Work: Today, while discussing career prospects with my mom, she suggested...

By kaynotentirelywrong - 15/08/2013 16:49 - Canada - Repentigny

Today, while discussing career prospects with my mom, she suggested that I become a penis puppeteer, because "Let's face it, you play with it 24/7. Why not make a career out of it?" Yeah, thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 203

You deserved it 13 353

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 15/11/2009 23:26 - United States

Today, I had nothing better to do than make a penis out of silly putty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 850

You deserved it 37 756

Support act

By Anonymous - 26/08/2024 13:00 - United Kingdom

Today, and for my entire childhood, my parents made me play the piano until I gave in and just learned to enjoy it somehow. Now, I actually have an opportunity to play professionally, and what did my parents say? “Don’t bother, musicians hardly ever make good money. Get a real job instead.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 557

You deserved it 71

By Motha - 09/04/2014 05:17 - United States - West Jordan

Today, my obsession with replying "Your Mom" reached a new level when my anatomy teacher asked what I'd done with my pencil. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 604

You deserved it 50 478

By Anonymous - 25/10/2016 08:31

Today, without thinking, I casually advised my mum that the best way to get the piping nozzle clean is to 'fingerfuck' it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 925

You deserved it 4 869

Mother knows best...

By flymetothemoon - 27/09/2017 20:00

Today, I finally figured out what I want to do for the rest of my life. Too bad my tattoos will prevent me from ever getting hired. Guess you were right, Mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 026

You deserved it 4 342

Subconscious

By doodler - 27/02/2014 11:59 - United States - Hurst

Today, I was doodling randomly during a meeting at work, and I noticed my drawing was beginning to look a bit like a penis. A coworker was eyeing it so I tried to make it something else by adding... oh good, now it's a penis and balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 098

You deserved it 13 507

Comedian

By WoofWoof - 27/09/2020 14:01 - Pakistan - Islamabad

Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend that getting on all fours and barking at my penis for fun in the center of a mall is extremely inappropriate. She thinks otherwise, and promises to do it again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 410

You deserved it 418

By Rae - 30/07/2009 13:56 - United States

Today, I picked up my daughter from the day care but before we left, the babysitter needed to have a talk with me. To fill you in, I got a brand new prius yesterday. Apparently my daughter told eveyone that her mommy got a new penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 449

You deserved it 4 492

Follow your dreams

By Anonymous - 17/03/2023 10:00

Today, despite me being a master-level carpenter, and my art sells for thousands, I heard my mom telling her snobby friends how embarrassed she is of me because I’m “basically unemployed” and waste my time on “hobby crafts” like a teenage nerd instead of getting “a real job” and finding a wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 096

You deserved it 118

By CallaC - 15/03/2012 02:01 - Canada

Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk. Almost before he could open his mouth, my mother popped her head into the room and said, "Be realistic, Dan. Who would want to sleep with that?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 505

You deserved it 2 898

Wolstenholme 11

Friday 16 August 2013 3:26

******* awesome mom you've got there.

SamanthaNGoree 10

Friday 16 August 2013 3:29

And now I know what I want to be when I grow up!

Comments

cheesebond 29

Friday 16 August 2013 10:00

U should really try chaturbate.com

Blavock 12

Friday 16 August 2013 12:55

Your moms a bitch

cookie1207 19

Friday 16 August 2013 13:58

Get someone else to play with it and move out!!!

ozpunker 20

Friday 16 August 2013 15:09

so you're hung huh. Well done son, well done.

northernlass 7

Friday 16 August 2013 15:48

Men don't even realize their hand is down their pants. . . like the penis subconsciously calls to the right hand . . . "touch meeeeee,"

frod0 10

Friday 16 August 2013 16:07

**** is always good! x

thedeadmen 14

Friday 16 August 2013 21:27

Ur dam right

xRezSynn 15

Friday 16 August 2013 19:53

Well, do you?

cho_bee 9

Friday 16 August 2013 22:40

Well, at least someone's watching...

mamamc 3

Saturday 17 August 2013 13:34

Hysterical!

Loboman 6

Saturday 17 August 2013 18:22

Just send an email to the puppeteer of your choice and get their skype account.

Keywords

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I agree, your life sucks 946

You deserved it 166

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I agree, your life sucks 1 156

You deserved it 316

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I agree, your life sucks 741

You deserved it 98

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I agree, your life sucks 15 370

You deserved it 39 458

Today, I found out that my boyfriend cheated on me with my "best friend" while I was away on vacation. She is now writing on her blog about how heartbreaking the whole situation is for her, and how she's "stuck in the middle of all this." FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 828

You deserved it 3 842

Today, while I was telling my therapist all of my inner conflicts, he fell asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 927

You deserved it 116