Love: Today, my wife didn't say a word to me because her horoscope...

By MrOh - 09/08/2011 17:29 - Canada

Today, my wife didn't say a word to me because her horoscope told her not to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 673

You deserved it 4 521

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 06/08/2012 05:03 - United States - Mountain View

Today, my fiancée said that our relationship is doomed because an astrologer said so. We only have a few more days until our wedding and she won't listen to a word I say. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 811

You deserved it 2 566

By Dumbfounded - 08/08/2012 23:03 - United States - Padre Island Ntl Seashor

Today, my wife yelled at me for admitting I take my wedding ring off at work. I explained that I work in a chemistry lab and don't want to damage it. She laughed and said, "Oh please, that chemistry stuff is nonsense anyway." All while reading her horoscope. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 381

You deserved it 3 971

By Anonymous - 19/12/2011 20:08 - United States

Today, my wife threatened to end our relationship if I didn't skip work and stay at home. She's into astrology, and apparently when one of those money-grubbing frauds writes, "Betrayal will come from someone close to you", it's reason enough to suspect that I'll cheat on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 329

You deserved it 3 483

Affection breakdown

By Anonymous - 19/12/2020 13:02 - United Kingdom - Boston

Today, my wife can't be bothered to do anything that isn't work, talk about her work, and sit on the sofa. Then she complains that I don't show any affection, when she can be bothered to even talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 884

You deserved it 143

Stuck on amber

By Anonymous - 01/10/2020 07:58 - United States - Greensburg

Today, my wife and mother of my kids said she doesn't want sex. Or a divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 274

You deserved it 208

By Anonymous - 29/01/2012 19:10 - United States

Today, my girlfriend started a month-long period of not talking to me. One of her male friends, who is a self-styled astrologist, told her there are "bad omens" in our relationship for the coming weeks. I don't know if I should dump her for being gullible or just plain stupid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 423

You deserved it 3 775

By divorced - 19/08/2010 10:01 - United States

Today, my wife put divorce papers in my birthday card. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 768

You deserved it 4 569

Marriage doesn't solve anything

By Anonymous - 12/03/2021 17:00

Today, my wife told me how she really felt about me, and said she didn't love me anymore. We got married last month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 254

You deserved it 139

By dazedandconfused - 18/09/2016 09:44 - United Kingdom - Dorking

Today, I found out why my wife has been upset with me for the last week. She told me this morning that I did something to upset her on our date night last Friday, she won't tell me what, and she said she'll leave me if I do it again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 455

You deserved it 1 102

Told you so

By Anonymous - 19/06/2021 22:00

Today, my wife is leaving me for the guy she told me not to worry about, who is also her ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 098

You deserved it 119

bthomas0319 2

Tuesday 9 August 2011 22:23

Make a fake horoscope and make it say that you have to be your husband's slave and do whatever he says

kaylynheartsyou 10

Tuesday 9 August 2011 22:23

Then dont talk to her for one day.

Comments

nabs_fml 5

Sunday 14 August 2011 0:34

haha hilarious!!

GoArmy6624 7

Sunday 14 August 2011 3:45

Sounds like a good day.

rafael58842 7

Sunday 14 August 2011 4:38

wow that is ridicoulous what does she get from that

yax 6

Monday 15 August 2011 10:35

get a better wife...

annieagony 0

Tuesday 16 August 2011 3:44

C; hahaa

GangstaBitch808 2

Tuesday 16 August 2011 10:49

Is she a virgo? Lol

Snookie85 19

Sunday 18 September 2011 21:38

What a very loving wife!

Psycho_Babydoll 26

Thursday 10 November 2011 4:16

Are you married to Sybil Trelawney?

bladomas 2

Friday 2 December 2011 8:14

horoscope's are frauds and loads of bull shit

muffinXmonster 12

Saturday 26 January 2013 0:02

How is this a bad thing

Keywords

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The Top

Today, on my way home from watching a movie with a girl, I began having an erection because I thought I could kiss her goodnight. She dropped me off at home, and with my full blown erection, I walked in front of her car with the headlights on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 433

You deserved it 46 505

Today, I learned that I actually like my boiled eggs a bit softer than I usually make them. I also learned that an outwardly lukewarm egg, when bitten into enthusiastically, is perfectly capable of creating a volcanic eruption of boiling hot yolk all over your hands, clothes and kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 645

You deserved it 412

The Top

Today, I discovered my water bottle had leaked and spilled water all over my backpack, ruining my notebooks, soaking my schoolbooks, and destroying my midterm portfolio. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 806

You deserved it 5 723

Today, I haven’t had a haircut in 15 months. Our politicians announced that the lockdown, prohibiting haircuts, commerce and social life, will go on even longer than previously decided. Our impeccably coiffed politicians, that is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 733

You deserved it 239

Today, my Breaking Bad-obsessed boyfriend actually used the phrase "I am the one who cocks" during foreplay. My vagina just about turned into a desert on the spot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 351

You deserved it 4 301

Today, at 2:00 am, my neighbor discovered "What Does The Fox Say?" He loves it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 201

You deserved it 2 460

Today, I found out my husband of four years has been cheating on me with his boss, who had been kind and treated me well. I never suspected it until I caught them in OUR bed. All he would ever do was come home and complain about how hard his job was. I guess that wasn't the only thing that was hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 636

You deserved it 161

Today, I realized why my water bill has gone down so much. My 16 year old daughter now only feels it necessary to shower whenever her boyfriend is going to come over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 115

You deserved it 5 271