Dogs and Animals: Today, while swimming under water, my 80-pound lab thought I...

By Angel - 22/06/2015 02:16 - United States - Utica

Today, while swimming under water, my 80-pound lab thought I was drowning and tried to "rescue" me by jumping in after me, wrapping his front legs around my neck, and standing on my chest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 164

You deserved it 2 167

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 11/06/2011 00:14 - United States

Today, I was swimming at the water park, when out of nowhere a lifeguard bombed into the pool, grabbed me, and hauled me to the surface, running his hands over my chest in the process. Apparently, the way I swim makes it look like I'm in my drowning death throes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 445

You deserved it 7 721

Baywatch

By Jenn - 16/12/2016 00:50

Today, in my lifeguarding course, I had to pull a 200-pound boy out of the pool in an exercise to practice using our legs when lifting. I, being only 90 pounds, tried pulling and ended up falling into the pool, landing with my lady parts on his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 234

You deserved it 840

Baywatch music starts

By Anonymous - 01/05/2019 12:00

Today, I nearly drowned. I was at a wave pool for the first time and stupidly swam out to the deep end. When the waves turned on, I discovered I can't swim in rough water. Despite my yelling, "Help!" and flailing around, the lifeguard paid me no attention. My friend had to save me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 069

You deserved it 622

By mathii - 23/07/2011 23:52 - France

Today, I was in swimming practice at the pool. I suddenly got breathless, dizzy, and felt like I was drowning. I cried out to the instructor, telling him I had a weak heart. He shouted back, "I don't care about your love life! Swim, bitch!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 772

You deserved it 6 170

By beachbum - 27/02/2009 06:03 - United States

Today, I was at the beach with my buddy. Messing around, he swam up behind me and dunked me under the water. Naturally, moments later I swam behind him, grabbed both his ankles and stood up, flipping him completely, only to see him watching me from a few feet away. I flipped a 70 year old man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 452

You deserved it 54 153

By anonymous - 10/06/2009 22:50 - United States

Today, I decided to go swimming. I knew my technique would be off because I haven't swam since high school. It was when I made it only halfway across the pool that the lifeguard decided to jump in and save me. I wasn't drowning or struggling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 731

You deserved it 4 676

Beast Mode

By Vee - 24/09/2017 07:00 - United States

Today, my 80lb black lab decided that the moment I start doing pushups is her cue to mount me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 214

You deserved it 437

By wrongman - 14/02/2018 19:00

Today, at the public pool, my boyfriend dived from one side to the other. I jumped in to reward him underwater, kissing him everywhere and grabbing his crotch, until I noticed his shorts were different. I surfaced to see that my boyfriend was still far away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 609

You deserved it 7 728

By loser. - 20/03/2010 06:23 - Canada

Today, I dove into the water perfectly, and my bikini bottoms came off. I splashed around nervously. This guy must have thought I was drowning, and dove in to save me. He emerged from the water carrying a half naked girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 612

You deserved it 5 502

Sick moves, bro

By Fish - 19/03/2009 15:47 - United Arab Emirates

Today, we were hanging around the pool with a couple of friends and a crush of mine. Thinking I would be able to impress her with a well-performed dive off the diving board, I went up and attempted my best dive. I slipped as I jumped, hitting my head on the board. I had to be saved by the lifeguard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 301

You deserved it 55 375

sorainu 18

Monday 22 June 2015 18:09

Okay, but your dog loves you!

Emma1562 35

Monday 22 June 2015 18:09

Haha that stinks I'm sorry op, maybe play with him more it sounds like he only wanted to play with you without getting wet.

Comments

Emma1562 35

Monday 22 June 2015 18:09

Haha that stinks I'm sorry op, maybe play with him more it sounds like he only wanted to play with you without getting wet.

mohamed_H 21

Monday 22 June 2015 18:12

At least you know he gotchu if you drown lol

Jonkbaby 22

Tuesday 23 June 2015 13:09

I take it you were swimming on your back..?

sorainu 18

Monday 22 June 2015 18:09

Okay, but your dog loves you!

dacooliest 16

Tuesday 23 June 2015 1:03

Well that's the nice way to think about it, but maybe he finally saw it as his chance to get rid of her! ._.

iPixelCheese 19

Monday 22 June 2015 18:10

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

Sandsh8rk 36

Monday 22 June 2015 18:13

Did you read the FML? It was his dog, not a human friend. How would a dog know any better?

iPixelCheese 19

Monday 22 June 2015 18:15

Holy cow I am an idiot! I will be in the corner if you need me

sunnyskys 25

Tuesday 23 June 2015 5:39

girls best friend come on its not always a cat.

emissy 14

Monday 22 June 2015 18:14

Maybe he just wanted to play!

Sandsh8rk 36

Monday 22 June 2015 18:14

Next Baywatch episode confirmed?

CorruptedNuk3r 11

Monday 22 June 2015 18:14

At least you have a dog that really cares about you

LeavenSilva 27

Monday 22 June 2015 18:14

Well at least you're ok!

SauceySarah 30

Monday 22 June 2015 18:16

That's really adorable. He loves you and tried his best!

blcksocks 19

Monday 22 June 2015 18:20

I can't tell like if you just went down on your lab or did a 69 ...

CommentKing207 23

Monday 22 June 2015 18:31

I hope you're fine OP, but at least you know he's there for you at all times!

Keywords

Awkward Miscellaneous Embarrassing Sleep Work Dating Love Am I overreacting? Annoying Parents Health Mental health Furniture Kids Gross Friends Public freakouts Fight Neighbours Cops Drugs Relatable Medication Teenagers Dogs Animals Video games Gamers Ironic Zoom

The Top

Today, my daughter found a hair baked into the crust of her pizza. Grossed out, she put it down the garbage disposal, but I told her to dig it out so we could get a refund. After dinner, she came looking for the saved pizza crust. I was baffled about where it was until I realized I'd eaten it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 292

You deserved it 4 692

Today, I went to my room to find my girlfriend on the floor, butt up, with her pants down. I elatedly took the invitation and dropped my pants too, only for her to tell me, "Not so fast champ, I'm trying to force some farts out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 092

You deserved it 471

The Top

Today, I drove two hours to secretly buy an antique book my wife has been looking for for 30 years since her childhood copy was lost in a house fire. There was one other guy there interested in buying it, we were both cash buyers but with one difference: I was the one who forgot his wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 858

You deserved it 335

Today, I told my mom my husband and I were considering having another baby. She said, "No!" about 30 times. Then later she texted me that she insists on no more kids. I guess I will never have that bonding moment with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 920

You deserved it 171

Today, I went to the school dentist for the yearly routine check. She took ages trying to clean out my teeth with the metal toothpick-thing, constantly hitting my gums. After half an hour of pain and spitting blood, she looks up and says, laughing: "Oh, I forgot to put my glasses on". FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 770

You deserved it 2 727

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate with each other, starting with some foreplay. Before he fingered me, he put on a blue surgical glove, claiming that "down there is dirty and smelly" and he didn't want it on his hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 588

You deserved it 2 366

Today, I checked my facebook, and my wife of 5 years was listed as single. I then write on her wall that it is ok to announce to be married. She writes back saying that we have to talk and to come to the kitchen. My wife divorced me over facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 260 100

You deserved it 13 161

Today, I bought a 37-pound sex doll on Amazon, just so I could cuddle it and cry myself to sleep, until she decides if she wants a divorce in three months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 313

You deserved it 298

Same thing different taste

Baywatch

*Baywatch music starts*

Beast Mode

Sick moves, bro

Top comments

Comments

Baywatch music starts