Intimacy: Today, while taking a slow night at my waitressing job, I thought...

By koanroak - 22/06/2015 03:08 - United States - Carrollton

Today, while taking a slow night at my waitressing job, I thought I heard the sound of crying coming from the kitchen. I rushed in, thinking something terrible had happened. Nope, the bus boy was just watching porn on his phone with no headphones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 728

You deserved it 2 372

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 14/04/2017 00:00

Today, working midnight at a coffee shop, I had a customer set down his phone on the counter to pay. Screen up. Still playing his, "Ebony Rimjob" porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 352

You deserved it 401

By Anonymous - 08/06/2019 00:24 - United States - Santa Cruz

Today, I was babysitting my friend's 12-year-old son while his dad was having an emergency procedure at the hospital. I walked into the den to see if he wanted to go out to dinner, only to find him watching Pornhub on my iPad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 578

You deserved it 415

Class dismissed

By Anonymous - 27/05/2021 08:01

Today, I was watching porn with no headphones, because my roommate had left for work. He didn’t fill me in that his girlfriend was, one, even over at our place, and two was using the room next to me to teach her third grade class. Yeah. I’m going to get headphones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 661

You deserved it 1 164

By wowthatwould - 04/12/2011 21:39 - United States

Today, I was watching porn when I heard my mom call for me. I closed my laptop right as she walked in my room. The sound, however, kept going. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 408

You deserved it 46 708

By danesy - 10/03/2009 02:04 - United States

Today, I was taking the subway to school. It was around 6:30am and I was listening to music and catching up on homework. When I took my headphones off to readjust them, I heard some grunting. I looked over at the man across from me to see he was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 249

You deserved it 3 790

Talk to me baby

By fizzie101 - 18/10/2014 21:43 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend jerking off to what I thought was porn on his phone. He was actually beating it to Siri's voice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 505

You deserved it 4 696

Wanker

By fired - 09/08/2013 22:17

Today, I was in the restroom at work, snickering at some funny stories on my phone while I took a dump. Little did I know that the asshole in the next stall would report me to our boss, claiming he'd heard weird noises, then looked over the divider and witnessed me jacking off to porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 252

You deserved it 7 486

Listen up

By Ryan - 01/09/2022 21:00 - Canada - Quesnel

Today, after getting off the phone with a client, I got horny so I put on some porn and cranked one out. After I'd finished, I realized I hadn't ended the call and neither had my client. They heard everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 268

You deserved it 2 033

By Anonymous - 21/10/2013 19:07 - United Kingdom

Today, my dad came into my room, looked at my laptop, and said he could hear the porn I was watching all the way from his room. I wasn't watching porn. We soon realised it was actually coming from his mobile phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 856

You deserved it 4 485

By Anonymous - 12/09/2014 13:17 - United States - Fort Myers

Today, I had to take my husband's laptop to University for an in-class exam. I opened the screen, and loud porn started to auto-play. The silence in the class was deafening as I tried to make it stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 558

You deserved it 7 485

hayleybee44 12

Monday 22 June 2015 18:09

I hope he washed his hands afterwards...

runninggirl8 16

Monday 22 June 2015 18:08

at least nothing terrible happened

Comments

sorainu 18

Monday 22 June 2015 18:07

When I accidentally comment on the wrong fml >.>

Miss_Chevious 37

Monday 22 June 2015 18:17

what a waste of a first comment

runninggirl8 16

Monday 22 June 2015 18:08

at least nothing terrible happened

Rinat_fml 26

Monday 22 June 2015 18:38

It was terrible, for OP.

zahidnasir 22

Monday 22 June 2015 19:42

i think its ok for a lady like you

jforren 14

Monday 22 June 2015 23:17

Okay, but why would it be okay to say that?

hayleybee44 12

Monday 22 June 2015 18:09

I hope he washed his hands afterwards...

iPixelCheese 19

Monday 22 June 2015 18:09

Umm. I have no words, sorry that you had to witness that OP

pooldude 24

Monday 22 June 2015 18:54

you just said you had no word! Then you go ahead and... this is why i have trust issues

dakatabg 31

Monday 22 June 2015 18:09

Killing some time on the phone

Misskreher 30

Monday 22 June 2015 18:09

A mans gotta do what a mans gotta do

Tournesol143 28

Monday 22 June 2015 18:11

I imagine the people hearing that while waiting for their food must think the cooks are pretty passionate about their jobs!

extrasnipes 22

Monday 22 June 2015 19:10

Oh yeah oh yeah milk it milk good. Not to fast though. Mhmm oh yeah that's amazing. Oh Mhm cum on, where's the special sauce.

Sandsh8rk 36

Monday 22 June 2015 18:11

I guess **** can't wait for anything.

satanic_fml 13

Monday 22 June 2015 18:14

sounds like the start of a porno

archnarquibquib 21

Monday 22 June 2015 18:27

Who watches **** at work? What the ****?

katydid91 31

Monday 22 June 2015 21:23

Right?! Especially in the food industry!

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The Top

Today, and for the past week, I’ve had a viral bug. Now I can handle the vomiting, the diarrhoea, headaches, muscle weakness, dizziness, fatigue, and coughing. What I cannot handle is how food and drink now taste bad. Like seriously, even water tastes bad. I’m slowly going insane from lack of flavour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 357

You deserved it 72

Today, I listened to my best friend complain, again, about the two guys she's seeing, and how she doesn't know which one to choose, because they're both perfect. Meanwhile, I'm cleaning up my dog's loose stools, haven't had a date in over three years, and I'm also sharing a room with the very same best friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 324

You deserved it 2 005

The Top

Today, I scratched a lottery ticket I had gotten for my birthday and won $10,000. In celebration, I jumped up and raised my hands directly into a ceiling fan. Oh, and it was a fake ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 384

You deserved it 6 088

Today, I started dating a seemingly normal guy. Not even four hours into our relationship, he began telling me that he can see spirits, dead people, and that I have a large black dog following me everywhere I go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 922

You deserved it 3 029

Today, I found out that I have three weeks to get better at my shitty job before we start discussing my "future" with the company. FML

I agree, your life sucks 888

You deserved it 358

Today, my boss replied-to-all to a memo I sent, wherein he states that "Filipino" should be spelled with a double P. He spells his nationality with a double R. He's from Morocco. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 533

You deserved it 2 567

Today, I was shopping at a store that hires disabled people as baggers. This is totally awesome and I love the practice, but this autistic bagger yelled out the name of every product he bagged, including "TAMPONS!" and "CONDOMS!" One of my middle school students was in the next checkout line videoing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 614

You deserved it 381

Today, as I left the supermarket, I found someone had hit my car in the parking lot. There was a note tucked under the wipers. Insurance details? Nope. It just said "Sorry dude. I fucked up. Good luck with the car." Great. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 081

You deserved it 2 280

Same thing different taste

Class dismissed

Talk to me baby

Wanker

Listen up

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