Intimacy and Sex: Today, my wife and I were getting intimate for the first time...

FML for mobile
Free

By footscratching - 28/01/2012 06:27 - United States

Today, my wife and I were getting intimate for the first time in several months. Then we heard our son yelling from the other room needing my help. He needed me to scratch his foot because the cat was on his lap and he couldn't reach it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 581

You deserved it 4 493

Epic Easter: Chases and Chutes
From egg hunts gone wrong to unforgettable family dinners, Easter has never been so much fun! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Alexa, play "Cannonball" by The Breeders

By Anonymous - 18/05/2020 17:00

Today, I was getting frisky with my husband under the covers in bed. My son decided to run into our room and cannonball on top of my husband. This startled him, which caused him to bite me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 609

You deserved it 313

By Darin Greenwood - 22/07/2019 14:00

Today, the wife and I were in the middle of having sex. She was bent over and I was taking her to pound town. I look over to see my 3 year-old son standing in the doorway, humping air. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 379

You deserved it 2 482

By stanDman - 19/01/2009 18:05 - Canada

Today, I was jerking off when my cat jumped out of nowhere and dug his claws into my shaft. Attempting to knock him away resulted in three nasty gashes… that I now have to explain to my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 456

You deserved it 10 472

Not now

By Anonymous - 25/09/2021 23:00

Today, my wife and I were getting intimate in the morning. First time in forever. Things were just starting to get steamy when our 10-month-old daughter woke up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 218

You deserved it 275

Being a parent 101

By Shavaughn Riley - 31/10/2020 23:03 - New Zealand - Kawerau

Today, my girlfriend and I started to be intimate after a run of dry spells. I was looking forward to this, until one of our kids came barging into our room and ruined the moment for the rest of the night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 007

You deserved it 296

By Mia - 20/08/2014 06:07 - United States - Astoria

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, when we heard a screech. My two cats were having it harder than us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 326

You deserved it 7 254

Not now!

By Ineedit - 26/02/2010 17:46 - United States

Today, my husband and I were going to have sex for the first time since having our baby, who was taking a nap. As soon as we lay down in bed, his mother rang saying she was five minutes away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 126

You deserved it 2 578

By Anonymous - 14/11/2014 02:14 - United States - Kennesaw

Today, I got home and found my wife cuddling with the dog and our new kitten. Both the cat and my wife hissed at me when I tried to join in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 517

You deserved it 4 198

By Anonymous - 22/06/2009 23:41 - United States

Today, my husband and I were getting it on when we heard a little giggle. I put on my robe and looked outside my room to find that no one was there. So we continued. I later called my seven year old son and out he came crawling from under the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 398

You deserved it 11 795

Scarred for life

By Guess who's back - 10/07/2022 10:00 - Australia - Homebush

Today, in the morning, my wife and I were having hot but silent sex on my futon while our 3 year-old slept in his crib. It was going great until my turn to come when I released a loud, "AARRGHHHHHH". My son promptly got up, took one look at me and his mother's back, then promptly went back to sleep without a word. FML

I agree, your life sucks 451

You deserved it 1 828

bettyc4 26

Saturday 28 January 2012 11:34

Cockblocked!

aeshleyrose 6

Saturday 28 January 2012 11:52

You raised him, bud.

Comments

arvale8802 1

Thursday 9 February 2012 8:03

Y havnt you slept w each other in MONTHS?

fsomelife 26

Wednesday 29 February 2012 7:52

I'd suggest giving him a fork, but given the severity of the case, it would require a cork at the end, which would defeat its initial purpose.

brebear2014 0

Tuesday 6 March 2012 9:26

Im glad my daughter is still a baby so me n my fiance can still be intimate easily atm lol

newburton13 26

Saturday 10 March 2012 16:28

Send his lazy ass to military school.

Parisgirl34 12

Tuesday 5 June 2012 20:52

he sounds lazy

pheonix_flash 7

Tuesday 22 January 2013 13:25

Sons first cockblock!

SpyroCool 13

Thursday 24 October 2013 7:59

To be fair, it's not like the cat was gonna move.

charlieoogx 7

Thursday 25 June 2015 10:44

kittykat1501 31

Wednesday 1 July 2015 6:57

Never disturb a sleeping cat, a happy cat, or a cat on a lap

rattyrayvn 21

Wednesday 3 August 2016 13:45

He could hear you and needed an excuse to make you stop.

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Health Drunk Embarrassing Awkward Miscellaneous Cooking Dogs Food Relationship advice Love Music Concert Transportation Cars Sexism Dating Capitalism Sports Work Friends Weird Annoying Management Relatable Birthday Teenagers Phobias Insects Smells Restaurants

The Top

Today, there are rumors flying around my office that I hooked up with the guy who picks his nose and leaves boogers under tables. I didn't. Last night I took a shower at my boyfriend's place, who happens to use the exact same body wash and shampoo as the office outcast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 221

You deserved it 3 594

Today, I was on my grandparents' computer looking for my old high school resume. I came across a word document titled "Experiences". Thinking it was part of my resume, I opened it up and started reading. It was a brief, yet explicit record of my grandfather's recent sexual frustrations. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 492

You deserved it 5 437

The Top

Today, I woke up to the sight of a zucchini and a condom on my bedside table, along with a note saying "I know it's tough being single." Apparently my mom has boundary issues, my dad will laugh at anything, and the fact I just got dumped means nothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 691

You deserved it 3 038

Today, I was sitting next to this really cute guy in choir class. Trying to make conversation, I asked him what his favorite song was. He replied "Leave Me Alone". I asked him who it was by and he said, "It's not a song, I just want you to leave me alone". FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 352

You deserved it 9 283

Today, I had my first driving lesson. I learned how to be stopped by a cop, who told me what a horrible driver I was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 017

You deserved it 3 963

Today, I learned my wife has a lover. He's more handsome than me, and bigger than me. I might've been OK with it if he wasn't my daughter's boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 911

You deserved it 209

Today, after politely reminding my husband to turn the bathroom light off after he's done, he did so. While I was on the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 602

You deserved it 8 297

Today, my uncle got me a debit card and put $1000 on it for my Christmas present. However, he forgot to activate the card. The receipt with the 14-digit activation code is in the garbage in Colorado. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 830

You deserved it 3 778