Wednesday 11 May 2011 16:16

call me 2563418590

tettles 0

Monday 9 May 2011 12:39

***********

Zeusthegoose 0

Monday 9 May 2011 21:21

about to say the same thing

CitrusGirl 0

Monday 9 May 2011 12:42

So many FMLs could be avoided if people shut and locked doors.

TheDrifter 23

Monday 9 May 2011 14:25

Unless the dog sleeps in the room.

CitrusGirl 0

Monday 9 May 2011 14:33

Would you keep the dog in the room with you while having sex?

tona01 16

Monday 9 May 2011 14:43

YES duhh!!!

babycakess10 0

Monday 9 May 2011 15:24

no one said they were having sex maybe she just enjoys sleeping in the nude..

Livinia 11

Monday 9 May 2011 12:42

Don't lie OP, we all know you secretly loved it.

Djzom13 0

Monday 9 May 2011 12:45

wow, well at least it didnt get on it's hinds and hump you? and come oonn you know your boyfriend would've probably done the same if he woke up

Djzom13 0

Monday 9 May 2011 12:47

has anyone else noticed ops name? 'coldwetnose?' wtf

loveofyourlife11 0

Monday 9 May 2011 15:35

Dogs have cold, wet noses. Thats probably where she got the name from. Some op's don't have accounts when they write the fml so they come up with a name that deals with the story they tell.

BraBrando 0

Tuesday 10 May 2011 1:08

I'm quite certain that if you were to publish a FML you could always change your name, regardless whether or not you have an account. I sure as hell would use a different screen name if it was a really embarrassing FML.

agentx52 13

Monday 9 May 2011 12:50

Damn, FYL, that sucks

bhurberry 0

Monday 9 May 2011 12:55

are you sure that was his nose?

solidus106 0

Monday 9 May 2011 13:03

haha I luv when that happens

YacL 15

Monday 9 May 2011 15:55

You... love it when dogs stick their noses in people's asses? Okay...

jess6blondie9 2

Tuesday 10 May 2011 0:58

That's just wrong on 100 different levels, sir.

BraBrando 0

Tuesday 10 May 2011 1:11

It seems you've encountered this a couple times, eh?

d_pratik22 0

Monday 9 May 2011 13:05

surprise butt secks ?

iFizzgig 11

Friday 1 July 2011 13:23

rwj ftw

1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10

Keywords

Awkward Friends Love Miscellaneous Cute Haircut Relatable Cars You're fired Work Parenting Kids Family Cats DIY Am I overreacting? Sex Intimacy Management Poopoo peepee Capitalism Coworkers Frustration Dogs Animals ADHD Transportation Dating Health Anxiety

The Top

Today, I was grocery shopping when a little kid pointed at me and yelled, "Mommy, look! It's the man from the cereal box!" I don’t know whether to feel flattered or insulted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 330

You deserved it 85

Today, my girlfriend, for our first time having sex, wanted to do stepbrother roleplay. Not only is that odd for our first time, it’s a weird fetish to have, especially when she actually does have a stepbrother. We ended up not finishing having sex, it was too weird for me FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 956

You deserved it 279

The Top

Today, I was walking my dog when a lady approached me, commented how beautiful she was, and asked to pet her. I obliged and next thing I knew I was pushed to the ground and maced. She made off with my dog. The police is unable to locate them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 732

You deserved it 75

Today, while getting on a city bus, I sat down on a urine-soaked seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 889

You deserved it 335

Today, my boyfriend of a year decided to confess to me that almost everything he has told me in our relationship has been a lie. This includes telling me that he was single when we first met, telling me that he loved me, and telling me that I was beautiful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 514

You deserved it 3 159

Today, one of my sisters is getting married to the guy who bullied me so badly in high school I attempted suicide twice. She insists he’s changed, like I’m supposed to give a fuck. Every time he comes in the house, I want to either run and hide, or stab him in the face and cut off his balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 595

You deserved it 183

Today, an old guy phoned the cops on my daughter because she was drawing with chalk on the sidewalk. Apparently, he thinks it's vandalism. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 316

You deserved it 3 845

Today, I fell asleep and dreamed that I had won $500,000. In my dream, I used this money to buy a new MP3 Player, and then put the rest in a term deposit. Even in my dreams, I'm the most boring person I know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 739

You deserved it 7 969