Miscellaneous: Today, on the first cold night of autumn, I realized I need a... - FML

By sadguyme - 22/10/2012 07:31 - United States - Turlock

Today, on the first cold night of autumn, I realized I need a girlfriend because the only way I can stay warm is if I spoon with my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 654

You deserved it 5 118

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Same thing different taste

By funy_hunie - 02/08/2019 06:00 - United States - Anchorage

Today, while lying in bed, I was so lonely that I put a heavy blanket in front of me so it felt like I was spooning someone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 644

You deserved it 245

Hold me close

By chachi - 28/09/2009 18:25 - United States

Today, I awoke in bed with my boyfriend and his dog. After some pushing and prodding, I thought my boyfriend was trying to move the dog out of the way to cuddle with me. It turns out, he was moving the dog closer to him. My boyfriend would rather spoon with his dog than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 126

You deserved it 6 758

By Doglover - 02/11/2017 14:00

Today, I went jogging. It was cold but I dressed lightly because I overheat when I exercise. Unfortunately, I locked myself out. My wife returned four hours later to find me spooning our dog in the doghouse to keep from freezing to death. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 918

You deserved it 961

By madeline9322 - 20/12/2016 03:15 - Canada

Today, the lack of heating in my room has gotten to the point where I have to cuddle my clothes for the next day at night so they're not freezing when I wake up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 585

You deserved it 788

He prefers the dog

By Anonymous - 19/11/2019 14:00

Today, my boyfriend kicked me out of bed so the dog could get under the covers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 999

You deserved it 370

Teddy is always there for you

By Lunar-Spice - 16/12/2020 04:54 - United States - Midlothian

Today, and for the past month, I'm so lonely that I fall asleep holding my teddy bear's paw for comfort. FML

I agree, your life sucks 766

You deserved it 124

Fall vibes

By Frozen - 19/10/2024 07:00 - United States - Steele

Today, I slept on the couch last night. Not because of an angry significant other, but because my bedroom was absolutely freezing, thanks to the wind. It was like a giant freezer. Even fully cocooning myself in blankets with a sweater on didn't work. I should get a space heater. FML

I agree, your life sucks 312

You deserved it 102

Good boy

By fall3nrain - 11/09/2009 21:07 - United States

Today, I was trying to keep myself occupied due to my recent breakup. I was reading this book someone gave me about animal communication, so after a while, I figured I'd give it a shot. Then it dawned on me; I'm single, at home on a Friday night, and I'm trying to talk to my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 806

You deserved it 7 173

By hopeless romantic - 14/08/2014 15:06 - United States - Dayton

Today, I realized my dog looks at me with way more love in his eyes than my own boyfriend does. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 167

You deserved it 5 542

Sick move, bro

By jlw1998 - 25/04/2016 04:36 - United States - Dallas

Today, I bought my girlfriend a cat. I now have a cat and no girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 494

You deserved it 4 510

Next

Top comments

satanic_fml 13

Monday 22 October 2012 16:07

or a heater

infamous1212 10

Monday 22 October 2012 16:09

Is it really that cold in California or are you just looking for an excuse to spoon your dog?

Comments

Dcm210 19

Monday 22 October 2012 16:34

Get a blanket.

lostinlabels 8

Monday 22 October 2012 16:36

You're still staying warm, right? Girlfriend not needed after all.

ScarletBloom 14

Monday 22 October 2012 16:38

Set yourself on fire.

peachesncreem 21

Monday 22 October 2012 17:01

It's probably perdix doing that to you Noor.

FATTY_MCDOOGLE 29

Monday 22 October 2012 17:32

Or you know there's a thing called a blanket.

ICastillo 24

Monday 22 October 2012 17:33

Come on its not that hard to get an extra blanket or a little heater..shit even an electric blanket will keep you warm.

peachesncreem 21

Monday 22 October 2012 17:38

Bausgit? Or is he in your attic?

RpiesSPIES 27

Monday 22 October 2012 17:40

That would explain his low posting rate, these days.

ManInTheMachine 19

Monday 22 October 2012 17:43

*Baustigt *she Don't get in on the shenanigans if you can't get your shit straight. Besides, Baustigt is locked up with my dog in the secret room in my house.

Warmonger_Smurf 29

Monday 22 October 2012 17:55

Just keep adding blankets. When I'm training or deployed my wife sleeps under about eight of them.

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The Top

Today, a slightly older guy friend of mine told me that he thinks of me as a little sister. Immediately afterwards, he tried to make out with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 448

You deserved it 89

Today, thinking no one was home, I decided to be a little frisky with my boyfriend. I guess I was being loud and woke up my sleeping autistic brother the room over. Halfway through, he burst through the door, panicking. He thought I was having another one of my asthma attacks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 981

You deserved it 9 782

The Top

Today, I was at a diner with friends when we decided to put our phones in the middle of the table on the basis that whoever looks at theirs first has to pay. It was going well, until someone rushed up behind me, slammed my face into the table and ran out with our 4 phones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 868

You deserved it 5 848

Today, I tried to imitate Mary Poppins by jumping off a shed with an umbrella. I spent the next 3 hours in the emergency room. My leg is broken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 241

You deserved it 246 176

Today, I used a glue stick instead of my Carmex lip balm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 970

You deserved it 1 266

Today, I had to explain to a cop that the reason I was speeding was because my girlfriend was in the hospital due to a car accident. He was working the accident just ten minutes before and saw me leave behind the ambulance. He still gave me a ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 539

You deserved it 6 968

Today, the girl who'd asked me to prom told me she assumed we weren't going together and is now going with her friends. After agreeing to go with her, I'd bought a $200 non-refundable suit along with the ticket. I have no one else to go with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 569

You deserved it 392

Today, I found out that because of my high blood pressure I can't have sex for one month. My wedding is next weekend and the following two weeks are my honey moon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 267 584

You deserved it 28 623