Health: Today, while at a private lake, my colon declared a state of...

By Oh-Shit! - 10/08/2013 15:23 - United States

Today, while at a private lake, my colon declared a state of evacuation. I ventured as far from my family as my sphincter would allow, only to make eye contact with two very horrified kayakers mid-explosion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 205

You deserved it 5 490

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Same thing different taste

Freakout

By Brie - 29/05/2011 18:22 - United States

Today, against my wishes, my family and I went swimming with sharks. While in the shark cage, a shark got within a few feet of us. My cowardly bowels objected and caused me to shit myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 999

You deserved it 11 772

Humpty Dumpy

By traumatized - 12/04/2014 18:07 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I was taking the biggest shit of my life. When I worked the thing out, it hit the water with such force that I got a toilet water enema from the backwash. I was so freaked out that I screamed and fell off the seat, prompting my husband to rush in to see what was wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 449

You deserved it 9 409

Pirate move

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff

Today, I was kayaking with my friend. We figured it'd be awesome if I jumped from my kayak straight into his. Sounded good in theory. One flipped kayak, a pair of lost glasses, and a humiliating swim back to shore later, I'm starting to think it wasn't the best idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 718

You deserved it 26 833

Looks like we made it… Oh.

By Anonymous - 12/10/2020 23:01 - United States - San Jose

Today, I went on a walk with my family because I'm trying to be more active. We were near my son's school when I got a grumbling in my stomach. I rushed to find a place to take a dump. As I approached a Porta-Potty, my ass couldn't hold it any longer and I shit myself 20 feet away from the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 334

You deserved it 198

Take a break

By Anonymous - 04/05/2024 07:00 - United States

Today, I really had to take a shit. My coworker had gone on lunch break and I was alone in the shop. There were no customers, so to the can I went. Cue a long series of loud wet farts and splashes, followed by the flush. I emerged to see the horrified face of some old lady and her grandson who'd heard everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 453

You deserved it 114

Leaking

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I learned explosive diarrhea is real. I felt it coming and dashed into our local supermarket. Ten feet in, liquid poo started spewing down my pants' legs. 150 feet to go. I ran. It ran. They watched. After 15 minutes of cleaning, I slunk out. Now, I have to find a new supermarket, maybe a new town. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 629

You deserved it 3 631

Let it all out

By HateCelebz - 26/08/2023 00:02

Today, I went for a swim in the sea. It was early and I was the only one in the water. i swam out far, then my tummy rumbled big time. Next thing I knew, I'd shat my shorts. It went everywhere. I had to scoop the poop out with my hand and wash it off whilst swimming back to shore. I had to shower afterwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 557

You deserved it 214

In space no one can hear you fart

By Anonymous - 29/08/2024 10:00 - United States - Claymont

Today, I was at a water park when my stomach started to hurt. I didn’t think anyone was behind me so was I ripped ass so hard, I almost shat myself. However, there was someone behind me, and the look they gave me was disturbing. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 91

You deserved it 620

Toxic waste

By Anonymous - 02/09/2022 06:00 - Europe

Today, I was on a first date with a girl at a lake. I felt my stomach rumble and knew I couldn’t make it to shore, so I dropped into the water and had violently diarrhea in the water. It started to bubble, and so I started splashing around, saying, “It’s cold” while she swam around me, in my shit water. I’ve never told her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 108

You deserved it 441

By VMV - 01/02/2013 23:53 - Spain - Abrera

Today, I desperately needed to pee, so I decided to confront my anxiety issues and use a public toilet. I opened the lid, only to see several huge, rancid floaters staring back at me. I had an attack, started sobbing, and pissed myself on the way home. Never again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 173

You deserved it 9 429

Wizardo 33

Saturday 10 August 2013 19:34

The wording of this FML is as poetic as a mushroom cloud of faecal matter being emitted from thy anus OP, well done I approve.

buckerado 19

Saturday 10 August 2013 19:31

Imagine the look on their faces as a brown cloud appeared...

Comments

Pikawhore 21

Saturday 10 August 2013 19:34

You never make eye contact!

therealafroninga 10

Saturday 10 August 2013 22:44

The third eye might've.

singer0421 32

Saturday 10 August 2013 19:34

Maybe you should have found a more secluded area before you took your dump

cristy91 33

Saturday 10 August 2013 19:41

When you have to go, you really don't have enough time to peruse for the optimal location. OP did as best as could be done in such a scenario, sadly though, it still wasn't good enough

singer0421 32

Saturday 10 August 2013 20:10

Yeah I suppose that's true... But he still should've looked to see if there anyone was there

abekj52 9

Saturday 10 August 2013 22:01

Or just get potty trained

starsfan326 12

Saturday 10 August 2013 19:35

Lmfao sounds like my time fishing in Canada when I only had moss from a rock I had to wipe with....

DocBastard 38

Saturday 10 August 2013 19:48

Yes, it's the exact same situation, except that every single detail is completely different.

jkmartinjk 16

Sunday 11 August 2013 1:39

*Sigh* Yes we do have toilet paper in Canada for those of you that are wondering right now.

magicman37 8

Saturday 10 August 2013 19:35

You future looks murky

Lacist 19

Saturday 10 August 2013 19:36

You wrote this FML really well actually, great choice of words and executed perfectly.

wilsontws 18

Saturday 10 August 2013 19:36

Sounds like a shitty... *gets hit by kayaking paddles*

MrE187 12

Saturday 10 August 2013 19:37

Shit happens.

Epikouros 31

Saturday 10 August 2013 19:43

Were the kayakers passing under the bridge you were sitting on?

harrypotter4evur 15

Saturday 10 August 2013 19:44

Bet they didn't think they'd see THAT on a kayaking trip.

perdix 29

Saturday 10 August 2013 19:45

That's one way to keep unwanted kayakers from invading your private lake. But, to be fair, you should have posted a sign that said, "Trespassers Will Be Shat."